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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Davina McCall's tweet

431 replies

SummerWhisper · 13/03/2021 04:07

Davina McCall tweeted that female abduction / murder is extremely rare and that this level of fearmongering isn't good for men's mental health.

I don't understand why she is attempting to shift the narrative back to how men are feeling after yet another woman's life has been brutally ended BY A MAN.

For fuck's sake, Davina, we have a prominent voice this week, a huge platform to raise awareness about how most of us have to make so many micro- and macro-adjustments to allow for men's violence and here you are, putting men's health in the centre of all this.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she should apologise and remove her tweet?

Davina McCall's tweet
OP posts:
Erkrie · 13/03/2021 16:32

Because I am right, it's no different! And my point is fair. Nice try with the deflecting tactic

I didn't say it was any different. And people can feel however they want. It doesn't mean things shouldn't be discussed. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here, but your post isn't the 'gotcha' you seem to think it is...

Thewinterofdiscontent · 13/03/2021 16:35

@Bythemillpond

I think there are 2 issues being amalgamated into one.

There is a number of women killed each year by men they know, partners, husbands, fathers, friends, boyfriends and then there is this. Those killed by strangers.

The latter is incredibly rare.
We need to separate the two.

We really don’t.

It’s the massive male entitlement that they are able to attack us in the home and other males and women outside.

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 16:49

My point @Erkrie is that for some strange reason, one seems to be ok to do and the other doesn't. And I am bringing that to the attention of other posters who seem to be hypocrites

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 16:50

No gotcha moment, but dont try and shut my comparison down as if it's not relevant

Italiangreyhound · 13/03/2021 17:00

Why are people on here trying to shut down and derail the conversation about women's safety, or lack of it! It's just awful. You have freedom of speech but why are you using it to shut down this vital conversation.

When are we going to stop prioritizing men's feelings over the lives of women and girls!!

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 17:02

No gotcha moment, but dont try and shut my comparison down as if it's not relevant

I don't think it is relevant to this thread, but you post however you want. That's your choice. For my choice, I'm not going to engage in a conversation about terroism on this thread for the reasons I already mentioned. I might on a different thread. It's an interesting topic after all. So, either you'll get someone to engage with you on this thread about it, or you'll just be talking to yourself. Who knows 🤷

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 17:03

Why are people on here trying to shut down and derail the conversation about women's safety, or lack of it! It's just awful. You have freedom of speech but why are you using it to shut down this vital conversation

Indeed

Italiangreyhound · 13/03/2021 17:08

Erkrie you have a lot more patience than me. Smile

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 17:08

@Erkrie haha honestly, I'm not derailing by talking about terrorism!

My point is simple .

It seems to be ok to say ALL MEN

In reference to womens safety.

But

Not, ALL muslims in relation to terrorism!

Is it really that hard to figure out the point I am making rather than wishing to actually discuss terrorism.

So I'll say it again, a lot of people on here are hypocrites. And when challenge, they deflect or belittle the poster.

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 17:09

Erkrie you have a lot more patience than me
Grin

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 17:10

@Italiangreyhound leading a perfect example of what I mean by trying to belittle a person with views opposed to their own

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 17:26

Ok. Last time.

It seems to be ok to say ALL MEN
In reference to womens safety

We don't say all men. It's obvious it's not all men. But it is men who are the perpetrators. Men that are offended by this need to ask themselves why it bothers them so much. If it's not them, then we're not addressing them are we.

But

Not, ALL muslims in relation to terrorism

Well it's not all Muslims in relation to terroism. There are many known and different listed terrorist groups. So we obviously don't say all Muslims, 1) because it's not always Muslims so it's a false equivalence and 2) because, just like men, if we are talking directly about terroism in the Muslim community, we already know it's not all Muslims.

We don't need to point this out over and over again every time we want to discuss these things.

And on that note, I'm done. With the terroism conversation anyway.

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 17:34

Some people are so thick,blind, arrogant and one sided. Enjoy your moment @Erkrie. I'm so done with the hypocrites on here that 'try' to out smart someone with an opposing view. You know exactly what I mean.

