**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

[Zara0123]

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

@RootyT00t there are three ways of accessing a forensic paediatrician in England: either via A&E, via duty social worker, or via police (assume similar in Wales and Scotland but never worked there so don’t know).

If you go to A&E, the duty forensic paed will examine the child either in paeds A&E or on a paediatric ward. If you call the duty social worker or police, they will arrange for the child to be examined by the same person, probs lay in the same place, or possibly at a SARC, depending on local set up.

Calling the police is just another way of accessing a forensic examination. They aren’t going to batter this guy’s door down and arrest him based solely on the reported comment of a toddler.

Your comment about OP “having a history” and implying she’s making a big fuss about nothing, is disgusting.

OP this is super personal and I haven’t read the whole thread.

BUT as a parent of a child who was sexually abused, trust your gut. And try to see if he can be examined ASAP if you feel comfortable, as any damage may heal within a week. Look for any changes in his poo etc.

I truly hope nothing has happened to your son, but if it has, and speaking from experience you need to know ASAP.

Children don’t typically say these things; if it feels off then report it. I so hope for you all that it is a misunderstanding. It’s a heartbreaking situation and I wish you all the very best

He probably helped your ds to wipe after using the toilet but was not very gentle. Maybe the toilet paper was rough on his skin? It could be completely innocent.

Oh goodness. I feel so unnerved and I’m sorry, you must be feeling all over the place. Be there for your baby, keep an eye on anything else he says/does about it and definitely follow the advice here regarding nursery meeting and even NSPCC. Good luck. I hope it’s nothing serious

[quote Changechangychange]@RootyT00t there are three ways of accessing a forensic paediatrician in England: either via A&E, via duty social worker, or via police (assume similar in Wales and Scotland but never worked there so don’t know).

If you go to A&E, the duty forensic paed will examine the child either in paeds A&E or on a paediatric ward. If you call the duty social worker or police, they will arrange for the child to be examined by the same person, probs lay in the same place, or possibly at a SARC, depending on local set up.

Calling the police is just another way of accessing a forensic examination. They aren’t going to batter this guy’s door down and arrest him based solely on the reported comment of a toddler.

Your comment about OP “having a history” and implying she’s making a big fuss about nothing, is disgusting.[/quote]
I have never once implied she is making a fuss about nothing.

I was actually saying that given OP herself has said her history night be colouring her view, the hideous posts about what the tissue was used for isn't helpful.

Thanks though.

I'd contact the nursery like someone mentioned they should have some safety policy in place for both staff and children (staff can be accused) so yes maybe address what theirs is? Id be worried just like you are if my child said this. I'd also mention that you can be gentle next time? If its hurting him a lot then id show the GP to see if there is any sign of abuse.

@mummywantstobeslim

He probably helped your ds to wipe after using the toilet but was not very gentle. Maybe the toilet paper was rough on his skin? It could be completely innocent.

Would you settle for "could be" with a clearly upset child?

@Zara0123

Incase the last time I said this it got lost in all the other messages. I would urge you to get this post removed now. Hopefully you know what to do and the next course of action.

You’ve had a lot of advice op. I agree with not approaching the nursery first and think seeking medical advice would be useful.

Thinking of you and your son. How he he settled tonight?

Pretty disgusted by all of the comments suggesting OP goes all Nancy Drew on the nursery and does an underhand investigation by telling them tidbits and “watching the dynamic”.

There is a distressed child who has been potentially seriously abused and other children who are potentially at risk. That is what is at stake here. The OP absolutely shouldn’t be “working out the dynamics of the nursery”.

There is no point in anybody speculating as to what has happened here. This boy needs to go to A&E where they will perform a medical investigation to determine what has happened, and potentially provide treatment if a medical issue is discovered which (the possibility of which is a reason enough to go in itself if the child is in so much pain).

It’s also all well and good saying “but the worker might be innocent and this could ruin his life”, but OP taking her son straight to A&E for a medical examination before telling the nursery is the best course of action for this worker as well as OP providing he is innocent. If the paediatricians determine there is a medical issue that is making the child’s bottom hurt, then the nursery can be informed of that and all of the workers told to be gentle when bottom wiping if OP is comfortable enough sending DS back. If there is evidence something else has occurred, the OP and medical staff will then file a statement to the police and social services and the police will conduct an immediate investigation.

The ONLY course of action here is A&E.

A professional needs to decide what went on. Speculation doesn’t help. Go straight to children’s social work team. You can ring out of hours service who might send you to A and E. Don’t bother with NSPCC. They don’t investigate and will probably only suggest you contact. SS

Could be nothing. Could be something. Let the professionals decide.

I agree MNHQ should delete the comment mentioning the tissue, considering the nature of this forum.

Please take your child to hospital emergency department now. They will follow through with necessary referrals and yes you need to speak to police.

Bumping this as it’s the most sensible and concise post. Every single word of it.

I hope you and your little boy are okay OP 💐

@Yapplepearora

I agree MNHQ should delete the comment mentioning the tissue, considering the nature of this forum.

Absolutely.

@Zerrin13

Why are men working in nurseries? If there is nothing sinister in this man's behaviour it still shows that he is rough and heavy handed with a little child. I'm so glad men weren't working in nurseries when my children were little. I would have been very uneasy about it.

Oh come on zerrin.

Zerrin13 men working in nurseries (and schools) is a good thing. Many children need male role models. There is nothing sinister about a male nursery worker.

@RootyT00t I've reported it - but also asked all of your minimising posts to go - equally hideous to be honest, equally speculation.

If this was my child I would already be at the police station , he needs to be examined and spoken to , if he's said someone's hurt him you need to act now ... I hope you both are ok xx

As a Primary school teacher and someone who has been a Nursery manager I would say that your little boy has been quite specific here. I hope to God that it is just an innocent mistake but I would advise a trip to A&E to get him checked out as soon as you can possibly go. I'm sorry OP, it's just not worth the risk. Do you know what the Nursery's intimate care policy is?

This is a really unhelpful and uneducated comment. Women are just as capable of harming children as men are. And they have done.

Praying hard that this is something innocent and that the OP doesn’t have to listen to any more of these kind of comments.

@Zerrin13

Why are men working in nurseries? If there is nothing sinister in this man's behaviour it still shows that he is rough and heavy handed with a little child. I'm so glad men weren't working in nurseries when my children were little. I would have been very uneasy about it.

@Zerrin13 this is utterly ridiculous. Did your DC’s father never interact with your DC?