To have reported my next door neighbour to the police?

[HeartsAndClubs]

This morning I am 99% certain that I heard my neighbour hitting his child. She was screaming in absolute terror and he was shouting at her while hitting her. It was loud enough that I could hear it through the walls. Then when she stopped screaming he carried on shouting. It’s now gone very quiet.

These neighbours are always shouting at one another, but never like this. I froze at the time so didn’t ring 999 before it had all died down, but I have reported it, and am about to report to social services.

But talking to a friend she said we don’t know the circumstances, and what if the child has SN and was screaming and head banging or similar and I should have stayed out of it.

I am 99% sure I’ve done the right thing. But what if friend is right? I’ve seen posts on here from parents saying their children scream constantly due to SN. I would hate to think that I have potentially put them under investigation if they might not have done anything.

[quote HeartsAndClubs]**@2004pickle I absolutely agree. I’m always a bit when posters on here not only say “if there’s nothing wrong then things will be ok,” but also “Any parent would appreciate someone actually taking notice and looking out for the welfare of children.” and I suppose that’s why people like me hesitate.[/quote]
You’re at people trying to reassure you?

Fair enough- you’ve ruined that family forever. Is that better?

@Emeraldshamrock

You've done the right thing, if the DC was having meltdowns you shouldn't hear the parent shouting aggressively.

I have shouted at my child whilst having a meltdown! When children are first diagnosed or even undiagnosed yet there can be a huge amount of pressure on the parent who hasn't learned how to deal with an out of control, violent, self-harming screaming child.

You've done the right thing, they can check to make sure everything is ok.

I live in fear of this, my eldest is almost 5 and has ADHD and he’s a screamer, whenever he does something he knows he shouldn’t have done the second he lays eyes on me or DH he starts screaming preemptively of being talked to about it 😫🤯 no matter where we are, home, car, playground etc he appears totally neurotypical until he starts wailing. I freely admit despite my best efforts I occasionally end up shouting too p, I’m human and he’s super intelligent and a master manipulator he knows exactly what to do and say to push me to my limits of patience 😫

dividedwefall YES! Exactly this his behaviour has escalated over the last few months of lockdown and being stuck home with me 24/7 and he’s very newly diagnosed and I have had zero help or support or anything in fact besides a diagnosis 🤷‍♀️

You've done the right thing. Absolutely.

I hope the right kind of support is brought in quickly next door.

You’ve done the right thing.

I saw a story from America just the other day that a little boy was murdered. The neighbours in the apartment block had called Police the day before but they didn’t have an apartment number and the disturbance had gone quiet so they left. It’s heartbreaking.

If there is no problem then no harm done but your conscience is clear. I hope the little one is okay, hopefully it’s just sounded worse than it was.

@dividedwefall

God as the parent of a special needs child who screamed non stop for five years I am glad you are not my neighbour. I often wondered if we would get 'a visit' but I think my neighbours are very understanding and kind.

But your neighbours might have reported you if you'd shouted back and could be heard hitting the child.

@SeenYourArse

I live in fear of this, my eldest is almost 5 and has ADHD and he’s a screamer, whenever he does something he knows he shouldn’t have done the second he lays eyes on me or DH he starts screaming preemptively of being talked to about it 😫🤯 no matter where we are, home, car, playground etc he appears totally neurotypical until he starts wailing. I freely admit despite my best efforts I occasionally end up shouting too p, I’m human and he’s super intelligent and a master manipulator he knows exactly what to do and say to push me to my limits of patience 😫

Ah memories! All I can say is it gets better. My son hasn't screamed at all for a few years now except when he has a (minor) accident when he lets rip! It made me laugh when you said he starts screaming as soon as he lays eyes on you - mine did the same. Now he just says 'you're scaring me mummy, stop scaring me' before I've even opened my mouth

You have absolutely done the right thing - well done.
The amount of "turning a blind eye" that goes on when instinct tells us that something is wrong is astonishing.

