to dislike being "monitored"

[Oakmaiden]

Basically my husband thinks I am unreasonable to object to this. It is little things, like "you bought 12 cans of Coke x days ago and now there are only y left." (For reference, we can afford to buy the stuff, and I am the only person in the house who drinks it, so my consumption is hurting no-one. While I am overweight, we have also had this conversation over sugar free squash, bottled water, orange juice etc etc. For reference, I never count his tea bags.)

I am an adult and if what I am doing (eating/drinking/how I spend my leisure time/how far I decide to travel on a day out/whatever) isn't negatively effecting anyone else, then he really should mind his own business. Or am I wrong?

If he drank it then I’d say YABU but as he doesn’t then it’s none of his business and YANBU I’d hate to feel like I was living with my parents still.

I’m on the fence about this. On the one hand what you eat or drink is up to you, on the other hand coke is pretty foulsome stuff and I might comment if a loved one was drinking loads of it. I remember expressing disapproval of my son’s energy drink habit...it’s nasty and makes me worry for his health. He seems to have moved on to tea now so that’s less of a concern.
Yanbu to resent the interference but yabu if you drink a lot of coke. As I said, on the fence.

Just telling him he’s being an arse 😳

I’d tell him it’s none of his business and to pack it in. How rude.

Whilst I disagree with policing people's food or drink consumption, I think if it's part of the weekly shop from joint finances then its not unreasonable to question excessive amounts of anything. If OP buys it out of her own money then crack on.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

Whilst I disagree with policing people's food or drink consumption, I think if it's part of the weekly shop from joint finances then its not unreasonable to question excessive amounts of anything. If OP buys it out of her own money then crack on.

How do you know OP doesn't pay for the whole food shop from her own money?

How do you know OP doesn't pay for the whole food shop from her own money?

I don't thats why I made the distinction between joint finances and the OP paying out if her own finances

Just realised I do this. Can’t believe you’ve finished all that ketchup already!!!! Etc Thinking I should stop now reading this thread. But in his defence, as an extrovert I just voice my thoughts out loud rather than keeping them in my head. Hence why I say things like this!

Maybe he’s just worried about your health and he’s just unable to communicate it in an affective caring way?

Maybe with covid and you being over weight and possibly more at risk he doesn’t want you to catch it and be really unwell?

Have you asked him?

He shouldn’t make you feel bad about it, or annoy you... he should just communicate with you properly his reasons for making those comments instead of just making isolated comments which could mean anything. It’s really unhelpful when people do that.

Have you spoken to him about how it makes you feel and what thoughts cross your mind when he makes those comments?

Is there a possibility that because you are overweight and you know the drinks aren’t helping that in some way his comments make you feel even worse ?

I don’t think it’s fair on you for him to make those comments without proper adult discussion as to why they are being made. If he’s not willing to communicate it then he shouldn’t make those comments. But I also think you shouldn’t jump to conclusions and build up this resentment in you unless you’ve had a clear conversation with him and understand exactly what he’s trying to say but failing to say. It’ll just lay heavy on your heart and head.

I hope you sort it

I’d honestly turn round and say oh what a big boy you are you can count. Get a reward chart and put a sticker on every time he dose it and ask him would he like a can as a reward

Buy 2 cases, hide one, don't touch the other, no cans missing.. middle finger to him, coke for you :)

Op my OH sounds just like this. Though I am by no means remotely over weight. "Wow that wine went quick"
"Did you eat all that chocolate already"
it's frustrating isn't it.

Imo what he’s really saying is that you’re fat. That’s usually what people mean when they complain about you drinking sugary drinks or eating crisps and sweets. The same applies to sugar free drinks because they’re the worst things for making you gain weight.

I think sometimes if people grew up in houses where this was the norm they do it too. Annoying yes! Love the reply where obvs you were being abused 😅 That said coke is a dessert really and not a drink. You know it’s not good for you 🤷‍♀️

Nip it in the bud. My Dad is like this and my Mum barely steps foot in the kitchen any more. He has a mental log of every food item. It is a form of control.

Good advice, but taking divorce would be a better advice.

This is the kind of conversation we have with our teenager. We buy things that are supposed to last the whole household for the week (such as two loaves of bread) and he eats an entire loaf in 24 hours. We don't try to starve him, but he's so greedy sometimes and can't regulate how much he eats/drinks. If there's a multipack of something he HAS to eat/drink ALL of them, without thinking that they have to last another 6 days and be shared with two other people.

However, this isn't a discussion I'd be having with my partner unless he was being really selfish and eating something that was quite clearly meant to be shared.

Ten cans of coke in less than two days? I’d definitely notice my dh consuming that quantity without needing to actively monitor and I would consider it excessive, regardless of my dhs weight.

How is it your own problem when you are married but getting unhealthy?

@SnarkyBag

I’d just say “that’s right good counting” and give him a little pat

Brilliant response.

We need to know how many cans over how many days, in order to comment op.

I do think it can be a control issue - my dad does this to my mum and did it to us when we were children, and none of us were overweight or overeating - he would also complain if we didn't get through things quickly enough which meant it was a panic to try to get our consumption of fruit, biscuits, milk, whatever exactly right or it'd be noted loudly.

And whatever it's about - "pretty foulsome stuff" or not - it can mess with your head

I would say something of my partner was eating between meals or drinking sugary drinks (although he doesn't). My parents would have if I did too. I think it is normal of someone is doing something quite harmful to comment on it.

I'd start getting some legal advice about divorce. I could not BEAR to have someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally undermining my autonomy and self confidence. He's a jerk. Dump him. (Not that I'm judgemental or anything )