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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Harry threw Meghan to the lions

436 replies

Arielsvoice · 09/03/2021 16:00

OK apologies its another thread on this but hear me out

So I've watched the interview and I think Harry actually comes off looking much worse and that Meghan is actually suffering because he's a pretty shit partner.

On watching it and if you take what she says at face value:

Why didn't he tell her what it was all about given that she said she didn't know anything about the royals?

Why didn't he warn her what happened to his mother if she was that unaware?

Why didn't he arrange mental health support given he's had a therapist on speed dial for years?

Why didn't he stand up against Kate if she made Meghan cry?

Why have another child if he knows that there won't be any security for Archie?

Why not sort out a realistic plan to support himself before leaving rather than making knee jerk reactions which put his wife and child at risk?

So many questions that actually make Harry look like a pretty shit husband. To me he seems to be the one that is responsible for putting Meghan into the situation she's in now and then to make himself look better throws his family under the bus rather than take responsibility.

YANBU - Harry needs to take some responsibility for Meghan's experiences

YABU - he is not to blame for what happened to her.

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 13/03/2021 18:01

She was hung up about the Kate crying episode because it made her look bad and she then got the negative press etc.

the80sweregreat · 13/03/2021 18:01

@derxa

I know who looks gaunt and haggard. Kate laying flowers at Clapham Common.
I'm pleased she went to that today.
the80sweregreat · 13/03/2021 18:03

Read the transcript online.
It all made a bit more sense to me reading it cold. He contradicts himself a lot.

livinlavida2021 · 13/03/2021 18:06

YANBU - I said exactly this to everyone I know, he's escaping much needed criticism IMO - can you really not tell me two 35 year olds couldn't get help for a mental illness between them ?

I appreciate she couldn't if she's suffering but what the hell is his excuse?

Madness, funny she's under scrutiny isn't it - the black female one of the two yet again being vilified while he gets off with very little criticism.

Lampzade · 13/03/2021 18:46

@Thymeout

if you watch the video of H&M at the Albert Hall event, H looks relaxed and smiling and M looks gaunt and haggard. I can well believe that she didn't want to be there but it looks to me that H felt he'd achieved something positive in persuading her to come with him.

Her version of having broken down and being cradled by Harry, and only agreeing to go with him because she felt she couldn't be left alone or she would harm herself may well have been 'her truth'. But I think Harry's account would vary. I don't think he believed she was suicidal. I think he thought she was exaggerating and, perhaps?, not for the first time.

H thought persuading her to come with him was the right thing to do, facing her fear, getting over it, not giving into it, was a measure of success. Any other interpretation shows gross negligence on his part - and I don't understand the posts blaming M for not finding help for herself. Surely that was H's role?

It suits their narrative now to present themselves as a couple united against the intransigence of the RF, but I'm willing to bet that Meghan was taking a leaf out of the Diana playbook and knew full well what she was doing in highlighting mental health as justification for her exit plans.

It was unfortunate for her that the fairy-tale wedding MGM spectacular was the best it was going to get, not the first of future glories. Must have been a difficult adjustment for her to make. Queen for a day, then having to slot into the minor role of supporting actress to Kate as the real future queen, gradually edged further and further from centre stage on the balcony line-up.

Meghan has never looked gaunt an haggard She looked beautiful
Mayormaynothavehadit · 13/03/2021 18:51

She looked gorgeous, gaunt and haggard my a

To think Harry threw Meghan to the lions
ancientgran · 13/03/2021 19:00

Bloody hell if that is gaunt and haggard I can't imagine what a good day looks like.

LittleBearPad · 13/03/2021 19:06

@ancientgran

Bloody hell if that is gaunt and haggard I can't imagine what a good day looks like.
😂
Jbon9087 · 13/03/2021 19:09

I don't understand why people think that because MM liked Princess D or read a book it equates being prepared for what came in the media assault from the DM, Piers Morgan, right wing media, to the BBC's Danny Baker. No human being can be prepared to withstand this kind of onslaught without breaking, and that is what the media, and the many who support the attitude, intend.

There is no justification in the world for the British media's behaviour - least of all that she should somehow have seen it coming - It has been criminal, and there will come a day when even it will pay its dues.

ancientgran · 13/03/2021 19:10

(then there's the question of matters like the balcony scene where Harry told Meghan to face forward and she looked upset) That wasn't nice to watch was it.

If you add it to him telling her what was said about possible colour of children (if it was said) and him not getting help for her when she felt suicidal he doesn't look good. Oprah didn't press him about it, she asked why and he said it was embarrassing which is a terrible excuse and Oprah left it at that.

Then add in his previous racism and I have to say he seems like the villain of the piece. I suppose it is easier for them both to blame others rather than to blame him.

From people I know I get the impression the people who were big Diana fans are very supportive of them which is strange as William is also her son but they seem quite happy to blame him. Of course that isn't that many people and it might be very different with more people.

Lauren15 · 13/03/2021 19:14

Well done to Kate for placing flowers. I’m considering going myself.

ancientgran · 13/03/2021 19:17

@derxa

I know who looks gaunt and haggard. Kate laying flowers at Clapham Common.
I think she always looks her best with her children, she is more relaxed and natural. Obviously today she was sombre.
itsgettingwierd · 13/03/2021 19:29

I think a lot of what was said is open to interpretation and as well never hear the other side that's all we have.

Re the Kate and crying thing though I don't think her issue is what happened. She clarified it was a bigger issue than it actually was due to it being a few days before a large wedding.

Her issue is that it came out in the papers 8 months later. It was down to discredit her when he hadn't said or done anything to prompt the story.

