Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike being "monitored"

176 replies

Oakmaiden · 10/03/2021 13:19

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

OP posts:
SupremeDreamz · 10/03/2021 16:05

@CodMouth I want to be your best friend.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2021 16:05

@DianaT1969

Do you think he's worried about your health? In fairness, I think there are about 8 spoons of sugar Inna coke, so he may worry you'll get diabetes. I know you have bigger things to worry about at the moment, with your MH, but if he's genuinely concerned about you, I'd give him a break. It is annoying though.
He's counting her bottled water as well though. That's healthy (although a massive waste of money imo).
SnowyBranches · 10/03/2021 16:12

@Thatwentbadly

Have you asked him why he is saying this? I’m always amazed by the number of people on MN who don’t think to do that.

That’s an awful lot of coke to be drinking in 2 days. If someone I knew was doing this then I would be worried about their health.

What’s an awful lot of coke to be drinking in 2 days? Op said she bought x cans of coke 12 days ago and y are left. If anyone can work out how many cans she drank in how many days from that, you have a better grasp of maths than I do.
DianaT1969 · 10/03/2021 16:15

I missed the post where he is monitoring OP's bottled water.
She needs to ask him and drag the real answer out of him.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2021 16:16

@DianaT1969

I missed the post where he is monitoring OP's bottled water. She needs to ask him and drag the real answer out of him.
It's in the OP.
SabrinaMorningstar · 10/03/2021 16:17

If this is fairly new and possibly lockdown related, I'd tease him tbh so next time I was talking to friends or family with him there, I'd say 'guess lockdown must be getting to us DH has started counting the coke cans and announcing the rate I'm drinking them. I'm expecting a Powerpoint and colour-coded pie charts on his biscuit consumption next.'
But if there is a long list of controlling behaviour and the coke comment is just the tip of the iceberg, it might be time to have a serious conversation about your relationship.

Bluenightowl · 10/03/2021 16:19

My DH drinks a lot of coke cola. He thinks nothing of drinking a 2L bottle in one night! He is overweight and over 110kg which he doesn't like being but doesn't do anything about. I am worried about diabetes, It pisses me off that we have young children and he doesn't seem to care that his health affects them and it does affect them because he is always tired, unfit and can't play actively with them, as well as showing them a bad example.

I'm tired of having numerous conversations, supporting him through various healthy eating plans which he never keeps to. Currently he is doing Weightwatchers and drinking 2L of cola a couple of times a week! When I lose patience, I point this out. Am I controlling?

Sillyduckseverywhere · 10/03/2021 16:26

Didn't take long for the fat shamers to appear did it?

pepeleputois · 10/03/2021 16:30

@Sillyduckseverywhere

Didn't take long for the fat shamers to appear did it?
Oh, MN Bingo, I am amazed it took so long for the "fat shaming" comment to pop up.

It's the OP who stated she is over-weight in her very first paragraph!

zen1 · 10/03/2021 16:31

Does he comment on other (non-food / drink) treats you buy yourself?

pepeleputois · 10/03/2021 16:31

If the DH was commenting on the number of cigarettes she smokes, sorry "monitoring" it would be trickier to accuse him (and posters) of fat shaming Grin

what's the difference?

Bluenightowl · 10/03/2021 16:32

Didn't take long for the fat shamers to appear did it?

I'm really not. When I met DH, he was overweight. I am overweight myself and currently trying to lose weight. I don't speak to DH about his weight until he speaks to me about it, which happens whenever he starts a new diet/exercise plan and we all have to work around him. E.g. he will go for a walk at 8 - 9pm because that is the only time he wants to walk. That is also the children's bedtime which means I do the bedtimes every evening. It is so frustrating to see him return home, open the fridge, drink 2L of cola. I've had YEARS of this and I'm tired of trying to support him when he sticks at everything for a maximum of two weeks.

Hailtomyteeth · 10/03/2021 16:40

He should mind his own business. I've had experience of this recently and it's as annoying as fuck. Controlling also.

MysweetAudrina · 10/03/2021 16:40

Myself and dh buy and eat what we like and neither of us comment on what the other consumes. My choice what to put in my mouth. Wouldn't be impressed with anyone commenting.

lunarlife · 10/03/2021 16:45

Being concerned because someone you love and want to live a lifetime with is actively injuring their health isn't shamming them.

Being a sensible healthy weight is important, as is taking enough exercise, not drinking too much or smoking, managing stress etc.

OP's DH may just be controlling, have issues about spending money or be concerned for her. Unless they have a conversation she won't know.

DaphneBridgerton · 10/03/2021 17:08

Yes OP says he comments on other things too... But the specific example is that her partner is commenting on the amount of fizzy drinks she is consuming... And then she mentions being overweight... I'm just putting two and two together really! Now she has added she is being treated for major depression... It's even more likely that her DH is just concerned about her health and therefore some of her habits. Not saying this is how he should address it with her though!

wusbanker · 10/03/2021 17:31

He opens the box to check how many are left? Shock what a weirdo. I assumed they must be in plain sight in the fridge. Maybe put a note in the box that says "fuck off coke police" or something Grin

BeagleEagle · 10/03/2021 17:31

@Oakmaiden

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

Lol!! I think it's the pandemic honestly. I'm getting similar. It's not bad intentions it's just things like if i need to be somewhere at 4 he starts getting agitated at 3 and starts asking 'casual' questions about when I'm heading off because he doesn't seem to trust that I've got my plan together, or if i go into another room "whatcha doin'?" I think 24/7 proximity is melting our brains.
notyourhandmaid · 10/03/2021 17:39

You're not being unreasonable, he is being controlling. Flowers

whoamitojudge · 10/03/2021 17:45

Why is it called pop?

Chimeraforce · 10/03/2021 17:52

Yanbu. My partner does this and I say "yeah, and?"
If he didn't eat it before it went, tough. I buy the food and don't want to be monitored.

BeagleEagle · 10/03/2021 17:54

@whoamitojudge

Why is it called pop?
Maybe she's from Birmingham - thats what we say here
CatNoBag · 10/03/2021 18:03

Depends how many days since you bought them. If it's 20, then yes it's a bit OTT, but if it's a few days I'd be raising it as well as it's a pretty unhealthy habit. It wouldn't be about your weight for me, just that excessive drinking of coke can cause many health issues and are known to be addictive. If that's the only thing he's monitoring then I don't think it's an issue, I'd think he's worried about your health.

Bourbonbiccy · 10/03/2021 18:12

Do you have more examples ?

Sorry, it's just I hated the amount of Pepsi max my husband drank and would frequently be shocked at the amount of bottles in the recycling and would comment on it, probably more often than I should.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2021 18:24

"Maybe she's from Birmingham - thats what we say here"

In Wales too and even in parts of the USA I think (though we hear 'soda' on all the films).