You lot talk about your rights and carry on man hating. I shall be raising my sons and daughters to be both respectful and careful, and I shall not be looking at every man as a potential rapist just because of statistics. Guilty until proven innocent it seems.

Us women want equality by supporting the exact opposite. Well not me.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/03/2021 17:37

I get more upset by the less publicised cases
We all know of them
That man in Twickenham who killed his family
The woman in Australia who had Petrol thrown on her
The woman in south east London who had the same
The policewoman who was actually a domestic abuse caseworker , killed by her policeman partner
And .... Most domestic violence cases aren't reported

This case IS very rare , it’s unusual and scary and horrific
And soon we will
Learn more around this man, and his motives

But murders like this are rare

Whereas men killing their wives happens every day

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 17:45

You lot talk about your rights and carry on man hating

You see this as man hating. It isn't. Many women here have sons, father's, husband's that they adore. I do myself. It doesn't detract from the fact that men are the perpetrators here. For violence towards both men and women.
And in terms of rights, surely you must agree that women should have the right not to be sexually harassed, assaulted and worse, by men. Don't you?

IrisW · 13/03/2021 17:48

While I agree it’s a bit tone deaf, she’s as entitled to free speech as you are? So sick of this outrage whenever someone has a different opinion, YABU.

Crystalclair · 13/03/2021 17:54

@Erkrie you put words into my mouth. Of course I agree with womens rights etc. I also agree with mens. So I passionately disagree with the ALL MEN bollocks. And when I try to make a comparison you try and shut me down or belittle me.

SunshineCake · 13/03/2021 17:55

@thegreenlight

I had a very interesting conversation with my husband - he is a solid feminist and is your classic ‘nice guy’. We’ve been together since we were 15 but he really thought about ‘all men’ and said he probably had harassed women when he was younger. A combination of hormones, social awkwardness and the fact women are conditioned to be polite to men and not just say ‘no’ outright. If he has, I can almost guarantee that ALL men have at sometime. They just don’t want to think about it.
Please don't say rubbish like this. I'm sorry your "classic nice guy" husband was a sleaze in his younger years but no, not ALL men have behaved in the same way.
Italiangreyhound · 13/03/2021 17:56

Crystalclair Not agreeing with someone is not belittling them. Complimenting another poster for their patience is not about you.

Italiangreyhound · 13/03/2021 17:59

Crystalclair

"Some people are so thick,blind, arrogant and one sided".

Were those your words or were you quoting someone else?

IMHO, this is belittling.

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 18:01

Erkrie you put words into my mouth. Of course I agree with womens rights etc. I also agree with mens. So I passionately disagree with the ALL MEN bollocks. And when I try to make a comparison you try and shut me down or belittle me.

I'm asking you a question based on what you have said. Not putting words into your mouth. And where on earth am I belittling you? As far as I can see I have been polite and respectful towards you. But if you think otherwise, then go ahead and report my posts. As clearly that behaviour would be against the MN talk guidelines.

Italiangreyhound · 13/03/2021 18:05

There seems to be here some accusations of man-hating. Is that right? I love men, my husband, my son, my father in law, my dear departed dad, and my make friends.

When people talk of male pattern violence it is like male pattern baldness, it affects some men, not all.

I have never said all men.

But it is an issue FROM men as a sex class that potentially affects ALL people. Almost all men, women and children killed and hurt in violent crimes will be hurt by men. The fact a small number of women also committ violent crimes (which is appalling) does not negate the fact most violence is done by men.

As a society we should, for the sake of every person, be discussing this and not shutting the discussion down

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 18:05

IMHO, this is belittling

Yes. I chose to ignore that.

imyournextdoorneighbour · 13/03/2021 18:21

@FortunesFave

I'm British but have lived abroad for some years...I'm unsure as to why this case has garnered such a massive outrage? Not that that's bad of course! It's important that it has!

But women are murdered all the time...what's different about this one that's made things change in the media?

Exactly the conversation I was having with my DH. And fwiw I agree with her.
HOkieCOkie · 13/03/2021 19:08

She is a mother of boys so I understand 💯 where she is coming from . Also shock horror she’s entitled to this thing called an “opinion”