And she feels it's was wrong for the palace to allow the narrative to play out and not correct it because it allowed people to believe it was true and to mean more negative press was written about her as palace were happy for her to play the bad guy role out of the 2.

And I believe that. Kate is future queen. They will protect her more as they need to protect her image more.

ancientgran · 13/03/2021 19:34

It is quite possible that they both had a cry.

Mayormaynothavehadit · 13/03/2021 19:35

I find the whole thing of him saying it was embarrassing totally at odds with the Heads Together message, asking for help with mh issues - aren't we all supposed to have moved a long way from it being embarrassing? I'd have felt very let down by Meghan if my husband had expressed embarrassment at my feelings. No one seems to have picked up on that as far as I can see or have I misconstrued what he said?

Mayormaynothavehadit · 13/03/2021 19:36

Sorry if I were Meghan I meant

madroid · 13/03/2021 19:42

Am I being really ignorant to ask why she just couldn't not read or view the nasty media?

If anyone can live in a bubble without exposing themselves to negative media coverage surely it's the RF? Switch it off! Chuck it in the bin!

the80sweregreat · 13/03/2021 19:43

Why didn't the press just shut down the whole crying thing?
The trouble is, because W and K didn't do anything about it and let it just sit there ' it made Meghan realize that she would always be the labelled the 'bad guy. ' Same with Fergie and Diana back in the day.
I did have a bit of sympathy for her over this.
If the shutting the door in Kate's face is true then it shows she can't accept an apology.
Trouble is, we will never know the truth.

Ludo19 · 13/03/2021 19:50

Here are some points on Harry.
He thought it was fine to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a nazi.
He referred to someone as a p**i when pulled up on it he said "it was a term and meant nothing by it"
Was interviewed by his superiors and made to do a course on how to treat others in his platoon as numerous complaints were made about him and his conduct towards them.
Yes it was tragic he lost his mother but the RF has protected this ungrateful article.
As for MM, she actively portrayed herself as Caucasian and fluent in Spanish on her CV, so from an outside perspective was she ashamed of her heritage. I feel MH and racism is a very easy route to go down to get instant sympathy and use it as a smokescreen to hide behind. She's a liar to say she never say her passport till she got to California, what about the numerous trips abroad? Lake Como, baby shower in New York and the trips made as part of her duties. That interview with Oprah was totally staged, MM is a master manipulator and Harry is weak and obnoxious, he'll be sorry when she spits him out and he has to crawl back here.

Charley50 · 13/03/2021 20:01

I blame Harry a lot. I think Megan should blame him a lot too.

Theunamedcat · 13/03/2021 20:02

@Jbon9087

I don't understand why people think that because MM liked Princess D or read a book it equates being prepared for what came in the media assault from the DM, Piers Morgan, right wing media, to the BBC's Danny Baker. No human being can be prepared to withstand this kind of onslaught without breaking, and that is what the media, and the many who support the attitude, intend.

There is no justification in the world for the British media's behaviour - least of all that she should somehow have seen it coming - It has been criminal, and there will come a day when even it will pay its dues.

I think her stating she didn't research him or was completely naive about him and his family is the issue here she watched his mothers funeral went to Buckingham Palace was reportedly a big fan of Diana yet bad newspaper articles were a suprise to her? She knew how his mother died can she not put two and two together?
phoenixrosehere · 13/03/2021 20:10

*Am I being really ignorant to ask why she just couldn't not read or view the nasty media?

If anyone can live in a bubble without exposing themselves to negative media coverage surely it's the RF? Switch it off! Chuck it in the bin!*

Does that include friends telling you what is being said about you to the public and on social media?

Gone are the days that people can just throw the newspaper in the bin and simply ignore it. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere with no tv, no social media, no news, and little contact with people who aren’t involved in watching or talking about those things, it’s going to be difficult to ignore what is being said especially if it’s a lie.

If there was negative things being said about you in the public and all over social media, would your friends and family really not tell you or even ask you about it?

How many threads have we seen on here about people living in areas where everyone seemingly knows everyone and gossip is rampant and people posting on social media about who did something and who with?

WhiteSquare · 13/03/2021 20:12

I think he did, when the issue of racism came up he should have dealt with it properly, and he was the one who head it. He should have said this first & clarified what it meant. As Meghan brought it up now she looks like the lying monster. Too many inconsistencies IMO. Whether this is because it was TOO edited we don’t know.

But yes, Harry heard this he should have been the one to set the record straight rather than his wife taking the heat

SabrinaMorningstar · 13/03/2021 20:13

By sharing lots of stories that paint H in a bad light, surely he was the one thrown under the bus?
If he didn't tell her how to access MH support when he's had therapy, his mum had therapy, Princess Margaret had therapy, etc, then yy he is poor as a husband. If he deliberately took stories back to her that he knew would upset her, then he's a poor husband. If he didn't explain that the very experienced private secretary that HMQ assigned them was there to answer all M's questions about the RF, etiquette etc and M somehow didn't understand that, then he's a poor husband. Ditto if he didn't explain that all the Ladies in Waiting who had tea with them to welcome M to the family, were a wonderful resource of information and support.
But from the excerpts of Finding Freedom that were published, whoever co-operated with that book threw Harry under the bus. It painted him as angry and impetuous. And arguably all the examples above that paint him as a poor husband - threw Harry even further under the bus.

Lndnmummy · 13/03/2021 20:21

Meghan was thrown to the lions by the royal family and appealingly treated by the racist British press. I don’t understand why there is this indignant outcry about racist people being called out for what they are. White supremacy and privilege in the highest order and the failure of people to recognise it for what it is would be laughable if it wasn’t for the hundreds of thousands of people of colour feeling and living with systemic racism every single day. White people denying people of colour their experience and their truth is by far the ugliest trait of the British people.