To have reported my next door neighbour to the police?

[HeartsAndClubs]

This morning I am 99% certain that I heard my neighbour hitting his child. She was screaming in absolute terror and he was shouting at her while hitting her. It was loud enough that I could hear it through the walls. Then when she stopped screaming he carried on shouting. It’s now gone very quiet.

These neighbours are always shouting at one another, but never like this. I froze at the time so didn’t ring 999 before it had all died down, but I have reported it, and am about to report to social services.

But talking to a friend she said we don’t know the circumstances, and what if the child has SN and was screaming and head banging or similar and I should have stayed out of it.

I am 99% sure I’ve done the right thing. But what if friend is right? I’ve seen posts on here from parents saying their children scream constantly due to SN. I would hate to think that I have potentially put them under investigation if they might not have done anything.

You've absolutely done the right thing and I'd have done exactly the same. Poor child, I really hope they're OK.

re police versus social services - if its after hours some social service phone lines tell you to go to police (had this happen years ago it may have changes but...) if police think its a sw issue I would assume they would have a more direct route
You did the right thing op absolutely! If parent is under stress even if dc isn't abused they may need help

If you genuinely thought the child was in danger/being hit then you absolutely did the right thing, If you were wrong then they will be able to explain that to the Police/SS

@AIMD

You did the right thing. Even if the child has special needs hearing a parent screaming and shouting a lot suggests they are struggling and might need support.

Either way it’s best that someone investigates to check the child is ok.

There is NONE this is a romantic notion that in these situations if you are struggling or even at your wits end and just cannot cope any more that there is support or help available...there isn’t simply 😢 I’ve found this out for myself my eldest is 4 and a half and I’ve been asking every agency I can thin’ or for this for the last 2 years... the earliest he can even see his consultant is at 5 years old so 3 years of he’ll to battle through with almost a year of that period spent in near house arrest wit( me 24/7. There is NO help or support out here

@SeenYourArse no this isn’t right. Well it’s right there’s not much support offered, but not right you saying he can’t even see a consultant until 5 when you’ve been, as you describe going through hell for nearly 3 years.

Can you explain a little more about your ds and his condition (or what you think he has if he hasn’t yet been diagnosed) does he go to school? Does he have an ehcp for you to request a social care assesment for respite?

You did the right thing. I hope things improve for this poor child as a result. Child abuse is a hidden evil. It's very decent of you take action - as uncomfortable and confronting as it is.

You definitely did the right thing OP!

I was driving to work once and in the car behind me was a guy and his 2 children - boy of about 7 in the front and toddler in the back

He was leaning over and hitting the boy, pulling on his head and shouting (I could clearly see all this in my rearview mirror) and it was obvious the boy was upset (they weren't play fighting or tickling like I sometimes do with DD)

I could tell by his school uniform which school he went to, and I got the car reg (we were sat in traffic at lights for a good 5 minutes) and the whole thing really upset me

I got to work and broke down crying, wishing I'd got out the car and said something to the bloke. I reported it to the police online, and I rang the school

The police rang me later that day, had a good chat with them and they tracked down the dad, went into school and the little boy said something along the lines of "dad was in a bad mood"

I'm not sure what came of it, but I'm glad I reported it and got the family on everyone's radar

The saddest thing for me, was that the toddler in the back seat wasn't even slightly fazed by the fighting in the front seat - like they'd seen it before and were used to it

@Easterbunnygettingready

I once reported over the road neighbours for leaving a reception age dc home alone when they went to the pub. Dc was screaming out an upstairs window.. No regrets. Lots of dc should be under ss radar.. You may have helped such a dc...

Holy shit. That’s horrifying. That poor kid. What happened in the end? I’ve so often known cases to get dropped like that

I can only assume the 3% who voted YABU are child abusers theirselves. Of course YANBU, I personally think screaming at a child even without physical violence is abusive and would absolutely report in the same circumstances.

