Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

@Allyo19

I get a card from my step kids. My highlight was 'thinking of you'.

The only person I would ever buy for on Mother’s Day is my mother. The clue is in the title.
Just like I wouldn’t send Easter cards at Christmas

I am a step mother. My stepson is late 20’s. I have a lovely relationship with him, having been married to his father since he was 2. He always gets me flowers or a token to say thank you. I’ve always done a lot for him. I’d be disappointed if he didn’t even bother to send a gesture.

I know it’s a tricky time for many families though, especially if there’s a fractious relationship with the step child’s mother. I’m lucky that it’s not the case for me. She’s lovely.

I have always got my stepdad things. He’s incredible, hands on, would give the world for us and has always shown that, does now I have children too!
My step mum who’s been in my life the same amount is an absolute horror and the one year I did get her something she told me she’s not my parent and I’m an unfortunate extension of my dad.

It entirely depends on the relationship you have.

I always buy for my stepdad on Father's Day and also would not be worried if my DC got their step mum something on Mother's Day. Surely it's just a symbol that you value that person in their 'step' role.

I think it’s a lovely idea. So many children are part of blended families and if they have a stepmother who they love, and who loves them, I think it’s lovely to recognise that on Mother’s Day 😊

Totally dependent on family dynamics and relationship, and the feelings of those involved.

I'm a step-mother to four and would never expect to receive any kind of acknowledgement from them on Mother's Day. They have an excellent mother and, whilst I care about them, I don't have that role in their lives.

On the other hand, I found out recently that my step-grandfather is hurt never to have received a card from me on Father's Day. He married my grandma before I was born, he's supported me in many ways and I love him dearly, but he's not my dad! So, I had never thought I needed to send him anything.

Mothering Sunday is a day when it is traditional for people to thank their mother for what she has done for them if they would like to do so.

It's not a day where anyone, mothers included, should start deciding what thanks they are entitled to receive. Anything given under duress becomes meaningless.

Lots of people do caring things for others and don't have a special day to be recognised for it.

Forget about it. One Mothering Sunday in the future, one of your SDC might decide to thank you for everything you've done for them. If that happens, it will be from the heart and a million times more meaningful than anything they did out of duty or guilt.

I woudn't expect or want a card for Mother's Day.

I used to get my DGMs and my DM something on Mothers' Day. My DGMs were not my mother!

A bunch of flowers would be nice!

It would be interesting to know what's prompted you to say this. I agree with others saying it entirely depends on the dynamic. But conversely, if the reason it bothers you not to receive one is that you feel you are putting too much work in and getting no appreciation, then you are entirely within your rights to step back on "motherly" duties.

Dh always gets cards and gift for his stepmum and stepdad even though he doesn't particularly get along with them. it depends on the relationship, how the mum and dad feel about it and how deep people think mother's day is.

Some people think mother's day is some sacred holy day that is only reserved for biological mothers to be worshipped. They are twats. Anyone can get a gift or card on mother's day if someone thinks they're nice enough.

I always sent flowers and card to my stepmum and grandma cards from the kids, she's been in my life since I was around 11,thats most of my life, she is my children's grandma too. Doesn't mean we love my mum any less. This is my first mother's day without my lovely stepmum, she died the beginning of December and I'm absolutely devastated I've got one less card and bouquet of flowers to buy and one less mum to talk to

I send my step mum a card and flowers on Mother’s Day. She doesn’t have her own children and I think she really appreciates it

Did anyone see the program about Rio Ferdinand - his 2nd wife helped the kids bring a mothers day card and flowers to remember the deceased mother and I thought it was so classy of her. Mothering comes from lots of people, and step mums who do it are as worthy of recognition as anyone else.

Some people think mother's day is some sacred holy day that is only reserved for biological mothers to be worshipped. They are twats

If they feel like that for themselves, if people think that mothers day is for their mother, they are not twats. It's a perfectly normal thing for them to think.
Just as its perfectly normal for you to think its a day for your stepmother etc.
No need for the namecalling.

Stepmum here in same sex relationship. I love them and look after them. But I've always felt that Mother's Day is for the children's mum, not me.

@FullofCurryandparatha

Some people think mother's day is some sacred holy day that is only reserved for biological mothers to be worshipped. They are twats

If they feel like that for themselves, if people think that mothers day is for their mother, they are not twats. It's a perfectly normal thing for them to think.
Just as its perfectly normal for you to think its a day for your stepmother etc.
No need for the namecalling.

I'm talking about the people who believe this should be the case for everyone. Some of us have dead mums and would like to give another woman a card and gift on the same day and get told we're ruining the name of mother's day. They are twats and I shall continue to call them that.

Not BU to want to be recognised, you would be U to force it though.

My SS is 22, since being a teenager, I've always received a message on Facebook messenger saying 'Happy Mothers Day' & asking how my day has been but I don't expect it and it's a nice surprise when the message appears.

Same happens on my birthday too, as he lives roughly about 1.5hour away so we don't see them to be able to drop off cards and I wouldn't expect them (SS & girlfriend) to pay postage for a card to be sent.

I get my stepmum a card for mothers day and my stepdad a card for fathers day, they might not be my parents but they've done a bloody lot for me and my brother and that should be acknowledged.
Hope you get a card OP

I think some of the posts on here are horrible! I have a lovely step mum and had a step dad who did the majority of my parenting until last year when he died. I treated them on mother's/Father's Day just like I did my Mum & Dad! I barely saw my dad growing up as he was a surgeon so my step mum was a main parental influence in that household! I love her! She's not my mum but she's the next best thing!

I think it depends, its's different if they live with you, and their mum isn't really in the picture, versus you only see them once a fortnight. I help my ds get a present for his step mum on her birthday and Christmas, but wouldn't for mother's day. But I also only send a card to my actual mum, not my aunty / grandmother / godmother. I guess if I did them generally for important women in my life I'd include a stepmum? That isn't the tradition in our family though.

I think some of the posts on here are horrible!

Like what?

@FullofCurryandparatha

I think some of the posts on here are horrible!

Like what?

Did you read them? There's plenty!