To have reported my next door neighbour to the police?

[HeartsAndClubs]

This morning I am 99% certain that I heard my neighbour hitting his child. She was screaming in absolute terror and he was shouting at her while hitting her. It was loud enough that I could hear it through the walls. Then when she stopped screaming he carried on shouting. It’s now gone very quiet.

These neighbours are always shouting at one another, but never like this. I froze at the time so didn’t ring 999 before it had all died down, but I have reported it, and am about to report to social services.

But talking to a friend she said we don’t know the circumstances, and what if the child has SN and was screaming and head banging or similar and I should have stayed out of it.

I am 99% sure I’ve done the right thing. But what if friend is right? I’ve seen posts on here from parents saying their children scream constantly due to SN. I would hate to think that I have potentially put them under investigation if they might not have done anything.

If it feels wrong, report it. It could have been nothing. But you could have saved that child's life as well. We are all responsibile for safeguarding children and vulnerable people.

I’d rather do something and be wrong than do nothing and be right.

If their child has SN then the police and social services will understand that. Though it sounds a pretty awful environment anyway!

If not, you’ve potentially saved a life. At the very least you’ve put them on the radar. Well done.

@ MNWorldisCrazy so sorry for what you went through. I was literally shaking hearing it, I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like first hand.

I absolutely thought to call 999 but I froze as I heard it and then it stopped.

But if nothing is done now I intend to report them every time I hear anything.

I made a similar report years ago and felt the same way, but the person who took my call said "if it's not what you think, all we've done is used up a bit of a police officers time. If it is what you think, you've protected a child."

Much better to report and be wrong than not report and be right.

I was that child and everyone ignored the signs. Believe me, you have done the right thing. If there is nothing in it then they have no need to worry. Well done you.

We have just had similar happen in my bloke.
At first we were unsure what was going on but it kept happening and both myself and my neighbour kept reporting the incidents.
It was horrible to listen to and although we obviously couldn't see anything, we could sort of sense what was happening.
It was the mother's new boyfriend.
The children were removed with significant injuries.
It really shakes you up and is very distressing.
Just a note. Even though you've reported it, also write down exactly what happened with date and time, just in case you need to refer to it again and things do become fuzzy quite quickly.

In my bloke = in my block!

You did the right thing.
If the child has SN, that will be known.
If a father is dealing with a child with SN by shouting at them, he needs help.

I also understand about the freezing as my neighbour kept telling me that she could hear stuff and I hadn't heard anything.
I work and she's retired so at home more.
Then my daughter heard it.
Then finally when I heard it myself, I absolutely could not believe my ears.
It was so loud and he was swearing and the children were crying. It made me sick to my stomach.

I think that’s fair enough. My neighbours think we are monsters as my children have screamed like they’re being tortured throughout the pandemic, mainly linked to home schooling but not exclusively. They’ve pretty much threatened to report their concerns and I’m happy for them to do so as I know nothing is going on bar the usual tantrums and time outs.

If SS do ever turn up I will happily deal with them and follow procedure. We’ve already taken as I e from a family support worker multiple times so I’m happy everything is on record. Your neighbour may be in a similar situation or they may be abusive.

*advice

You completely did the right thing. As others have said sometimes stories come out and the neighbors heard and didn't report and a child is seriously injured. It may be nothing, but it could be that you have just saved a child

Yes you've done the right thing. DS has ADHD and often engages in loud and sometimes violent behaviours, breaking things, banging his head on the wall. I don't shout but he definitely does. My neighbours threatened to call SS on me and I told them to go ahead, maybe we will finally get the support we need. If it is something like that, it will be fine and they may get some well needed help. If not you've possibly saved a child's life.

You have done the right thing - that was your responsibility- your friend is being very unhelpful x

Matter aside. Just because a child has SN doesn't mean they shouldn't be shouted at (not all the time) or told off. Society is not forgiving once these children become older.

Op you did the right thing.

that child may spend every day praying someone hears and reports it. you did the right thing. and if you are wrong they can tell them that.

They’ve been home schooling since the beginning of the pandemic so even if there were any issues the school wouldn’t be around to pick up on them.

@secular39

Matter aside. Just because a child has SN doesn't mean they shouldn't be shouted at (not all the time) or told off. Society is not forgiving once these children become older.

Op you did the right thing.

Shouting at a child (or an adult) apart from to attract their attention eg. STOP THAT WILL BREAK/BURN YOU/ etc rarely achieves anything.

Telling off, of course often needs to be done.

I did an online parenting course on how to deal with angry children and shouting at them is honestly the last thing that’s helpful. For us all it does is pour petrol on a raging fire. For my child the key is routine, consistency, a huge amount of love and understanding even when he’s being violent and age appropriate consequences.

He used to trash his room if I timed him out but nowadays I’ll set a timer for the same amount of time as his age and he will stay there. We make sure everything is forgotten very quickly and just move on. I feel we can handle him now and the meltdowns are far less, the last few years have been difficult though.

I work in Family Court and I can say based on some of the stuff I hear in the courtroom you have definitely done the right thing.

I cringe when I hear children cry when out and about and a parent shouting or losing their rag. I guess its the effect of hearing what I hear day in day out.

Lets hope that little one is OK .

Have no doubt you have done the right thing.

Adults who beat children are inadequate thugs.

@MNWorldisCrazy

Omg this gave me flashbacks. I was a beaten child and your mention of screaming in terror has me shaking

OP, I always take the time to post on threads like these, as I work for Social Services and see first hand the devastating results of situations that have gone unreported, or reported too late. Always trust your instincts, if you suspect a child is in danger or subject to violence/sexual harassment/abuse, you must report it.

You could literally save a child's life, believe me.

You’ve done the right thing.

However, the posts saying if there is a reasonable explanation then no harm done are not true. I was wrongly accused and reported to SS. They had no concerns and it was over quickly but the trauma of being investigated caused me to have ptsd and be suicidal for well over a year.

Of course things need reporting but don’t think that a wrong accusation won’t have consequences. My life was ruined.

Another who wishes my mother had been reported. You did the right thing.

I wish someone had called SS or police when I was growing up