You definitely did the right thing

I confided in my then dh and he went mad. The family weren't known for their popularity...

Any comeback and he wasn't in my corner... Afaik they used ndn's teen dd as a babysitter after that.

You don't know the details, so you called the police who can find out. That is the right thing to have done, always.

Your friend's attitude is one of the reasons that abuse is so often allowed to continue. It's always better to report when you have reasonable concerns, and what you heard is concerning. If there is an innocent explanation, the people visiting the family will soon see that, but even if it wasn't as bad as it sounded, maybe this will help those parents get help they didn't know was available.

I can only assume the 3% who voted YABU are child abusers theirselves.

Or, like me, answered the question near the end of OP's post rather than the one in the title. I think she is being unreasonable to worry, but not that she was unreasonable to have phoned. So I voted YABU and then realised that wasn't what I meant.

@SeenYourArse

Sorry to hear you’re struggling and not getting help. Fwiw I agree that in a lot of places there’s is adequate services for children with disabilities and their families. I didn’t meant to make it sound as though the police coming would mean a family immediately accessed support services easily.

You’ve done the right thing. This is chilling.

You did the right thing and, with all due respect, your friend is an idiot!

YANBU
Reporting a concern is not being judge and jury or attributing guilt. It's passing the information you have to the relevant professionals who will investigate and take the appropriate actions.

The more people who report safeguarding concerns the better as if a child is in danger, the child gets help usually after several pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are put together.

What if you’re wrong? They get investigated and no charges get laid. Maybe the adults are forced to look at their behaviour and make some changes.

But what if you are right? You have potentially saved a child’s life.

You have done the right thing.

@HeartsAndClubs

They’ve been home schooling since the beginning of the pandemic so even if there were any issues the school wouldn’t be around to pick up on them.

Most children are back at school this week?

@MrsMackesy not these kids. They were taken out of school long before the schools closed and to the best of my knowledge have never been back even when the schools were open.

They were particularly COVID aware and were wearing masks long before anyone else I knew. I went round to collect a parcel last February and he opened the door wearing a mask. They’re from the Far East so perhaps that explains more why since the pandemic began there much sooner than here, and wearing masks in the Far East isn’t unusual even in normal times.

I haven’t heard a peep from there since this morning which is unusual as they usually play various musical instruments etc throughout the day, but I’ve heard absolutely nothing. I have no idea whether the police have been round. I will call in a couple of days to ask, maybe with any luck she’s thrown the fucker out.

You 100% did the right thing and have potentially saved that child.
Well done xx

Too often when it comes to light that a child is abused or killed by their parents do neighbours say they were concerned but never reported it.

^This 100%. You really did the right thing, OP.

We have had the police called on us once by a concerned neighbour after a particularly noisy row. No kids involved. I'm not proud of it, but being honest. It was a bit embarrassing but quite honestly the neighbour did the right thing, she wasn't to know the nature of the scenario.

I think you did exactly the right thing. It's not up to you to second guess the situation, your priority has got to be the child. If there is an innocent (?) explanation then hopefully a visit from the police will be a bit of a wake-up call to those involved. And if it is as bad as it sounded then obviously right to get police involved.

FWIW, I was a child reported to SS. Parents were old fashioned and used physical punishment as a first and not a last, resort. A neighbour anonymously reported it to SS when we all got punished for something.

Anyway, my parents are good parents, just had outdated methods, and were a) embarrassed at SS calling on them, and b) willing to change if given some help.

It was transformational for our family. My parents never lifted a hand or a stick to any of us again - they did a parenting course provided by SS and put what they learned into action. There was never a risk of us being removed because they both immediately agreed to work with SS on it.
We are all adults now and very close. None of us have ever hit our children, and DP's would be horrified at the thought too. I won't lie and say I've forgotten those physical punishments, but I have forgiven and it meant that my younger siblings never have the memories I have.
I will be forever grateful to that anonymous neighbour taking action. You did the right thing.