Put it another way, a child can't defend themselves, can't run away, can't even report.

You absolutely did the right thing.

Hopefully, you were mistaken, but you still did the right thing. We see enough little faces in the news when no-one bothered doing anything, and it's a bit late to feel a bit sorry for ignoring them.

You have totally done the right thing.

dividedwefall

Better to be safe than sorry. I am saying this as a grandparent of a very challenging two year old. If the police came knocking it would be a welcome break from the madness of everyday living with a very boisterous toddler.

@dividedwefall

God as the parent of a special needs child who screamed non stop for five years I am glad you are not my neighbour. I often wondered if we would get 'a visit' but I think my neighbours are very understanding and kind.

I don't think you understand what the OP is saying. She is concerned because she is almost certain that what she heard was abuse. If you heard a child screaming in terror, an adult shouting and the sound of blows, would you just do nothing? That is NOT being 'understanding and kind'.

YANBU, one of my biggest regrets is doing nothing when I saw a woman on a street hit her child repeatedly with an extraordinary level of violence.

I hate that I was that person who essentially turned a blind eye. I justified it as 'you didn't see what happened, maybe she got scared because he ran on a road etc but I know that level of violence was justified (and not the taps I received from my own mum as a child for being naughty).

*was not justified

Thank you for doing the right thing, so many children live in danger and need people like you to help them.

I'm glad we had a detached house otherwise ss would have been permanently parked outside! Dd us autistic and through to 16/17 screamed abuse at me and her dsis multiple times a day, I have lots of permanent scars from when she hit me, I asked for help, it took 16 years before they prescribed meds - she's now a calmish young adult, mostly polite and even helps around the house! Sometimes it's sn not abuse

You have definitely done the right thing. If your neighbours have nothing to hide then social services will close the case, but if not then you will have helped a child who was being abused.

I am related to someone highly implicated in a high profile case. Social workers again and again raised this to them and they refused to deal with it. The child suffered and died. That erson has never been the same and I feel for them but I can't help the little voice in my head saying there were opportunities for that child to survive. 💐

To those saying I don't understand, I wrote below that she should definitely call ss if she felt a child was in danger, just that it would be useful to know if the child did had sen for general knowledge. I phrased it badly - I was thinking nice thoughts about my neighbours rather than criticising the OP for not being kind!

You have done the right thing.
Most of the time if there's no evidence they close the case.
However, they kept us for 2 .5 months even though there was no evidence and all other agencies inc school (boarding) had no issues.
Hopefully they'll get a decent one.

@minniemoocher

I'm glad we had a detached house otherwise ss would have been permanently parked outside! Dd us autistic and through to 16/17 screamed abuse at me and her dsis multiple times a day, I have lots of permanent scars from when she hit me, I asked for help, it took 16 years before they prescribed meds - she's now a calmish young adult, mostly polite and even helps around the house! Sometimes it's sn not abuse

I'm so glad to read this post. My Dd had an episode last night and she was screaming and screaming at us over and over again. There was some raised voices when we tried to calm her down. This thread has made me worried that social services are on their way. She wasn't hurt but she did hurt us. 😢

@dividedwefall

To those saying I don't understand, I wrote below that she should definitely call ss if she felt a child was in danger, just that it would be useful to know if the child did had sen for general knowledge. I phrased it badly - I was thinking nice thoughts about my neighbours rather than criticising the OP for not being kind!

Ah fair enough, wrong end of the stick, sorry @dividedwefall

You have 100% done the right thing. Ignore anyone who says “you don’t know the circumstances, the child might have sn’s”, my child does have SN’s, sometimes she screams but I never ever scream back at her and would never raise a finger to her. There’s no excuse to hit a child and no excuse to verbally abuse and shout at them. Kids often test our patience and I’m sure many of us have raised our voices but not to that extent, to keep shouting at a child that’s obviously very upset is just abusive and cruel.