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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

350 replies

Kkpab86 · 14/03/2021 08:22

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

OP posts:
DenisetheMenace · 14/03/2021 10:59

Sorry it made you unhappy.

💐 enjoy your day with your loved ones.

Newnamefor2021 · 14/03/2021 11:01

Happy Mother's Day! I get it's a bittersweet day and special as it's your first. Do I think your in laws should have sent a card? No. I think it would have been appropriate for when they thanked you for your gifts they could have said "and happy Mother's Day to you too".

However, I'm not into commercial holidays, I do it as it's expected but I don't expect anyone to do to me. It's about my mum and mother in law. Don't get mr wrong. My husband bought me brownies and my eldest brought me toast and milk. I think my husband is out getting me a hot choc from Costa or Starbucks but that's more because he gets himself something when ever he is out and everyday at work, and I've had one this year 😂

Radio4Rocks · 14/03/2021 11:03

Very illogical, OP. Sorry you are unhappy but you are not the mother of your in laws. To expect anything from them is daft as well as unreasonable.

Cookerhood · 14/03/2021 11:04

It's not a thing for in laws, I don't think mine have ever mentioned it, but we send MIL flowers. That's the way round it is. I hope you enjoy your first mother's day.

Fembot123 · 14/03/2021 11:06

Congratulations on the baby, sorry to hear of the really hard time you’re having, I wouldn’t even have thought of my in laws doing something for Mother’s Day, that’s DH/older kids territory. Enjoy your first Mother’s Day Flowers

littlepattilou · 14/03/2021 11:08

@Kkpab86 100% YANBU. I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Yeah, your in-laws SHOULD have made more effort. Especially with you going through pregnancy/childbirth in lockdown, (AND the first 5 months of your baby's life...)

(((HUGS)))

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2021 11:09

Sorry for your loss OP Thanks

You're being massively unreasonable (as I'm sure you know now)

I can't believe 5% think you're not Confused

Toilenstripes · 14/03/2021 11:09

I grew up in America and my family celebrated all mothers in the family, and everyone we knew did the same. Have none of you been in church on Mother’s Day and the minister wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums?

roarfeckingroarr · 14/03/2021 11:10

My baby is also 5 months OP. DH sorted a card and present from baby but my SILand FIL have both wished me a happy Mother's Day and I think that's very kind. I don't think I would've been hurt if they hadn't.

Fembot123 · 14/03/2021 11:11

@Toilenstripes

I grew up in America and my family celebrated all mothers in the family, and everyone we knew did the same. Have none of you been in church on Mother’s Day and the minister wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums?
Yes we do have that at our churches but sadly not this year or last because of the pandemic
mainsfed · 14/03/2021 11:11

@Kkpab86

Whoa whoa ladies what’s with all the mean messages? I never said I expected them to make a fuss of me on Mother’s Day, but just asked whether the first one should be acknowledged like with a card. We’ve sent both mil and step mil flowers, choccies and card. It’s my first Mother’s Day but thanks for putting me in my place!
Stop buying for your MIL, that’s not your job!
ineedaholidaynow · 14/03/2021 11:12

Even if you are a family that only does a card for your own mother, surely you would verbally acknowledge Mother’s Day to your DD or DIL if they are mum’s and you speak to them today.

We have wished everyone Happy Mother’s Day on our friends group chat and SIL and I have also exchanged Happy Mother’s Day text

Eviethyme · 14/03/2021 11:12

I find it wierd when other people tell me happy mothers day... I just thank them and move on but it does feel wierd because I'm not there mum

annonnymous · 14/03/2021 11:14

I think its usually the other way round and the DIL ends up getting mothers day cards and flowers for the DHs mother as well as her own. Unfortunately its not for PILs to acknowledge mothers day like this.

Rhetta · 14/03/2021 11:16

My parents in law would wish me happy
Mother's Day as I'm a first time mum to their first ever grandchild. I mean it depends on your relationship with them? We have a group chat with all my husbands family and cousins and since this morning, it's been going off with pictures and everyone wishing all the mums happy Mother's Day which I think it's very kind and sweet. My parents got dh a lovely gift last year as it was his first Father's Day.

roarfeckingroarr · 14/03/2021 11:17

@saraclara

I've never heard of parents acknowledging mother's Day to their children, let alone in-laws.

Nor me. You sound incredibly self-centred OP.

Totally unnecessary
PuzzledObserver · 14/03/2021 11:18

I've never heard of parents acknowledging mother's Day to their children, let alone in-laws.

Neither had I - but when I was shopping for my own mother, there was a card in the rack which said “To my daughter on Mother’s Day.”

I know what that is - rank commercialism, card manufacturers trying to pile on more guilt so we will buy more cards. Resist it!!

Mothering Sunday (as it originally was) was about young people working in service having time off to go and worship in their mother church and take a Simnel cake to their mother. Over time it has become about everyone thanking/treating their mother. Let’s resist the mission creep of agreeing that parents/in-laws are expected to “do something” for their daughters (in law) who are mothers.

I agree with pp - it’s up to your DH to spoil you on behalf of your DC until they are old enough to do it themselves.

Viviennemary · 14/03/2021 11:18

You have had a hard time. But mothers day insn't something in laws get involved in. It's up to your DH to make the day special if that's what you want.

LesLavandes · 14/03/2021 11:19

Yabu.

Fembot123 · 14/03/2021 11:22

OP doesn’t sound self centred to me at all, grieving plus all the things that come with being a new mum, yes. Self centred etc, no.

middleager · 14/03/2021 11:23

Sorry for your loss, but YABU.

This should be your DH acknowledging this on behalf of your own child and towards his own mother.

I also find it strange when others wish me a Happy Mother's Day.
I have a friend who gives her children (now teens) lots of Valentine's Day gifts, which I also find OTT.

Candyfloss99 · 14/03/2021 11:24

No if anything you should be celebrating her as your mother in law. You are in no way a mother to her, you're a daughter.

namechangefail2020 · 14/03/2021 11:24

Nothing to do with them, its strange that you think it is but I guess you're lonely so not thinking straight. Hope you have a nice first Mother's Day, stop overthinking and you might

Toilenstripes · 14/03/2021 11:26

YANBU

LindaEllen · 14/03/2021 11:26

It's not about their relationship with you, though.

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