I don't enjoy sex and never have, and the only time it's been worth it was when I was TTC

[AdmirableMacaroon]

Firstly I hope this isn't too explicit to be posted outside the sex forum. Obviously it is then move or delete as appropriate. I have never particularly enjoyed sex. So it's clear, I'm referring to intercourse specifically. There are a few contributing factors to why I feel the way I do about it. I feel that the act itself very heavily favours the man's pleasure over the woman's. While the man is basically guaranteed to orgasm from it, I personally never have or even been close to orgasming from sex. I've had a fair bit of experience with different partners and it's been more or less the same each time. It doesn't do very much for me physically, at all. I've only ever orgasmed on my own. I'm not a prude and I consider my sex drive to be average.

When I reflect on my own sexual history, I honestly feel that the only time it's felt worth it was when I was trying to conceive. I've got 3 older DCs and I'm sadly too old to have any more. I'm mid-40s now and single. I don't think I would be especially fussed if I never had sex again. I find the whole thing to be a chore honestly. Am I an outlier? I've always assumed that I am and that most people enjoy sex tremendously.

Am I an outlier? I'd expect that you are, but you can see from the other posts there are many many others too. There might be a "norm", but every individual is different.

I've also read the the current relationships post from the lady who NEVER had an orgasm. If I NEVER had an orgasm then my attitude might be different. But like the closeness, and the orgasm, would hate to be without either, but that's just me :)

I agree it's easier for a man, but in your experiences did you try to get more from it? Explore? Get to climax in other ways? I think it's a matter of finding the right person and you both putting the effort in, so long as you want to of course.

I presume by your sex drive being normal you mean that you think about sex a reasonable amount (but don’t enjoy it when you have it)? If so, I know that feeling and I suspect you’ve had shit sex.

I'm mid 30s and could probably go the rest of my days with only doing it a few more times... DH makes me orgasm I enjoy it but I could just as easily never do it again... no idea why

If you are happy and your DP/DH is happy, then who else cares? Good for you both!

On the other hand, if you DP/DH is interested in sex, and you think it's a chore, then that must really really suck for him.

I’m 29 and would be happy never having sex ever again. The only reason I do it is because I love being intimate with someone. I don’t orgasm from penetration but my partner will happily use his hand or do oral to get me there. I get an uncomfortable feeling in my vagina like a weird pressure so that just pisses me off too.

I'm also going off sex as the result of a string of lazy/selfish/clumsy partners, and of associating it with emotional pain. I've had one very attentive lover in the last five or so years, but he has a very small penis and struggles to get fully hard. I'm starting to feel it's really not worth the effort.

I have had amazing sex in the past, but it still wasn't worth being hurt, let down, lied to and ghosted.

I have really loved it with the right partner, and not enjoyed it with the wrong one (unfortunately that was my exh!).

I think the focus on PIV caused a lot of women to feel as you do, and your OP makes it sound like that is part of the issue for you.

At the moment I’ve been single for a while and not had sex for about 4 years. I think you get used to not having it, as when my previous bf moved away I really missed it for a bit.

That said, I do have good orgasms on my own, and don’t feel particularly sad about this being the only way I have them atm.

I am the same. I do it because I see it as a trade off to be with my other half whom
I love very much but I don't really like it and never have with anyone. He has no idea as I'm a good actress. I am quite small down there (confirmed by various gynaecologists over the years) and it feels more "frictiony" than pleasurable.

I hate how some women jump to the conclusion that it's because we've all had shit sex that we don't enjoy it. All smug saying "oh you've just not had the right partners!" Or perhaps it's that we are all different, things feels different, and people can decide they don't enjoy sex if they bloody want.

@Chihuahuacat I’m so the same! It’s quite good once you get going but so often I can’t face all the faff! Sex takes sooo long and I never orgasm; really only do it so DH can. I don’t mind sex but often wonder what the point is. I keep going with it because you’re supposed to in relationships and i know DH likes it

When I worked in a supermarket years ago, sometimes on our break chats , the topic was about sex, and I was very surprised about the number of women, who said they either hated sex with their partners, or never had sex with partners/Husbands. Their ages were from late twenties and up to ages 50 plus.

