**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

[Zara0123]

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

@RootyT00t

OP says this ... It is not as you imply! He is saying a specific male person hurt him after he had a poo.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down.

Hope you are ok Opx

[quote anamazingfind]@RootyT00t

OP says this ... It is not as you imply! He is saying a specific male person hurt him after he had a poo.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down.[/quote]
I can't believe I'm explaining this.

What do you think the worker does after a child has a poo?

First port of call should be A&E tonight so a Paediatrician can establish if the pain was caused by a medical condition or not. If they say it's not medical then under safeguarding they would have a duty to report it to Social Services and the Police anyway. You should not approach the nursery unless you are told it's a medical condition as then the staff would need to be aware to take extra care when helping your son. Good luck OP and fingers crossed this is nothing sinister

I hope you’re doing OK, OP. I hope you’re going to get to DS checked over and share your story with a medical professional. They will help you and advise you, and make sure your son is OK.

Don’t share this with the nursery at this time.

That last sentence has played out in real life. So the poster is talking complete sense. Do you recall Vanessa George?

*I can't believe I'm explaining this.

What do you think the worker does after a child has a poo?*

MOST workers don't distress the child so much and for so long, for a start.
YES, it could have an innocent explanation.
Can't believe Im explaining that there is a chance it might not be innocent, and that needs to be investigated.

@Jamboree01

That last sentence has played out in real life. So the poster is talking complete sense. Do you recall Vanessa George?

Just because if has happened doesn't mean PP can tell us what the manager will 'probably' do.

Headteachers have covered up inappropriate behaviour. Mine wouldn't.

@RootyT00t with all due respect I’d just leave it now for professionals to give advice, originally you were advising to speak to the nursery, which for reasons professionals have explained should not be the correct course of action. It’s in response to your posts that speculation about what might of happened is occurring so I think it’s best to just leave it now. The advice has been given and I would presume being followed as we speak.

@KitesFlyingInTheWind

*I can't believe I'm explaining this.

What do you think the worker does after a child has a poo?*

MOST workers don't distress the child so much and for so long, for a start.
YES, it could have an innocent explanation.
Can't believe Im explaining that there is a chance it might not be innocent, and that needs to be investigated.

But I know that. I don't need that explained.

I'm just wondering why it was explained to me that a child said his bum was touched AFTER he did a poo so that's suspicious.

Time and time again I am shocked at the level of igorance around safeguarding on MN.
OP, please follow the advice of the professionals advising you NOT to speak to anyone at the nursery.
I agree with pp that MN could really help by posting some basic safeguarding principles and advice on the site.
OP, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope there is an acceptable explanation.

[quote Wishing14]@RootyT00t with all due respect I’d just leave it now for professionals to give advice, originally you were advising to speak to the nursery, which for reasons professionals have explained should not be the correct course of action. It’s in response to your posts that speculation about what might of happened is occurring so I think it’s best to just leave it now. The advice has been given and I would presume being followed as we speak.[/quote]
Thanks for the input, but don't you dare blame me for other people's behaviour, or try and police me.

Incidentally I said I would listen to safeguarding and change my point on the nursery, and I have.

The poster is giving advice that would rule out an opportunity for that to happen fgs.

The correct thing to protect ALL involved is to contact CS who will contact LADO.

Nobody knows what anybody is capable of doing in a panic.

It's not that bit that's suspicious on it's own, though.
It's the distress, the way the child said it, and the child's behaviour put together with it that raises flags.

Don’t ask leading questions. Write down word for word what he said. Call the police because there may be physical evidence. I’m actually sure it’s nothing but it needs checking .

@percheron67

I think I would also be concerned about a child saying "bumhole"! What a word to teach a child.

And THAT'S your takeaway from this? FFS

@endofthelinefinally - I really hope @MNHQ do take the suggestion to get basic safeguarding advice pinned on the boards seriously. It has been asked before but these threads, and the poor advice within them, are sadly coming up way too frequently.

@KitesFlyingInTheWind

It's not that bit that's suspicious on it's own, though. It's the distress, the way the child said it, and the child's behaviour put together with it that raises flags.

I know. Not sure you've read the interaction correctly.

Raise it with the nursery. If I had to help clean a child's bottom, I'd make sure this was recorded, so that everyone knew about it. So hopefully it's innocent and his colleagues will already know about it.

[quote TubbyUnicorn]**@endofthelinefinally* - I really hope @MNHQ* do take the suggestion to get basic safeguarding advice pinned on the boards seriously. It has been asked before but these threads, and the poor advice within them, are sadly coming up way too frequently.[/quote]
The child protection PP has said not to go instantly to the police.

I'm not able to add anything that others can't but hoping your son has calmed down a little and feels comforted by his parents which right now he really needs.

Hes mentioned tissue and having a poo sounds like a wiping issue. But I would certainly speak to the manger and find out what happened b4 sending him bk.

But I wouldn't go to the police in the first instance.

Maryann, great advice. Op hand hold for what your family is going through.

Hope you're okay