Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

I think it's a decision for the children involved. And it would be nice if they recognised you but is no negative thing if they don't. It's actually the day for their mother.

My dad met my stepmother after I left home, but I still buy her flowers on mother’s day. I don’t think it’s odd?? I’m just recognising her maternal “status” and thank her for looking after my dad.

People sound so insecure and bitter to me.

I give step FIL (who is not called grandad but is a grandad figure) a "to a lovely man" card acknowledging that we all love him.

There s some drama as to why he is only called "steve" so that's the most neutral and loving thing I can think of!

I'm a stepmum but would feel uncomfortable if my SC got me a card. I'd feel it was more that they felt they should than they wanted to. I much prefer that they just treat me with respect.

Insecure and bitter cos you only send a card and present to your mum?? How do you work that one out??

I don’t really understand the level of vitriol some people in here have for step mothers. It’s one of the weird MN tropes.

@purpleme12 no one said that 🙄 nice twisting tho

Yabu to expect it.
If children want to do something for their step mother on mothers day, that's great. If they don't, that's fine too. You're not their mother and they shouldn't be made to feel like they are obligated to do anything for you on mothers day.

I always remind my ex to get something for his dp from our girls abs used to get them to make her something, she's in their life and should be recognised.

I'm glad my girls have 2 mother figures, I'm their only mum thou

If the children want to fair enough but I wouldnt expect anything. I dont mean to sounds horrible but I agree with those that suggest if the children have a mother the day should be about her

I’m a stepmum and I’ve never seen it as my day to be honest. I feel like my birthday is the time to appreciate me for the things I do.

I don’t really understand the level of vitriol some people in here have for step mothers. It’s one of the weird MN tropes

I don't understand why people always completely invent vitriol aimed at stepmothers, when anyone isn't 110% positivity. I mean, there's none whatsoever on this thread so far, so why the above?

I always gave my step dad a fathers day card, but I did live with him for a couple of years and he was like a second dad to me. I have never got my step mum one but that's because she lives in a different country, and I have only met her a couple of times. It depends on the relationship you have.

@purpleme12

Insecure and bitter cos you only send a card and present to your mum?? How do you work that one out??

You couldn't sound anymore insecure and bitter if you tried 😂

The clues in the name step-mum.
Me and siblings have always bought flowers for my step mum. Ive known her since i was about 5 and just naturally did. Tbh i think this has been more since we were working adult though and not something we did as kids.

You're not their mother and they shouldn't be made to feel like they are obligated to do anything for you on mothers day.

Equally OP shouldn’t be made to feel like she is obligated to do all these mum duties. Too many people expect step-mums to do all the work ‘because that’s what you signed up for when you married him’.

Is there a stepmother day in the US, a week after mother's day? Or did I imagine that maybe 🤔

I think it would be nice for you to receive a card etc

It depends on lots of things. It’s really more about how your DSC see you than how you see them. If they see you as a parental figure they may want to recognise you, but if they don’t it would be odd to give you something on Mother’s Day.

They do cards for step mum

So i think, yes, a card atleast would be nice

Equally OP shouldn’t be made to feel like she is obligated to do all these mum duties. Too many people expect step-mums to do all the work ‘because that’s what you signed up for when you married him’

Not really the same thing though, is it? The woman chooses to go into that role, the children have no choice in the matter. Rather a worrying way of you to frame it actually.

A step parent having raised the child from when they were a baby/toddler, yes. A step parent when the real parent is in the picture, no.
It doesn't mean you don't deserve recognition though, but this could be organized by their dad at any other date than Mother's day.

Of course you should be. I always sent cards to my stepdad on Father's Day.
Then again we send cards to parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and godparents on mother's and father's days. To me it's normal

When my dss lived with us (aged 19-25) he did. I was doing caring type things for him, cooking etc. And he did. Stepmum card and a box of chocs which was not expected but appreciated. Now he has moved out I don't and that is fine. I am not his mum and he is living independently.

So I think if you are in the caring mum type role it is a nice thing to do.

On mothers day there are actually lots of cards in shops
Step mum
Like a mum
Someone special
Nan
Aunty

Etc etc

@InkyOctopus

My dad met my stepmother after I left home, but I still buy her flowers on mother’s day. I don’t think it’s odd?? I’m just recognising her maternal “status” and thank her for looking after my dad.

People sound so insecure and bitter to me.

That is so nice.

I get something from my adult SC, they are lovely too.