Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

Oh, man, there are so many factors here. How old are the children? How old were they when you married their father? How long have you been their step-mother? How much time do they spend with you? What is their relationship with you generally? And I'm sure I'm missing a LOT of things in this.

I did vote YNBU, but...it depends. Let's say YANBU to think it would be nice to be recognized in some way, but YABU to expect it. How's that for splitting the difference?

I don’t have a step mum so not sure if this counts, but if I did I wouldn’t give her a card or gift as I think it would feel like I was betraying or belittling my DM

Just because you acknowledge your mum doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge step mum too. Circumstances matter but I actually think it’s quite rude not to say/do something.

Yanbu, I'm a step mum to 2 teenagers and receive a cake, cards and get pampered on mother's day

@youllbeoldertoo

Oohhhh someone has issues! How nasty, better sort that chip on your shoulder out.

Although I wouldn’t necessarily see him on Mother’s Day, if I did, my stepson would definitely acknowledge me with a card etc.

I was forced by my father to give my stepmum card and gifts on mother's day. It made me feel powerless and humiliated to have to do that as she was not my mum - and crucially I realise, was not very nice.

That's why I voted YABU - not because you and others are not lovely step parents, but because kids should not have to do so if they feel uncomfortable doing this for a non parent.

I always give my step-mum and my mum a card and gift on Mothering Sunday. They have both played a huge part in my life. The shops provide 'like a mother to me' cards for a reason.

I’m not a stepmum but my husband is a stepdad. Every year on Father’s Day the daughter that isn’t his gets him a card and a little token gift to show her appreciation of him. It’s a nice thing to do because she has a good relationship with him and wants him to know that she appreciates him and everything he does for her.

I was very lucky to have a wonderful step mum for 30 years and I always recognised her with a card and gift on Mother’s Day. I miss her now.

I buy my step mum a card and present. Not every year, but most. I appreciate what she does for us and I love her, even if not quite like my mum. Its just a day to say thank you and glad you are who you are

Not unreasonable at all xx if I had a lovely step mom I would buy her a card and flowers and make her feel loved x I think it depends on the children and what age they are x happy Mother’s Day for tomorrow hun!! Sounds like you do lots for them xx

I love her, even if not quite like my mum. Its just a day to say thank you and glad you are who you are

The OP never mentioned the word love in her posts. In fact it was noticeably missing.

The OP seemingly wants to receive a thank you card for ‘treating them well’ on Mother’s Day.

@Bluenightowl

True enough. But I think that the debate has moved beyond the OP, who has long ago left the thread. It’s become an interesting discussion about posters’ own relationships with their stepmums.

DP gave me a card which I couldn't save for tomorrow as really wanted to read it.
Been with him nearly 3 years now and he has always said how strong the bond is between myself and his kids, particularly his youngest. He thanked me for being there for them and making them all so happy. It was a lovely gesture and made me very happy.

MiaMarshmallows
You've got a good one there!

Maybe your husband, rather than his child, could do something for you for Mother’s Day. After all, he should be the one thanking you for all that you do for him as stepmother to his child.

I am a (very miserable) stepmum. Miserable because of my husband’s behaviour and attitude. The last thing on Earth I want is a Mother’s Day card (presented as if it is) from my husband’s children. That would just make it worse for everyone tomorrow.

What I want is to spend the day with my own children. And for my husband’s other children to spend it with their mother. Instead, I’m being ignored because my husband is insisting that it’s ‘his contact weekend’ and he’s planned a trip out for his older children. Apparently I could have tagged along if I chose (it explicitly would just be me coming along - it wouldn’t be about me in the least).

So I’m planning my own mother’s day with my children. And actually I’m grateful that my husband won’t be here. I don’t want to spend the day with children who have a mother they could be with (and their father with his attitude problem).

My husband’s children, meanwhile, haven’t had a Mother’s Day with their mother in 3 years now. I’m certain she’d like to have them with her tomorrow. If they knew it was Mother’s Day at all, they’d want to spend it with her. But I doubt their father will mention Mother’s Day. They certainly would not choose to spend the day with me rather than their mother. Nor should they.

The only person who thinks this is reasonable is my husband.

I think that by expecting this you are putting lot of pressure and bringing an angst into the relationship that is not needed. Your step kids may decide to do this but if they don't you should not see this as a slight. They have a mum. You may be lovely and kind but they may still not see you in the same way and may also not want to cause possible hurt to their mum.

Fishyfriday you deserve better than the situation you are in. Sounds like you need an exit plan. What type of guy wouldn't swap weekends for mothers day. You sound lovely, he sounds awful.

@Wishitsnows

Fishyfriday you deserve better than the situation you are in. Sounds like you need an exit plan. What type of guy wouldn't swap weekends for mothers day. You sound lovely, he sounds awful.

I’m working on one.

He genuinely thinks he does nothing wrong and I’m a horrible person. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m going out this afternoon with my children to give them money and let them choose me a card and present.

YANBU... my daughters school encourage Mother's Day / significant women (I guess not all children have a dotting mother) in your life and I don't disagree (as long as my young daughter makes it mainly about me!) but she's also made card & poem for my mum because she adores her so much, there's no harm in recognising other influential women in my daughters life.

I'm a stepmum and my stepkids don't do anything towards me on Mother's day. It would be nice if they did, but no one suggested it when they were little so it's not part of the tradition. I don't get hung up on it though. I have a great relationship with them and I think they appreciate what I bring to the table in their own ways. I wouldn't want them to feel they had to do something that made them feel disloyal to their mum. I council easy-breeziness about it.

I'm a stepmum this is my 5th Mother's Day as a stepmum this year my stepdaughter who is an adult sent me a card To a lovely stepmum I am beside myself with happiness

I've just opened two beautiful cards one each from both my step children who incidentally have a lovely mum, my step kids are 22 and 25 and it was so lovely to receive these cards. I've been their step mum for 15 years.

If you're not their mum - and you are stressing that you don't want to be their mum - why do you want a mother's day card?