Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

999 replies

Twintub · 12/03/2021 08:31

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

OP posts:
BonnieDundee · 14/03/2021 14:37

This has really opened something up in me. Years of fury at male entitiled behaviour.

I’m 57 now, don’t get any attention. It’s such a fucking relief. The years between 12 and 32 were just a male free for all.

I’m so angry about what l had to put up with.

You could be me. The absolute relief I feel at not being a target any more. But yes to the anger for my younger self and what young women are still going through

darkclouds232 · 14/03/2021 14:40

I would be very very surprised if any woman said she didn't experience harassment. Harassment can be anything from wolf whistling, comments about appearance, to sexual assault.

Like many women, I've experienced unwanted and inappropriate attention from men since I was about 12. The first incident I remember is a waiter on holiday being overly friendly with me at about this age - he was probably in his late 20s.

Since then:

I've groped in broad daylight in busy shopping centres
Had a stalker on the train repeatedly follow me about and harass me for a kiss / phone number
A naked neighbour masturbated while looking at me through his window
Had my arse pinched by boys at school
Been the subject of inappropriate questions and comments from male bosses and colleagues

And countless cat calling, comments about my body etc. Women have been groomed to think this is all normal and we should just laugh it off. I hope the tide is now turning.

EvelynBeatrice · 14/03/2021 14:49

I too, even in a very sheltered middle class childhood and thereafter professional life, have encountered lots of this stuff. Very depressing. One other aspect I have been thinking about is the female conditioning. I was always taught that it was so important to be nice to boys and consider their fragile egos. In particular it was completely unacceptable to refuse to dance with a boy, even if you didn’t want to because he had wandering hands. You were just being silly and mustn’t hurt his feelings. I was a fairly self confident teen but I just went along with this ( stepping hard with heel on the errant male instep on occasion I admit). I never once thought to ask why my feelings about being forced to be in close contact with someone I didn’t like wasn’t as important at as his feelings of rejection.

EvelynBeatrice · 14/03/2021 14:53

And another thing - the only men outside my family I ever really speak to now other than about work matters are male taxi drivers. Pre lockdown I was discussing bringing up teenagers with one such driver and explained that I had made sure mine did Krav Maga and every form of self defence I could think of. His first thought was to say, poor young men...I bit his head off I’m afraid and said the only reason a boy would get hurt would be because he wouldn’t take No for an answer in which case I had zero sympathy!

Coffeeandcocopops · 14/03/2021 15:25

.” In particular it was completely unacceptable to refuse to dance with a boy, even if you didn’t want to because he had wandering hands”

We must have had the same mother! I was told it was rude to refuse as it took a lot of courage to ask a girl to dance.

No wonder I have relationship issues 😂

Coffeeandcocopops · 14/03/2021 15:28

A friend told me today that before lockdown another friend’s boyfriend walked my friend back to her house that she lived in with her H who was asleep. He came into the house to wait for a taxi. As she was putting the kettle on he came up behind her with his knob out.

BonnieDundee · 14/03/2021 15:40

A friend told me today that before lockdown another friend’s boyfriend walked my friend back to her house that she lived in with her H who was asleep. He came into the house to wait for a taxi. As she was putting the kettle on he came up behind her with his knob out.

FFS. Imagine being that man and actually thinking that is an okay thing to doShock

Roussette · 14/03/2021 16:24

A naked neighbour masturbated while looking at me through his window
God, I had that too.
Victorian terraced house and NDN used to look out the velux window in the roof at me when I was in the garden, whilst so obviously wanking.
Revolting

LNSL · 14/03/2021 16:48

@user26272829 I don't know what you've done or not done and no judgment from me. I'm not going to say I felt 'harassed' when I didn't. The time I had to kick someone's shins was a bad situation - finance director of our company, I was a recent graduate and was v drunk after a work event. He offered to see me home. This was odd as I lived in Holloway and he lived in Wandsworth. I was truly repulsed when he tried to kiss me and my knee jerk reaction was to kick him. Must have been hard as I didn't remember the next day until I realised my big toe was swollen and painful. But I still don't feel 'harassed' and I suspect by his reaction the next day he was suitably embarrassed.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 14/03/2021 16:52

On the basis of this thread, I think ALL schools should make self defence classes for girls mandatory.

Phoenixdays · 14/03/2021 18:48

@GoLightlyontheEarth

On the basis of this thread, I think ALL schools should make self defence classes for girls mandatory.
Totally agree. I had them at my school and still remember what to do if necessary
Iseeyoulookingatme · 14/03/2021 19:25

I'm 37 and I've been harassed, assaulted and raped. I still receive the odd beep or grab when I'm out. The earliest assault was when I was 8 years old by a teenage boy who grabbed my bum. The worst though was the amount of men who used to catchall and beep their horns at me as I walked to and from school in my uniform, I was very very young looking and it concerns me that men out there think that its OK to do that to kids. Most women I know have experience of being harassed, assaulted or worse. You are lucky if you haven't.

