to dislike being "monitored"

[Oakmaiden]

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

@museumum

Ten cans of coke in less than two days? I’d definitely notice my dh consuming that quantity without needing to actively monitor and I would consider it excessive, regardless of my dhs weight.

Yeah if it's really extreme like that you would have to say something. There are better ways of doing it. By approaching it the wrong way and nagging I think I set my partner back when he was giving up smoking.

@museumum

Ten cans of coke in less than two days? I’d definitely notice my dh consuming that quantity without needing to actively monitor and I would consider it excessive, regardless of my dhs weight.

Why did you go for a high amount in a relatively small period of time?

As OP says it's irrelevant really. Especially since he does the same about water!

He should not be checking up on you. Put a mouse trap under the lid.

I would be tempted to hide it and drink it in secret.

@pucelleauxblanchesmains oh my Dad is a bit like this! It’s some kind of weird food anxiety with him I think.

Having someone nagging you does not stop you wanting the forbidden food or drink though, does it. It just results in a stronger craving combined with a lower self esteem, which is likely to end in more excessive consumption.
Partners who are controlling are not usually trying to increase their partner's well being. It's usually a selfish behaviour. If you really want to help someone lose weight, you would be better off trying to help them feel good about themselves, not stopping them eating specific food items.

Have you told him how annoying it is? Next time turn give him an absolute earful be sure he knows how irritating it is, everyone wants to be free of irritation I'd give him the silent treatment for days for his comments he'd soon shut up if no one is listening.

As an aside my Dsis was/is a coke addict she changed to coke zero from full fat she lost 5 stone.
Most people who don't drink tea drink minerals.

I'd probably make a joke of it and go "who are you the food waste police ? ". Or "why does it matter it is only me drinking them, we can afford to buy it...we aren't that hard up?"
Direct, not rude , but also telling him that he is being a bit of a k**b without directly saying it.
Or maybe start counting his tea bags or something else to annoy him . He would soon get the point !

Ps I would probably go as far to count the actual tea bags but then I'm a wind up merchant. My other half knows when he is being a knob he usually gets told in one way or the other . Jokes usually. But as they say " there is truth in jest ".

I don't think you should out up with those sort of remarks. Tell him directly that you do not want to hear those sort of remarks, and have a full blown argument if necessary, why play games? However, start making a note of what you're eating. Don't have fizzy drinks to win an argument. If you're depressed, do NOT overeat. Stop pandering to your family and put yourself first. Go for walks with your friends, have more of the low sugar squash, buy yourself healthy treats. Force yourself into exercising. Be selfish and self caring, no one will look after you, don't expect them to, you have to look after yourself.

I don't think it was sugary coke was it though it was diet coke ?

My dh does this at times..not just about food. Eg Why did you buy more dishwasher tablets when there is already some left? I just remind him very sharply that l don't want to be monitored and l can buy what l like. It's so annoying
But Op on another note coke can give you palpitations and hence increase anxiety. My friend was having a heart checkup due to palpitations when doctor quizzed her and realised it was too much coke. No palpitations since she immediately stopped. I know this isn't what your post is about!

I too find this very annoying and say : Yes? And?

@Babysharkdododont

It's tricky, I think the posters who suggest no one should ever comment on anything another adult they live with does are being a bit silly.

Perhaps he's worried about your weight / health. Perhaps you complain about your weight and he's a bit fed up of hearing it whilst your necking pop. Perhaps he's genuinely surprised at how much pop you drink, who knows.

^ this

Drink a lot of tea isn’t good, in fact my friend couldn’t give blood due to the large consumption of tea.

Your weight is your issue. I would not accept anyone controlling me in any way. When I want to address my weight problem, that's on me. Someone monitoring it is not useful or helpful.

I would suggest however that you do in fact address your weight issue. In time, you'll do it. No man would ever dictate what I do and when. I would simply leave.

If this was about an alcoholic, would you all think the same?

I understand it must be baffling to him that you drank 10 cans of coke in 2 days or whatever, but in sickness and in health is what you signed up for. Not someone monitoring you. You're obviously addicted to cola or food or sugar, but that is not his job to control.

It's up to you when you address your weight problem.

On the surface his behaviour seems controlling, but 11 cans of Coke (assuming the full-sugar variety, not diet) in two days worryingly excessive so I'm more willing to bet this is his cack-handed way of trying to express concern for your health. I'm pretty sure my partner would remark on that if I was overweight and chugging the equivalent of 99 spoonfuls of sugar in a 48-hour period.

Still, as you say, it's your health and your responsibility and if you're not willing to address what he's trying to raise with you, sit him down and tell him his nagging is unhelpful. But I do think it sounds like he's coming from a place of love.

Nowhere did OP specify how many cans of coke she had in two days, why are posters making things up?
At the same time I see people are conveniently overlooking the fact that she's taking antipsychotic medication so probably has more pressing things to worry about.

Antipsychotics are renowned for increasing appetite. It's a side effect.

@LoudestCat14

On the surface his behaviour seems controlling, but 11 cans of Coke (assuming the full-sugar variety, not diet) in two days worryingly excessive so I'm more willing to bet this is his cack-handed way of trying to express concern for your health. I'm pretty sure my partner would remark on that if I was overweight and chugging the equivalent of 99 spoonfuls of sugar in a 48-hour period.

Still, as you say, it's your health and your responsibility and if you're not willing to address what he's trying to raise with you, sit him down and tell him his nagging is unhelpful. But I do think it sounds like he's coming from a place of love.

This never happened!! OP never said how many cans in how many days.

A poster put that assumption and everyone else is running with it.
What if it's 3 cans (and it's diet) in 3 days?

As I said , the amount is irrelevant really as he does the same even with water. Nothing to get self righteous about with water so posters keep banging on about made up 12 cans in 2 days.

Tell him to get stuffed!

He's commenting on the cans as a cowards way of saying "watch your weight". Pretty shitty and not needed if you're struggling at the moment.

YANBU

As a person who drank too much for years and didn’t like sweet stuff I’ve totally stopped drinking for over a year and can’t stop eating tubs of ice cream biscuits etc etc. It’s easy to forget about the amount of sugar in alcohol!!

AccidentallyOnPurpose You're right, I misread the original post. Apologies, OP. But I still stand by the comment that he might be coming from a place of concern about her health, albeit in a cack handed way.