Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

Depends completely on the relationship, it’s nice if they do but it shouldn’t be expected. Have you gotten a card before??

I do card and flowers for my step mom. She does a bloody lot for my family, my kids adore her she is their nanny and she's a great person. I'd be truly lost without her!

@jamthencreamyoufool the woman marries the man, nit his children. The children remain his responsibility , it’s at the woman’s discretion how involved she wants to be, she shouldn’t feel obligated. Worrying that you think women are obligated.

I get a card from my step kids. My highlight was 'thinking of you'.

Why, in a caring relationship, wouldn't someone acknowledge a step parent, foster parent or adoptive parent? The child/ partner would have to be a hugely spoilt, ungrateful sort to not take a moment to acknowledge the input.

If there

the woman marries the man, nit his children. The children remain his responsibility , it’s at the woman’s discretion how involved she wants to be, she shouldn’t feel obligated. Worrying that you think women are obligated

You know when people do actually react badly on SM threads...this shit is why. Marrying a man with children and then saying those kids are nothing to do with me, I'll do as I like....wow.
Hope you're not a SM.

When we were little, as well as my mum we use to get both nans and my aunty a card and presents

As adults, we still do that now....

When my god child was little, i use to get a card and gift from her

I'm in my 30s now but I always wish my step mum a happy mothers day, when I was younger I would always get her a card, I know she isn't my mum but she stepped up to that role when I was at my dads and il always appreciate that

I'm a stepmum and have my own DC. DSD does buy me a stepmum card, but only because she wants to. My wee gift is usually from both of them-we don't do big gifts!
My last birthday card read 'to my favourite weirdo' so she knows how to pick them! I'm absolutely not her mum but I do a lot for her and we get on well. Its nice she appreciates that, she's a bloody good kid.
On the other side of this, yesterday we went shopping and I helped her buy mothers day presents for her mum.

DS buys for DH (his stepdad), but we've been together since he was a toddler and he's brought him up as much as I have. He also sees his Dad and obviously gives him something too.

DH doesn't buy anything for his stepmum, but she only met his Dad when DH was in his late 20's so hasn't taken any part in bringing him up. She doesn't even have a grandmother name from our children - her choice.

So I think it's very dependent on the circumstances

@jamthencreamyoufool

Equally OP shouldn’t be made to feel like she is obligated to do all these mum duties. Too many people expect step-mums to do all the work ‘because that’s what you signed up for when you married him’

Not really the same thing though, is it? The woman chooses to go into that role, the children have no choice in the matter. Rather a worrying way of you to frame it actually.

No, the stepmum had chosen to marry their dad. Dad can carry out all the "Mum" roles perfectly fine without stepmum getting too involved if that is the family set up that works for all.

My dad met my stepmother after I left home, but I still buy her flowers on mother’s day. I don’t think it’s odd?? I’m just recognising her maternal “status” and thank her for looking after my dad
There's nothing odd about it. No-one thinks there is. It's very nice

People sound so insecure and bitter to me

But then you have to ruin your nice post with this nasty bullshit. Why?

No, the stepmum had chosen to marry their dad. Dad can carry out all the "Mum" roles perfectly fine without stepmum getting too involved if that is the family set up that works for all

Then why would she expect a bloody card and flowers then? Do keep up

[quote mainsfed]@purpleme12 no one said that 🙄 nice twisting tho[/quote]
If I misconstrued what someone said how is it twisting?
A previous poster has used those words
Not sure if I've misconstrued or not I don't think you were the poster who used those words

Step mum here - never received anything from my adult step daughter - but I wouldn’t have expected it either. We get on well when together but at a ‘friend’ level not as mum and daughter . I did do a lot of mum duties when she was small.

@Candyfloss99 ok then I'm insecure and bitter. Not going to argue about it

There is actually a Step-parents Day on the 16th September. Maybe Tesco /Asda should get behind monetising that? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting the day marked either way for some families. Not all step-Mums are out of Cinderella, and plenty of kids are nice kids who like to make cards and bake cakes for people.

@jamthencreamyoufool

No, the stepmum had chosen to marry their dad. Dad can carry out all the "Mum" roles perfectly fine without stepmum getting too involved if that is the family set up that works for all

Then why would she expect a bloody card and flowers then? Do keep up

In my case she doesn't and would feel uncomfortable..see my previous posts. Do keep up.

I realise some are under the impression step parents shouldnt exist but for the most part they invest time, resources and emotional energy into a relationship of a sort. Quite often it's a lot more when they are with the resident parent than the non resident parent puts in. But on MN the pretence that step parents = end of the world and has no interest in the family life of their partner must be maintained.

@jamthencreamyoufool

the woman marries the man, nit his children. The children remain his responsibility , it’s at the woman’s discretion how involved she wants to be, she shouldn’t feel obligated. Worrying that you think women are obligated

You know when people do actually react badly on SM threads...this shit is why. Marrying a man with children and then saying those kids are nothing to do with me, I'll do as I like....wow.
Hope you're not a SM.

I’m saying the kids are not the SM’s responsibility, and it’s at the SM’s discretion. You don’t get to dictate a SM’s role. Your mentality is of the selfish, I want my cake and to eat it too’ kind.

Bloody hell people are arseholes.

I recognise my stepdad on Father’s Day. YANBU.

Surely it all depends on your family dynamic?

My child will get her stepmother a card, because stepmother will want that, and will make sure she tells her husband (my ex, child’s dad) to make it happen. My child will also be happy with that, though it won’t be spontaneous.

At the same time, my child won’t get me, her actual mother, a card - because in this house, we don’t believe in random days to show appreciation. It’s not our thing.

My own stepchildren won’t get me a card. I wouldn’t find it out if they did, but their mum is dead, so I think getting one for me would highlight the fact their own mum won’t get one. So for our family, it just isn’t the right thing to do.

As a stepparent, I’d say - sweet if they do, not a problem if they don’t.

@Youllbeoldertoo

They have a mum. It’s not you.

How nasty you are! Does it hurt to be generous and spread a little love around?

Dont expect a card or anything then if they do something its a lovely extra and no disappointment.

It can be a difficult situation. Their Mum may be upset if they were to get you anything. depending on age they may be too young to do this without an adult supporting them. How long have you been a stepmum?

I dont get anything off my stepchildren and wouldn't expect anything. I know I am supportive to them and loved. I dont feel the need of a card or present as I know I'm part of their family and I know their mum would be upset if they did something for me on mothers day.

I don't think its appropriate unless the actual mother is no present or generally crap.
You shouldn't be having to do "mum duties" (whatever they are in these days of supposed equality) for someone else's kids, your DH should be covering "parent duties".
You wouldn't buy a nursery worker or primary school teacher a mother's day card and they provide parental duties whilst the child is in their care.