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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Harry threw Meghan to the lions

436 replies

Arielsvoice · 09/03/2021 16:00

OK apologies its another thread on this but hear me out

So I've watched the interview and I think Harry actually comes off looking much worse and that Meghan is actually suffering because he's a pretty shit partner.

On watching it and if you take what she says at face value:

Why didn't he tell her what it was all about given that she said she didn't know anything about the royals?

Why didn't he warn her what happened to his mother if she was that unaware?

Why didn't he arrange mental health support given he's had a therapist on speed dial for years?

Why didn't he stand up against Kate if she made Meghan cry?

Why have another child if he knows that there won't be any security for Archie?

Why not sort out a realistic plan to support himself before leaving rather than making knee jerk reactions which put his wife and child at risk?

So many questions that actually make Harry look like a pretty shit husband. To me he seems to be the one that is responsible for putting Meghan into the situation she's in now and then to make himself look better throws his family under the bus rather than take responsibility.

YANBU - Harry needs to take some responsibility for Meghan's experiences

YABU - he is not to blame for what happened to her.

OP posts:
Deadposhtory · 13/03/2021 20:51

Thff

Jbon9087 · 14/03/2021 00:03

@Arielsvoice
I think it was quite reasonable for her to think the British press had got better after the awfulness of Diana's death/paparazzi murder.

I think it was reasonable to assume the Queen had learnt something after her Annus horribilis, and the Royal Family would have learned from the near fall of the house of Windsor.

Plus what 30 years of race relations.. But as Britain doesn't talk about its racism, the depth of hatred she's faced would have been very shocking. Imagine it was so bad she preferred to face American racism than to stay here in the UK!!!.

So yes I think she had every reason to imagine things would have been better, especially with the protection of maybe the most powerful family on earth.

Mally2020 · 14/03/2021 01:27

You know Meghan and harry have now been proven to have lied repeatedly in the oprah interview? might want to reword some of your questions...

Theunamedcat · 14/03/2021 09:28

Yes they lied and exaggerated and there approval rating dropped now they are trying to push it back up with a series of pr moves but I think they are being held back by the friends in the UK claiming she has "receipts" and demands that the Queen publicise the results of the investigation 🤔 one does not make demands from the Queen

Lauren15 · 14/03/2021 12:09

@SabrinaMorningstar

By sharing lots of stories that paint H in a bad light, surely he was the one thrown under the bus? If he didn't tell her how to access MH support when he's had therapy, his mum had therapy, Princess Margaret had therapy, etc, then yy he is poor as a husband. If he deliberately took stories back to her that he knew would upset her, then he's a poor husband. If he didn't explain that the very experienced private secretary that HMQ assigned them was there to answer all M's questions about the RF, etiquette etc and M somehow didn't understand that, then he's a poor husband. Ditto if he didn't explain that all the Ladies in Waiting who had tea with them to welcome M to the family, were a wonderful resource of information and support. But from the excerpts of Finding Freedom that were published, whoever co-operated with that book threw Harry under the bus. It painted him as angry and impetuous. And arguably all the examples above that paint him as a poor husband - threw Harry even further under the bus.
Very interesting post.
Lndnmummy · 14/03/2021 12:16

@Mally2020

You know Meghan and harry have now been proven to have lied repeatedly in the oprah interview? might want to reword some of your questions...
Ha ha ha you are hilarious. “Proven to have lied repeatedly”. By the Daily Mail you mean? 😆
the80sweregreat · 14/03/2021 12:47

There is evidence Meghan lied about her passport as she attended many trips abroad which are well documented. They probably need it to book the holidays and trips for her.
These are high profile people she married into not the Smiths from up the road.
She said ' everything was taken away from me' without following up why ( in the interview ) this is the case. Oprah knows nothing about how the establishment operates.
As someone said on here, joining the Royals is like joining the Army. If you think about it, it's true! It wasn't for her, but dissing them all in a saccharin interview without any of the actual facts is just spiteful.
They are both bitter and twisted , but I can see why too.
I do wish them luck but are has fired a bloody big grenade and stepped away sue it's her own Husband she should be looking at.

thecatsthecats · 14/03/2021 13:20

The passport thing doesn't strike me as a lie, but as an underexplained truth, which she felt weirded out by.

The Queen doesn't have anything in her handbag. I'd have assumed that any prominent, important figure would not hold their own important documents. Way too big a security risk for things to go missing.

Heck, my husband isn't allowed to hold his own passport. I let him have it for the minimum amount of time required in the airport. Same goes for various essential things related to work - strict protocols for access and use related to security.

And if they're worried about security then it's part of that - no, you can't just book a flight and whip your passport out of the drawer. Your security detail need to assess the risk of your journey and plan who goes with you, surely?

the80sweregreat · 14/03/2021 13:29

When she said about her old job she was part of a union you could go to for any help , I did feel a bit sorry for her that Harry hadn't helped her with this.
She was an independent woman who could call a cab or ring someone in her old life.
In this one you need 'permission' to do things and she felt lost.
Harry was probably concerned that not going to this event would cause more negative press so she agree to go along. Again, he is to blame here. She was left on her own to deal with things , of that I can imagine is partly true to be honest. They have done this to all the Royal women in the past.

StocksAndScares · 14/03/2021 13:32

I like Meghan, but I think she rushed into marriage with Harry. Given the cultural differences between them, and Meghan's lack of knowledge on the royals, this was a mistake.

She needed to do her homework and understand what she was getting into. This is Harry's fault too. He should have had people like Kate Middleton tell Megan what she needed to expect.