Pigglypoo · 14/03/2021 19:25

@HaNNaHC92

I'm 28 and have not experienced male harassment or even come close to. There's obviously a lot of women out there who have been, but I think the numbers are exaggerated and are still small compared to those who have not been.
I suspect this is because you define if differently? I am shocked that you haven't and isn't that sad?
Witchcraftandhokum · 14/03/2021 19:31

:40darkclouds232 I would be very very surprised if any woman said she didn't experience harassment. Harassment can be anything from wolf whistling, comments about appearance, to sexual assault.

And this is what I hate threads like this. 1. You need to look up the definition of harassment. 2. You need to stop accusing women of lying when they say it's not happened to them.

Original poster
Twintub · 14/03/2021 19:55

There will be a % of woman that haven’t experienced it for whatever reason I think statistically that must be true. It might not be many. My mum told me tonight she was attacked walking home she 17 she is 85 now she managed to scream get away and alert the neighbours bit she said the police and neighbours didn’t really believe her ...

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 14/03/2021 20:25

@BonnieDundee that sounds like my life. Sexual harassment started around age 8 when my family moved to North Africa ( not trying to make a point, just a fact) . Continued apace all my years there including some close shaves where I could easily have been raped. Didn’t tell my parents as I was ashamed. Classic victim shame. Since then harassment/ flashers/ guy masturbating in tube through his joggers while staring at me/ having my genitals grabbed in a crowd on the portobello road, etc. And now I am in my 50s, nothing, such a relief. It’s liberating, I do stuff I wouldn’t have done before such as hiking on my own. Everyone I am close enough to to ask has had an experience of harassment or aggression or stalking.

HV1952 · 14/03/2021 20:55

I’m in my 60s, and have had lots of the same experiences as posters here. Groped many times in the street here and abroad, all the usual lewd comments and cat calling. Men forcing themselves on me, having to run away from a rapist in he middle of the night. Probably the worst things were inappropriate comments from a male gynaecologist during an intimate examination, and having my breasts groped by a dentist in front of his wife. She was obviously complicit. I was paralysed with fear. The law needs to get much stronger with harassment and molestation/rape. Unfortunately I think the police are often not on the side of women.

inkstainjetplanes · 14/03/2021 22:55

I'm 28, I don't think I've been harassed by men ever.

GrolliffetheDragon · 15/03/2021 11:14

I posted this over on FWR

I was abused at 7 by a teenage boy. This was early 80s.

First time I got shouted at in the street by an adult male, I was 12. I was repeatedly groped in secondary school by boys in my year - hand on my bum, trying to slide a hand up my skirt, that sort of thing, and saw plenty of similar towards other girls, including one girl getting cornered by a cupboard and the boy touching her breasts. Got left on my own with a boy with a reputation for groping girls, and, well, got groped, forced to kiss him and he tried to make me touch him envy

Coffeeandcocopops · 15/03/2021 11:29

Today I was running. I’m 56. I run past a male runner. He calls out nice arse. Some would say that’s not harassment and is a compliment. I didn’t ask for it - it’s a sexualised comment that I wouldn’t say to my boss at work!

Donotfeedthebears · 15/03/2021 12:50

Since I’ve become pregnant and waddling I’ve experienced no hassle. Might stay heavily pregnant forever!

DrSbaitso · 15/03/2021 13:05

I got it while heavily pregnant. It lessened, but it still happened.

LucieStar · 15/03/2021 13:09

I've barely left the house since being heavily pregnant so I'm safe Grin

GrolliffetheDragon · 15/03/2021 13:30

@DrSbaitso

I got it while heavily pregnant. It lessened, but it still happened.
That's another one I'd forgotten. Heavily pregnant, minding my own business walking through town, these three men just started shouting at me. I think it was three, I didn't turn round to look in case it encouraged them in some way. Just head down, carried on walking. I don't know if they deliberately followed me or were just going that way anyway because it went on for a bit, shouting suggestive comments at me, laughing. I was just praying they would stop because I couldn't run. There were loads of people about, it wasn't late, and they felt it was fine to do that.
poppycat10 · 15/03/2021 13:35

I've not experienced much in the UK beyond the tacky whistling from builders and the odd comment by white van man but fortunately I can't usually hear what they say so just assume it's something complimentary Grin

I've had more in Germany - being hassled in a bar (fortunately was with friends) and talking Welsh to each other to get rid of him as he couldn't work out what nationality we were, being looked up and down by a flatmate's North African friends (I think their nationality is relevant) and a colleague smacking my bottom in the office, though I soon gave him what for in front of other colleagues.

I was talking to my mum about this and she said she doesn't remember being harassed. She said a couple of guys tried it on, but she told them no way and they accepted it for the most part - though there's always at least one who calls you frigid etc.

I had a boy"friend" who called me frigid when I wouldn't sleep with him when I was 17 although I think he was egged on. Teenage boys can be pretty horrible but you would hope that they would grow out of it.