to dislike being "monitored"

[Oakmaiden]

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

I’d just say “that’s right good counting” and give him a little pat

YANBU. I'd say that was controlling behaviour.

How annoying. Have you asked him why he does it? And told him it annoys you.

@SnarkyBag

I’d just say “that’s right good counting” and give him a little pat

Me too!

Maybe you should (pretend) to count his teabags. Say wow we bought these tea bags last week and you've already drank 20. Wonder what his reaction would be

We have this, but it stopped after my DD cheerfully informed my MiL that mummy had to smuggle biscuits upstairs when she is working or dad comments on it. DH then felt like a nob and has stopped commenting

Is it only over pop?
There have been threads here before from women whose partners over eating of expensive junk food is making their shopping bill sky high. I can imagine its frustrating when your partner is spending loads of money on an unhealthy habit.

If you're the only one who drinks them then YANBU. If they were for everyone but you were getting through all of them before anyone else got a look in YWBU.

He's being weird. Does he stress easily about money perhaps?

I would start keeping a passive aggressive tally on the fridge.

Start calling him dad.
And tell him sexual relations are out the window for the foreseeable....
Urgh.

Do you complain about your weight to him?

Otherwise unless you finish everything before he gets a chance to help himself, I would tell him to mind his own business.

Can you give some more examples so that we can understand how much this is an issue about food/drink for whatever reason and how much it is an issue of him controlling your every move?

FWIW my DH does something slightly similar to me with chocolate/biscuits etc. I'm not overweight. We can afford to buy treats. But he doesn't have a sweet tooth at all and he is astounded that I can eat more than one or two chocolate items in a week. For a while, without fail, he would comment on how long it took me to get through a packet of whatever (regardless of how long that actually was). I just responded saying, yes, and? He'd say 'You only got those biscuits 4 days ago and you've finished the pack!'. It was very annoying. It only stopped when I started commenting on how many beers he'd drunk (he's not an alcoholic by any stretch, he maybe has 1 beer every other day). Then he realised how annoying it is.

Mine is like this. I've started being sharp in response so he knows I'm irritated by it.

How overweight are you? Does he think he's helping by making you aware of how much fizzy pop you are drinking? If he is genuinely worried for your health then he's entitled to say something.. perhaps he is scared to be more direct?

My DP is pretty overweight, he complains about it all of the time, it's constant - but will sit and eat an entire packet of biscuits in one sitting - regularly.
He drinks juice and squash all day (and a lot of it) and never drinks plain water. There's loads of other examples.

Sometimes I wonder if I should try and gently point it out - but I'm sure I'd be labelled as controlling too.

Nope this for me wouldn't ever be ok. With one exception in our house which is a running joke about my slight (not so slight ) obsession with Pecans. But that really is a joke and doesn't remotely upset me and DP regularly buys me them and tells me to pecan out. Anything else is not OK.

I lost 8 stone about 2 years ago and even before that its not "concern" to make these comments and DP was the first to say that when I asked dhim if it ever bothered him how much I had eaten back then. He firmly came back with that I was an adult and if I did dislike my eating habits him making a shit comment dressed up as faux concern would have been nasty and unhelpful. He was right.

I would actually sit him down and spell it out to him.

Provided its not affecting finances or household resources which you say it is not there is jo justification for someone to monitor their adult partners food or drink intake.

Its infantilising , controlling and says an awful lot about the people who think it is ok...none of it good.

I was gobsmacked when I ordered some nail varnishes the other day, at the checkout you could tick a box and for £1 they would put a note in saying it was a free gift so your partner wouldn’t find out!

That’s what happens when one partner analyses what the other is buying. My step dad does it to my mum and has for nearly 40 years. He actually goes through the bank statements and checks everything. It’s a slippery slope !

No it's not ok and can be very demotivating if you're watching what you eat.

If he's saying it to have a pop, simply respond with 'so what?' Rinse and repeat

Is it only over pop?

The answer to this is literally right there in the opening post 🙄

I’d be counting out everything he eats.

‘There now, that’s 15 chips, 2 sausages, an egg, a tablespoon of tomato ketchup, one cup of tea ans a slice of bread. With one scrape of butter - eat up’

If it is every area then YANBU. That sounds dry out of order.

If you've got form for polishing off all the expensive 'treats'/fizzy pop within days then I have some sympathy for your DH. My husband went through a phase of snacking, but always on nice biscuits, chocolates etc, so I could shop on Monday, go to get a nice biscuits by Wednesday and they were all gone. It used to annoy me. Before anyone says "buy more", if I bought 2 packs because they were on offer then the 2 packs would go. I quite fairly told him it annoyed me and he saw my point.

It's tricky, I think the posters who suggest no one should ever comment on anything another adult they live with does are being a bit silly.

Perhaps he's worried about your weight / health. Perhaps you complain about your weight and he's a bit fed up of hearing it whilst your necking pop. Perhaps he's genuinely surprised at how much pop you drink, who knows.

*DaphneBridgerton

How overweight are you? Does he think he's helping by making you aware of how much fizzy pop you are drinking? If he is genuinely worried for your health then he's entitled to say something*

It is not suddenly fine to do this because a person is overweight.

Just like passing comment on whether a slim person has eaten enough is also not OK.

And the fact that other posters even need to caveat with "I am not overweight" for therr similar stories is shit.