They were both blinded by love, and it seems to be wearing off.

Theunamedcat · 14/03/2021 13:32

The passport thing was because she was in the royal family they dont travel like regular people it was nothing sinister just normality for them

Notanorthadontist · 14/03/2021 13:38

I’m intrigued by what the keys were that were taken off her.

LizB62A · 14/03/2021 13:43

In my experience, Americans idolised the RF before this so even if she had been told what marrying into it involved (which I'm guessing she would have been), she would have gone ahead thinking she could change the bits she didn't like.

Let's be realistic, she's not like Diana who was very young when she got married, hadn't been married before, and seemed very naive.

And let's not forget: Meghan is an actress.....

the80sweregreat · 14/03/2021 13:43

Kate probably didn't help her much. She had her own children by then and sister in laws can have a fractured relationship at the best of times too! Kate and William also work ( I know people will say they don't, but they do have their duties) and she was probably busy with all that.
I'm not defending her, but maybe she thought that Meghan would be given her own staff ( comms) and Harry would support her too.
M was given staff but clearly not the right people. Who knows? I don't know them.
She was left to it I guess. Kate has a strong family unit behind her too , that must help
It's all very sad what has gone on though

the80sweregreat · 14/03/2021 13:45

She said car keys were taken from her.
It must have been a shock, but this isn't a marriage with Joe Bloggs! It was with a prince.
Who ever was advising her did a terrible job.

KonTikki · 14/03/2021 13:48

Hero to Zero in less than 2 years.
Since he married MM in fact

Is that his fault, or hers ....
or perhaps they are both equally at fault. They certainly don't bring out the best in each other.

Theunamedcat · 14/03/2021 13:52

@the80sweregreat

She said car keys were taken from her. It must have been a shock, but this isn't a marriage with Joe Bloggs! It was with a prince. Who ever was advising her did a terrible job.
Put in the key safe most likely realistically when is she going to need them? all doors are opened for her they are actually taught not to open a door incase there is a threat the other side even car doors, remember the hoo haa about Harry not opening a door on a trip (Africa?) People thought it was wrong he didn't open the door for the woman by him but he has been taught from birth NOT TO
Sidewalksue · 14/03/2021 14:05

I’m always amazed on these threads that no one mentions Grace Kelly. Married someone she hardly knew, found royal life difficult and dull, ended up miserable.
Is Meghan saying she knew nothing about that too.
It was always going to be a difficult match. I’m always convinced that Meghan thought she would have more power once she was in the RF, instead she had to follow a rigid set of rules constantly. We all know it’s awful, I can’t believe she didn’t know anything about what it was like, but thought she didn’t really have to comply once she was married, but she did (I’ve worked with people like this who think that the rules won’t really apply to them and then are shocked that they do).
And she never asked Kate on the quiet ‘what is it really like?’ Whilst her and Harry were dating.

the80sweregreat · 14/03/2021 16:03

@Sidewalksue

I’m always amazed on these threads that no one mentions Grace Kelly. Married someone she hardly knew, found royal life difficult and dull, ended up miserable. Is Meghan saying she knew nothing about that too. It was always going to be a difficult match. I’m always convinced that Meghan thought she would have more power once she was in the RF, instead she had to follow a rigid set of rules constantly. We all know it’s awful, I can’t believe she didn’t know anything about what it was like, but thought she didn’t really have to comply once she was married, but she did (I’ve worked with people like this who think that the rules won’t really apply to them and then are shocked that they do). And she never asked Kate on the quiet ‘what is it really like?’ Whilst her and Harry were dating.
Yes, she was living in a fantasy world I think. I thought about Grace Kelly too. I just hope things work out, although the independent enquiry into bullying claims could turn ugly too.
LittleBearPad · 15/03/2021 17:46

It’s perplexing she even had car keys to be taken off her. She moved to the UK and in with Harry. When did she get the car keys!

Tbh I doubt Oprah looks after her own passport - why would you if you have a PA to do everything.

the80sweregreat · 15/03/2021 18:26

She could have asked for her car keys at any time I'm sure! They would have told her where they were ? Maybe staff move their cars around for them ? Maybe they like to discourage too many trips out because of security issues?
She was used to freedom and it was taken away from her which must have been hard to get used to. It's not your average life.

SabrinaMorningstar · 16/03/2021 10:06

Royals get papped driving their own cars all the time but I guess some people are gullible enough to believe that the RF are locked in castles with no escape. If your notions of Royalty come from Disney princesses, it's probably easy to believe it's all a bit Beauty and the Beast/Bluebeard.

the80sweregreat · 16/03/2021 10:13

Prince Charles once said that his sons liked owning fast motorbikes as they can put on a helmet and whizz off! It must liberating to be a bit normal for a change and not recognized.
I doubt she was 'locked up, ' of course, but coming from her background of work and being able to go out when she liked, being told that you couldn't do what you liked , must have been so hard.
After they moved to Canada there was a picture of her with Archie in a sling and the dogs and she did look much happier. Freedom.
We do take it for granted! She obviously wasn't aware of the restrictions she would be under and found it suffocating.

Lauren15 · 16/03/2021 13:46

I see Gayle King has reported that H has spoken to W and PC but the conversations were ‘unproductive’. Are we going to have years of M and H’s ‘friends’ speaking to the media?

the80sweregreat · 16/03/2021 14:07

@Lauren15

I see Gayle King has reported that H has spoken to W and PC but the conversations were ‘unproductive’. Are we going to have years of M and H’s ‘friends’ speaking to the media?
Probably. I think H wants more money and they won't play ball