To have reported my next door neighbour to the police?

[HeartsAndClubs]

This morning I am 99% certain that I heard my neighbour hitting his child. She was screaming in absolute terror and he was shouting at her while hitting her. It was loud enough that I could hear it through the walls. Then when she stopped screaming he carried on shouting. It’s now gone very quiet.

These neighbours are always shouting at one another, but never like this. I froze at the time so didn’t ring 999 before it had all died down, but I have reported it, and am about to report to social services.

But talking to a friend she said we don’t know the circumstances, and what if the child has SN and was screaming and head banging or similar and I should have stayed out of it.

I am 99% sure I’ve done the right thing. But what if friend is right? I’ve seen posts on here from parents saying their children scream constantly due to SN. I would hate to think that I have potentially put them under investigation if they might not have done anything.

It's totally fine to do.

This morning my daughter shrieked the house down because she wanted to go in the shower rather than brush her teeth.

I have also had a lot of rows with my partner lately; we are struggling and getting counselling.

If you'd reported me, I would of course feel embarrassed about it - but I would be glad you had, because I want people to be looking out for everyone's children.

If your neighbour isn't hurting the child, and the child was just screaming for some other reason, in the scheme of things it matters very much less that he'll be a bit embarrassed, than it would matter if he was hitting her and you didn't say anything.

You did the right thing.
Even if the child has special needs hearing a parent screaming and shouting a lot suggests they are struggling and might need support.

Either way it’s best that someone investigates to check the child is ok.

You've done the right thing. I wish someone had stepped in when I was a child. Never be the person who doesn't!

Yes you've done the right thing.

I have experienced this though and it almost pushed me to the edge. My son has SN and is incredibly loud when he has meltdowns, he also harms himself and shouts 'ow that hurts' while doing it. Someone called the police after one such meltdown, who were lovely but had to refer to SS. We were eventually sent a letter saying we can get in touch if we need help.

I spent months worrying about every noise we made and telling the kids to be quiet, if a car parked near the house and the driver sat inside for a while I thought we were being watched, any knock on the door and I'd panic about who it might be. I looked in to installing cctv cameras inside the house. I know we have done nothing wrong- we raise our voices when needed and have had to restrain him, but we don't hit him, scream at him etc. But how do you prove that?

God, I've got a screamer, all the neighbours know they are autistic. Opposite neighbours also had an autistic screamer who has paved the way for mine....

IF you are mistaken and the child has SN the SS will be able to check that out... never look back on what feels like the right thing to do at the time you could be mistaken or even the mother may not know that this man is abusing her kids please update if you can x

...posted too soon.

You would probably know if they were SN. You know what you heard. Only you can judge when it is right to report.

Somebody reported myself/my daughter to the police when she was about 7 and screaming her head off. Whilst it was a traumatic experience at the time I'm still glad they reacted so quickly to someones concerns. They certainly listened to my issues with my child (she is autistic) and their visit led to us being able to access more help than we could get previously. I hope this provides some reassurance that whatever the reason for the noise you have done the right thing.

We need to remember that being abused and having special needs aren't mutually exclusive. Children with special are sometimes abused too.

Your reaction suggests you did the right thing and you made the call for 100% the right reasons. Perhaps keeping note of other incidents when they happen may help too if abuse if suspected.

to all the PPs who have been through this. Very sad how common it is.

Think of the worst scenarios in both situations then you’ll see that reporting is the right thing to do. On the one hand the family get a little embarrassed about the visit and on the other you could save a child from violence.

I think the increased concern about children leads to a lot of false positives, but I guess that's better than the alternative. I just don't like the assumption that just because there was some shouting, it's child abuse - sounds like this was something more, but I have a child who deliberately smashes his head against the wall. Admittedly I don't shout at him when that happen, but I dread to think what my neighbour thinks sometimes.

You did completely the right thing op!!! Because if nice people like your reporting stuff like this my friend and her husband have their step kids (his kids) full time. Every incident reported went against the mum and now the kids are safe.

OP you have done what i would hope anyone would .I did it a number of years ago i heard the same .The child was being beaten and turned out it was not a one off.They were removed to a family member and because they were still local grew up into a happily .If i had not reported it how much longer would it have continued and if had ended badly i would have never forgiven myself .

into a happily grounded adult

You’ve absolutely done the right thing.

It’s for SS / the police to figure out the depth of the problem.

@minniemoocher

I'm glad we had a detached house otherwise ss would have been permanently parked outside! Dd us autistic and through to 16/17 screamed abuse at me and her dsis multiple times a day, I have lots of permanent scars from when she hit me, I asked for help, it took 16 years before they prescribed meds - she's now a calmish young adult, mostly polite and even helps around the house! Sometimes it's sn not abuse

And all the more reason why professionals should be the ones to decide that.

You did the right thing OP. I have no idea why anyone would be defensive of what you heard.

Children should be protected no matter who it offends. I have sat through too many 'after the fact' case reviews and there is always, always a point where people could have intervened but didn't.

100% you did the right thing. We should all act to protect children.

If the child has SN and was screaming and head banging then the police will find that out and all will be well. If not then it'll be a good job you called them. You did right.

You have most certainly done the right thing. and if she does have SN does that make it acceptable , I think not

@minniemoocher

I'm glad we had a detached house otherwise ss would have been permanently parked outside! Dd us autistic and through to 16/17 screamed abuse at me and her dsis multiple times a day, I have lots of permanent scars from when she hit me, I asked for help, it took 16 years before they prescribed meds - she's now a calmish young adult, mostly polite and even helps around the house! Sometimes it's sn not abuse

But in reality, this was an abusive situation. The fact no help was forthcoming doesn't change this. As the sister of a very mentally unwell sibling, I would ask you to consider your DD may carry this with her forever. Even now, she may need the understanding that this was difficult & watching your parents scared, as I did too, is really damaging. Both you & your DD needed help & intervention may have allowed that sooner, you'll never know but certainly don't put others off reporting abuse & violence.

I mean the Dsis above.

You have absolutely done the right thing and in those circumstances I would have reported it too.

100% you have done the right thing. My old next door neighbours repeatedly called the police when my ex used to violently attack me and hurt our child. They saved our lives.

I think your friend needs to realise that unfortunately children are beaten and abused....... Including special needs ones.