Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

Correction, I have 3 stories. Forgot about the Joiner who had fitted my skirting boards and decided to move in for a kiss .....
Cheeky Fucker

I just asked my sons girlfriend early 20s her first experience like so many others was when she was 12 in school uniform and someone winding down the window offering show her a. Good time. There are so many woman that have said the first time was an older man while they were in school uniform that’s pretty horrific.

I don’t know any woman who hasn’t been assaulted by a man.

I think every female has experienced or seen it in some way, what differs maybe is their tolerance towards it?

Lots of comments like 'only cat called' or 'just had my arse felt in a club once or twice'.

None of this should be happening. Ever.

I was groomed and kidnapped by a baby sitter come on to by my step sisters dad, watched as I undressed by my step brother, come on to by my step brother from my dads next relationship, groped by countless men in nightclubs, touched on the leg by a male colleague (a teacher) physically abused by my step mother emotionally abused by my step mother, chased on New Year’s Eve by a man with a knife. Etc etc etc.

@LucieStar

Well my 3yer old had a little boy ask to see her privates at school just before lockdown. Discovered he'd done it to several girls and some boys.

Wow. Safeguarding red flags there. I hope the little boy's home environment is being investigated as asking those types of questions at that age is beyond concerning.

Worse than that his father is a policeman!

So when some on here openly suggest that women are lying it makes my blood boil because just this morning I was teaching her again about who can and cant look, touch, photo, her privates because even so young I realise the predators are all around.

Oh yeah and one guy I was having sex with took the condom off in the dark so I didn’t know.

Me.

I'm 38 and I have too many stories to count.
They started when I was around 14 and still happen now.
The ones that stick in my mind are:
Being offered a job because I had nice boobs
Being asked by a boss what colour underwear I was wearing every single shift
Dancing on a stage and having a man put his hand up my skirt
While walking to a taxi with my husband a man grabbed me and told me to give him a blow job
Numerous catcalls
Numerous gropes while in bars
Numerous inappropriate emails and social media messages

Being sexually harassed by men happens to me often. Wolf whistles, shouting from cars or pressing the horn, explicit comments, stares etc. I can describe so many incidents that have happened recently. One where I hadn't even made it out of my garden gate when a van drove past and a man shouted out a load of disgusting stuff. Another incident not too long after that I was crossing the road and the guy that was stopped at the lights repeatedly pressed the horn and made rude gestures. Both times I was walking with a pushchair with my 2 year old son in it. I was also cat called by some work men working on a roof at my place of work (a hospital). It really does sicken me.

I'm 50 and my friend and I were having this conversation today. We both agreed that neither of us felt like we'd EVER been harassed. But we also acknowledged that what's defined as harassment may have changed over time. For example wolf whistling/cat calling isn't something we would define as harassment, we would just ignore it and keep walking.

I'm 45 and the only time I've been scared of a man was during my marriage.

There's been the odd drunken idiot trying it on and nightclub, and a colleague who, in some people's eyes might have been considered inappropriate in some of his comments but given he was younger than me, clearly just bantering and could take as much he dished out, I never felt threatened by him at all.

That said, I've certainly been wary of all the usual stuff for as long as I can remember...walking at night, being careful getting taxis on my own etc.

40's here and never have.

Haven’t rtft so I’m sure it’s been asked, but those of you saying you’ve never experienced harassment - never had men catcall, grope or rub up against you in a crowd, stare at your tits, come on to you and react badly if rebuffed? Really?

@MumofPsuedoAdult

I'm 50 and my friend and I were having this conversation today. We both agreed that neither of us felt like we'd EVER been harassed. But we also acknowledged that what's defined as harassment may have changed over time. For example wolf whistling/cat calling isn't something we would define as harassment, we would just ignore it and keep walking.

I'm pleased someone else made this point too. Not all women define that sort of behaviour as harassment.

From puberty onwards, I have been groped, touched, flashed at, followed, and harassed on several occasions both in the UK and abroad. It is not uncommon. I shared a few examples with a 30 yr old male colleague and he was stunned (or appeared to be so).

This is so wrong. Always have been. And the Met have made it so much worse tonight.

I was 13 the first time I faced explicit harassment. I was in my school uniform walking to the pool for after school training. Two young men pulled over in their car and made comments about my body and asked me to go "have fun" with them.

