Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

I barely know my step mother as my dad and she live abroad but I send a card. It seems to make her happy and I like to think we have been welcoming to her as a family.

@snowisfallingallaroundus they married when I was a teenager.
I've never had any problem with her and she is lovely but I've also never spent time alone with her or visited when my father wasn't there.
We just haven't been that close.

As someone else said, it does depend on family dynamics but I think it would be nice, although you probably can't rely on it. Everyone has different feelings about these things.
I'm not a stepmum myself but my son's stepmum is absolutely lovely. She treats my DS same as she does her own, and he adores her. I'm really pleased that DS is part of a family at her house as well as at mine. I'm going to get DS to make her a card for Mother's Day just so she knows she's appreciated.
I know not everyone's dynamic is the same, but DS having a 'mum' relationship with his stepmum doesn't stop him from having it with me.

Thanks for replying @quarentini

Interesting to see other experiences

It's the children's choice if they're old enough to decide.

I used to send my step-dad cards on fathers' day because, even though he wasn't my dad and I still saw my dad regularly, he did his best by us (my older sibling and me) and was a fantastic father figure.

I am a stepmother and I have a stepmother. I wouldn't send my SM a card if my life depended on it, but I normally get flowers from my SDC.

Both are valid.

I think it’s a day for mother or those who fulfil that role. If that’s you, then YANBU.

I would absolutely never give a card or present to a step mum mostly because I do not have a good relationship with the one I have as she's a vile excuse of a human being and does not deserve it. So in my eyes Mother's day is for your mother.

If you have always been there and supported, raised, cared for and have a good relationship with your step kids then I don't see why not.

But expecting to get something from them is being unreasonable in my opinion.

I think you are being unreasonable from the point of view of expecting recognition. I don't expect anything as a mum as it is just a made up day rather than a birthday for example.
Better to not over think it and be pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed.

I'm a stepmother and don't expect a thing and have never been acknowledged on Mother's Day by my stepchildren which is fine they have a mum and it's their choice.
I also have a stepmother who will be receiving a gift and a card the same as every year nothing big mind but a small token to say thank you for all she's done for me.

Surely this is a decision for the step-child(ren)? If they want to acknowledge the role of a step-mum in their lives then that's just lovely. But as a step-mum I would not expect it and I would not want the child(ren) to have any kind of pressure put on them to send (or not send) a Mother's Day card or gift.

This is where the whole “treat them like your own”, “equal savings and inheritance”, “do the childcare, they are a child of the family after all” arguments always fall flat on their face.
You can’t be in a parent/child relationship alone, it has to go both ways or you could easily end up feeling unappreciated and resentful.

YABU - you are not their mother

It really depends on the family situation i guess. I get both my step parents mothers/fathers day card and gift

I think it totally depends on the situation within an individual family.

My DD’s step-mother (now ex step-mother) used to complain that they didn’t get her anything, but she never made them feel welcome in her and their Dad’s home so why would they? (To the point they weren’t invited to their half-brother’s christening because it was for close family only...)

DS1 is technically my step-son, but will do something for me for Mother’s Day because he considers me his Mum. He’ll take flowers to the cemetery for his Mummy as well.

I think it depends on the relationship too. A friend of mine usually gets a card from her adult step children but no more than that. She is very happy with a card.

September 16 is National Step Family Day in the US. I've never seen anything in the UK but it could be one way of acknowledging the role of step parents.

I get a card and flowers from my stepsons on Mother’s Day. I also get my stepmum flowers and card on Mother’s Day because I love her and she does a lot for me, it’s appreciating her. I guess it does depend on family dynamics but really there’s no reason why not? I’d say the same for stepdads too.

I think it largely depends on your relationship with your step children and whether THEY want to recognise mothers day for you.
There is no set rules on it, you see mothers day cards for step mums and for grandmother's who've bought up their grandkids in place of parents. It's largely encumbent on how they feel and how they see you and not being forced to recognise it because you want to be.

There are so many different relationships between children and step parents and it can depend when you came into their lives. There are people who only give their step-parents a card and gift on the day as they're more mum or dad than their biological parent.

I think the only circumstances in which it would be reasonable for the children to acknowledge you on Mother's Day are either if their mum was out of the picture altogether and you were the only mother figure they had, or if the children independently decided to do something for you as well as their mum.

It's a difficult one and very subjective. It doesn't mean they don't appreciate you if they don't get you a card though.

I'm a mother to my DD and I don't expect anything on mother's day 😂

No for me, we get on ok but my SM is just the woman who married my dad rather than any kind of mother figure.

I'm very close to my SM and not at all close to my DM, I send a card to my DM but I send flowers, chocolates and surprise gifts etc to my SM as she's the one who's always there for me.

It's not all about blood relationships!

depends:

I see my stepdad as my dad, he has been involved almost my whole life and shaped who I am as a person so fatherday is for him.

I see my 'stepmams' as my deadbeat dads recent flavor (non last more than 5 years), I dont dislike them and most have been nice to me but non are in any way remotely comparable to my mam, they are more like a cousin or auntie at best.

guess it does depend on family dynamics but really there’s no reason why not?

But there's endless reasons why not. If you think for just a minute I'm sure you can think of many.