to dislike being "monitored"

[Oakmaiden]

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

Just tell him to stop being a controlling douche bag.

I tease (nag) my dh when otoh I see he's trying to lose weight and get fitter, doing loads of excercise etc, but otoh buys himself sweets and sneaks them in to his office. I just raise an eyebrow. I sometimes see him compulsively snacking just before we eat and say 'that's your entire bike ride there!'
I only mean it as teasing or a friendly whoa there but maybe deep down i am being controlling, I need to reflect.

op is your dh controling in other ways? is it simply lockdown irriation coming out? does he think he's being helpful?

sorry to hear of your other issues.

Is he controlling or worried about your health? I would be worried, if my family member was drinking too much coke.

Yep DH does similar. He is controlling to be honest and really really really needs to go back to work!!!

It's weird in the pandemic because you literally have 1 shopping trip to get everything you feel like for the week. Before there was a certain amount of freedom you could pop in for something when getting petrol etc. Now the family is out so little and it's all noticable. I do think that people shouldn't keep tabs, you grow up you're suppose to have the freedom to make your own life choices. Saying that as someone said if you went through a huge amount in a week he may be worried but to all the people who are acting like a can of coke the odd day is the work of the devil, yes we know water is good for you and good for you if you're happy for that to be your drink of choice

"Well done DH. Excellent maths skills.

See if you can work this one out.

"If a woman buys 12 cans of coke, and Y days later there are X cans left, and here husband constantly brings this t her attention, how many days will it be before the woman smothers him in his sleep?"

stayathomer, but OP says 12 cans of coke x days ago now only y left, that makes me think she bought them in less than a week ago, and drank significant amount. Coke is empty calorie, nothing good but a health risk.

Have you asked him why he is saying this? I’m always amazed by the number of people on MN who don’t think to do that.

That’s an awful lot of coke to be drinking in 2 days. If someone I knew was doing this then I would be worried about their health.

" I can imagine its frustrating when your partner is spending loads of money on an unhealthy habit."

I think she meant coca cola, not the other kind of coke!
People are allowed simple pleasures in life surely!

You haven’t told us the relationship between your consumption of canned/bottled drinks and your mental or physical healt?

I’d say something if my partner did this too so interested so many think it’s wrong to. I really believe in decent nutrition and little processed stuff, and DH is patient about it luckily and luckily sees where I’m coming from

I suppose it depends on his reasons.

As someone who is over weight, eats crap and complains to my DH I’m fat and unhealthy I’d not have a problem with him commenting on my health and weight. He (twiggy) will say well let’s cut this crap out and will deliberately not buy crap when he goes shopping in an effort to support me. He will always do it with me even though he dosnt need to. He wouldn’t necessarily focus on one item unless he was worried how it was effecting me.I know him well enough to know if he dose say anything it’s out of concern rather than being a dick. But ultimately he wouldn’t go on about it.

Money would be another reason my DH would say something. We are single income and have gone through difficult times so wasting money on crap food would be the first thing we’d look at cutting out when trying to control our finances. If I was still buying stuff after we agreed not to he’d probably have something to say about it. Which I thinks fair enough.

Recently I did stop buying cans of coke. I’d gone to the supermarket, picked up a pack for £7/8 what ever it was. I’d also bought a load of food for my DCs school that were collecting for the food bank and for a community food bank a friend was involved with on her estate that was hit hard with covid. I’d filled 2 whole carried bags of food (all none branded) for the same price of one box of coke. I was mortified especially when one of my DCs (obsessed with maths and counting at the moment) pointed out how much stuff I could of bought for 1 box of coke.

If my DH was just going on about it for no reason other than to tell me what to do, I’d tell him to fuck offer. His coffee machine and pods aren’t bloody cheap but I know he needs his coffee to be remotely human in the morning so I’d never criticise him for it, unless he pissed me off.

Well if my DH was going through a pack of 12 cans in 2 days, I would have words too.

It doesn't matter if you "can afford" it , as we have children, no he's not free to behave like an idiot and mess up his health - and his appearance.

If we didn't have children, I would give him a few warnings as well. He might be "free" to eat and drink junk food but I am free to find it very unattractive.

If I was seeing my DH drinking 10 Espresso or even eating 12 bananas a day, I would enquire what the hell is he doing.

Respond to any of this with ok
Nothing else, don’t engage with it, it’s not worth your conversation so just say ok and carry on doing what you want

Very bloody annoying and out of order.

As an aside when my DH kicked his Pepsi Max addiction he not only lost weight (reduced sugar cravings) but he felt better than he has in years, physically as mentally. So when the time is right for you it's a good addiction to kick!!

Start monitoring DH loo roll usage or something equally petty.

Blueappletree
I didn't think the OP specified how many days though? I could totally be wrong. Still as I said I'm a bit torn, you're an adult, you make your own decisions. I have a can or two every weekend and the odd time during the week for a pick me up (I write late at night), I'd hate dh to say 'oh but you had some already this week.' I'm an adult and I balance out rubbish with extra water fruit and veg

Very annoying and controlling.

I'd ask him directly what he is trying to say, and to say it to your face rather than hinting - or to leave you alone.

It doesn't matter if the OP is overweight, or how much she is drinking bottled drinks, or anything else - passively aggressively hinting by making controlling comments that let her know she is being monitored isn't the way to solve it.

if he's concerned about her health or weight or whatever, he can bring it up directly like an adult, and they can discuss it.

But a stupid statement that tells her he's counted how many she's drunk, without explaining why he's done that or what he thinks about it - just making clear he's watching - is controlling and irritating as hell.

I know it's probably not "right" but if my DH drank 12 cans of coke in 2 days (and I realise the OP didn't say it was 2 days) and he was overweight, I would have to say something. Especially this was a regular occurrence.

Whilst I wouldn't comment on what people eat or drink in general, when it comes to members of my close family I do. I care about their health and well being and if I thought they were eating too much chocolate, drinking too many sugary drinks that what is healthy I would absolutely mention it!

You need to find out what his actual problem is, the underlying issue. There will be one and I suspect it will be either your weight, your health or probably both.

I would be concerned if by DH was consuming a significant amount of cans of coke, or drinking a lot of wine or regularly consuming whole packets of cookies at a time.
But I would be more direct in tackling it with him and explain I was worried.

To be honest if I was doing the same would hope that he would mention he was concerned to me.

I'd start monitoring him - I remember when my husband started saying "I loaded/unloaded the dishwasher for YOU" so I started saying the same to him about everything I did in house - he soon stopped.

Do you think he's worried about your health? In fairness, I think there are about 8 spoons of sugar Inna coke, so he may worry you'll get diabetes. I know you have bigger things to worry about at the moment, with your MH, but if he's genuinely concerned about you, I'd give him a break.
It is annoying though.