It became worse in my late teens/twenties, going out and to festivals and men would touch and grab you or rub against you without consent.

I'm now in my thirties and I don't have one friend who hasn't been harassed or assaulted. I'm sick of it. And always having to protect yourself; no trains at night, no walking at night, keeping your keys in your hand when walking to your car.

I'm pleased someone else made this point too. Not all women define that sort of behaviour as harassment.

There must be a generational element, although perhaps it's also a perception thing.

I've had bloke shout out of car windows at me driving on several occasions, wolf whistles etc, but its never been in a context that has made me fearful that I might be harmed.

My usual response has been to tell them to fuck off or flick a v sign and get on with my day.

None of which makes that kind of behaviour right of course. I guess you could say that no woman should be so conditioned to accept that kind of 'low level' behaviour that it just rolls off them.

I have stories about men too. But actually the worst, emotional abuse that affected me most was all by women. So I won't be joining any sisterhood soon.

@MumofPsuedoAdult

I'm 50 and my friend and I were having this conversation today. We both agreed that neither of us felt like we'd EVER been harassed. But we also acknowledged that what's defined as harassment may have changed over time. For example wolf whistling/cat calling isn't something we would define as harassment, we would just ignore it and keep walking.

There are two different factors in your post: defining harassment, and how you feel about it.

I'm 50 too and back in the 80s sexual harassment didn't really exist.

It didn't exist when a teacher flirted, pawed & generally chased me all the time I was at that school; it didn't exist when I was followed, chased, catcalled, grabbed, stroked, commented on; or the couple of times someone tried to drag me into a car, or the time a mini cab driver tried to drive me out of London.

Some of those times I felt harassed, some I didn't - a lot of whistling, comments, banter, touchy feely really doesn't bother me - depends on the context and the motive.

Looking back it all adds up to a culture of harassment though. I think the definitions now are correct. I also think women have much more awareness and words for what is happening to them now than we did then, if they can't do much about it.

I think the first time I was ever really aware of this was aged about 13, when neighbours I babysat for asked if I'd be willing to help out at a party they were giving - basically serve the buffet food and keep on top of the kitchen chaos so they wouldn't wake up to a bomb site next morning.

Their kitchen was open-plan to the main room where the party was happening and as I stood washing up at the sink I could hear a group of male guests discussing me and what they'd like to do to me. All of them 'professional' educated men - the host was a solicitor - in their late 30s/40s. Probably all fathers of youngish children, doubtless some with daughters my sort of age.

That was a depressing moment of awakening for me.

Of course sexual harassment existed in the 80s!

I always hated it.

I always saw it for what it was.

Those who say cat calling is not harassment. Shouting show us your tits at a girl in school uniform is just. Banter?

Driving alongside and saying get in the car? Brush it off?

But driver telling my friend he'd let her off her fare if he could feel her tits? When she was 13 or 14. Harmless fun?

Sure we knew that we were supposed to 'laugh it off', deal with the men ourselves, not tell parents or make a fuss.

But it doesn't mean it wasn't shit.

I’m 50 and still experience this. Years ago I was groped on the top of a bus by a man who had strategically spread his broadsheet newspaper over his lap which had overlapped over my leg to conceal his actions. I told my mum and her response was that I deserved it as in her view, I dressed too provocatively ( I wasn’t at the time, not that it mattered). Now my daughters aged 14 and 16 are harassed relentlessly by grown men and unfortunately have a long road ahead of them.

*Those who say cat calling is not harassment. show us your tits at a girl in school uniform is just. Banter?

Driving alongside and saying get in the car? Brush it off?*

Firstly - shouting anything of a sexual nature to a school aged child is disgusting, so of course that wouldn't be accepted by most people. Secondly, "get in the car" is sinister and threatening and I'd feel very frightened by that.
You're using specific examples that are so different to what (at least I personally) have experience. I've had "nice arse" yelled at me from a car full of men whilst running, been beeped at, and whistled at. If someone had driven slowly alongside me and gone "get in the car", however, I'd fucking shit myself and be trying to get their reg to report them. Context is crucial.

So again (I can't speak for others on this thread), I said the catcalling that I personally had experienced, in its particular context, did not feel threatening to me. Again, I fully fully accept that they might to someone else. Your examples, however, feel very different to me and I would view them as threatening and constituting harassment.

bold fail again!