To not host my ex in laws for parties and Christmas etc anymore

[cadburyegg]

Husband and I separated in November, he moved out. We have 2 young DC, age 6 and 3. DC live with me. For Christmas, partly because it was so soon after the seperation, but also because of the restrictions, we agreed to have Christmas day as it would normally be, so he came over and spent all day here, then my mum and his parents came over in the afternoon and we cooked etc for them.

The thing is every Christmas - and this one was no different - its always me left in the kitchen doing the food and loading the dishwasher and everyone else sitting round eating and playing with the children. I barely saw my children at all. My mum did bring dessert, but in laws didn't lift a finger. They never have done.

I am sick of it and now husband and I are separated I don't see why I should be doing it. My mum implied that - obviously post covid/in line with restrictions - i should be hosting my in laws for all birthday parties, and Christmas and every celebration like we did when we were still together. I don't want to and don't see why I should be expected to. She said it would be "better for the children".

AIBU?

No chance I’d do this. In the nicest possible way, they aren’t your problem anymore.

Absolutely no way. Is your mum quite elderly or did she grow up in a different culture, I really can’t understand her mind set. Even my grandmothers, had they still been here, and would have been over a hundred years old would have said fuck that.

Wtf would you be cooking them all Xmas dinner. Especially since at some point you will both habe new partners.

Who voted rhe op was being unreasonable..,show yourself 😂

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah.....NO

@Bluntness100

Who voted rhe op was being unreasonable..,show yourself 😂

Her MIL, clearly [grin[

@GinNotGym19

God no! One of the huge upside of divorce is not entertaining your in laws on Xmas etc anymore! It’s down to your ex to facilitate. You’ll find once things settle you’ll alternate events like Xmas/birthdays or split the days too so won’t be an expectation to host everyone

Lol - upside for me was not having to deal with the ex. He and his dw (OW) started going overseas for a "warm" xmas - we carried on hosting both sides of the family, including his dps, for about 10yrs.

I loved my ex MIL, She was an amazing gran and stayed supportive of me and the dc post divorce. We supported her as she moved into sheltered accommodation as the exH had moved hours away to live with the new wife.

I would have hated the ex coming round, but his parents were a delight.

I would ask them to bring something when they come or I would order a take sway and ask everyone to contribute or I will ask their son to do most of the work

@Justmuddlingalong

Maybe your DM can host and cook for you all this Christmas? ExILs and all. Tell her you'll bring dessert.

This.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Spend the day eating sweets and playing with your kids and let the lot of them sort themselves out in their own houses for future occasions-even your mum, tbh. Maybe they’ll see what a shit job hosting can be if nobody helps out!

Your DH can take his turn with his family.

Nope. No hosting. They can see the kids at ex-DH place and he can look after them.

I'm guessing separated holidays will be part of your divorce agreement. My ex is not invited to any events that I host for my family.

If they were delightful company and fantastically helpful it would still be a really nice thing for you to do. But as they are CFs, you can pull the plug without the slightest hint of guilt.

She said it would be "better for the children".

it's a dreadful example for the children to witness their mum treated like a servant and being walked over by the in-laws! That is not going to do them any favour in life.

As the poster wrote above: fuck that.
You can be civil without being a doormat.

@Blacktothepink

Fuck that!

This!!

I wouldn't even entertain my own in-laws like that for Christmas whist married, so once separated? Hell no.

Christmas is family time, to enjoy your own children, open gifts together and making the most of them.

Christmas is NOT about entertaining relatives and missing out on your own family.

No.

It’s a perk of the divorce that your XH can now entertain his own parents

We have to fight against this (ex-) wifework shit

Throw them back into the ex's court. Tell him it's his turn to host them for Christmas this year and see what happens...

@MuddleMoo

If your ex wants a family thing then he can host it

This

They can host. Your in-laws and mum

Just wait for the invites

I voted yabu to even consider it!!

yanbu. My in laws visited for Christmas and also didn't lift a finger to help. They even woke us up by rushing into our bedroom at 6am. Dh and I spent the whole day cooking, cleaning up after them and rushing around to sort everything they wanted. They left just before midnight and DH and I realised we hadn't even had the chance to say Merry Christmas to each other. We're having Christmas day for just the two of us from now on, we've told them we'll visit either eve or boxing day but that's it.

Perhaps your mum would like set up her own catering business
Or meals on wheels

Cause no

No, no, no. If you’re having a big party for a birthday, then maybe, yes, it’d be nice to invite them. No obligation for you to do so, but might be nice if the kids want them there. But Christmas? No. If anything, it could even be a bit confusing for the children. My old boss used to holiday with his ex wife and stay over at Christmas “because the kids liked it”. Done with the best of intentions, but it was a bloody nightmare when they both went on to meet new partners.

Shit sorry i pressed YABU and not YANBU by mistake.

Fuck that shit - your Ex can host his family and your family can host you!

Is your mum or MIL on here?! I can’t believe anyone else would vote YABU!