I have honestly thought about writing this thread so many times. I am 34. I have never orgasmed during sex, only alone, and as others have said, it's easier and less faff. I have two dc, who I Iove dearly and I will admit that we had sex loads to conceive orchestrated alot by me, but then it was a relief to be pregnant, because then it stopped. It's probably very harsh on DH as I expect he wants to have sex more but I get into my side of the bed each night thinking in my head, please don't come over here... I just don't like it. Its easier if I've had a drink.I have come to the conclusion I am asexual and I realise how terrible everything I have said sounds. But I wouldn't say it out loud.

@namechange202086 the OP literally said she felt her sex drive was normal, not that she was inherently asexual or past that stage in her life, so it's quite reasonable to surmise if she feels sexual feelings but isn't enjoying sex that bad sex is quite possibly the reason, there's enough selfish men in this world to know it'll be a reality for many women.

It sounds to me that you aren't asexual as you consider yourself to have an average sex drive, you just don't orgasm from sex alone. I don't think that's unusual at all.
I need a good 15 mins minimum of playing to make me orgasm and have never orgasmed from sex alone. Maybe the men you've been with have just been really selfish in bed? I think I'd find it a chore too if the person I was with couldn't be bothered to put the effort in for me, I don't think you're an outlier at all x

I would pay good money to never have sex again.
I enjoy it at the beginning of a relationship but I've never ever climaxed as a result of sex alone.
I've been with my DP 6 years now and since he's put weight on I enjoy it even less.
I'd honestly rather do three loads or ironing or walk the dog in the rain.
Thankfully for me, he's on medication which has massively reduced his sexual drive.

Pretty much same, I have had a few experiences where men were reciprocal, or at least technically profficent. These men were also arseholes. The two relationships I have had were with men who were crap in bed. Not all men blah blah blah, but I don't want to expose myself to promiscuous men enough to have a decent shag, I'm not desirable enough to bag a decent one one for life.

Therefore celibate.

@changingnames786 or perhaps people can have an interest in pleasure or masturbating and not in the act of sex itself. You see it often on here with people assuming you've just not found the right partner if you don't enjoy sex.

I certainly don't think you're alone, OP.

I like it, but sex has never been central to my life or my thoughts. I want it when I want it, but the rest of the time it doesn't cross my mind. I absolutely don't understand people who are preoccupied by sex, thinking about sex, talking about sex, seeking sex, all the time. It's not THAT great.

I never orgasm during sex. I can't though piv and actually have issues orgasming through foreplay as I have inflammation issues and it causes me pain during intercourse if I orgasm first.

But I love sex. Even when I was guys who weren't so good I loved it and even more now with my now husband. Pleasure isn't just from orgasms I just really love the sensations and I honestly don't care about orgasms.

But everyone is different and there's no right or wrong.

@namechange202086 yes I suppose that's fair, I hadn't thought of it like that.

Until quite recently all of my sexual experiences had either been traumatic (forced/coerced), or just unsatisfactory and boring.

I am now with a partner who makes the effort to ensure that sex is very pleasurable for me and I love it. Though I consider "sex" to include a lot more than just piv intercourse. More often than not I will not orgasm from piv alone, but my partner would never attempt piv without foreplay unless I requested it. I enjoy it but I do not consider it the main event.

Before we got together, I'd already made the decision that I was not going to settle for unsatisfactory sex again and that if a man did not attempt to fulfill my needs I would not pursue a relationship. I knew (or strongly suspected) that with the right partner I could find sex enjoyable, and it has turned out I was correct.

I think this starts quite early on tbh with ( hear me out ) but I don’t think we are taught well enough about how women’s bodies work. I think we need to be more open with younger generation about things like masturbation and being able to explore your own body and how your own body react and senses etc.
I think at the start of sexual activity you f women often go in a little blind. I think if we were always more open about women exploring their needs and wants like men do it would open up a lot of women who do feel like sex is chore and empower them to make choices and changes with their partners.

I find the smug women at the beginning of this thread, who can orgasm from PIV sex very very annoying.
Of course you enjoy sex, you can have sex like a man.

For 90%+ of women this is not accurate and PIV does not result in an orgasm and is ultimately more of a faff than it is for men.

I wouldn't say I never want to have sex again, I do. But I certainly find it biologically unfair how easy men have it.