To be fed up of being touched?

[YeahYesYup]

My DP touches (or I suppose in most cases i should say gropes) me ALL THE TIME. I downplay it in my head by telling myself it's good he's attracted so much to me etc but it drives me insane.
It's gotten to the point where I realise I give him a wide berth if I walk past him as I know he'll touch/slap my bum if I'm close, if I bend down the same thing everytime, I brace myself for it to happen everytime as he does it without fail.
He will touch my boobs, either over or under my top whenever he fancies and everytime I undress he makes a point of watching and making sexual comments.
I want to add that I'm not a prude, I've had other relationships and have always had no issue with being touched/how much they touch me/ getting undressed infront of them etc but with my current DP it just feels the way he touches and looks at me is different and excessive. But then I just think maybe my previous relationships have been the odd one out and that this is normal in a relationship?

I should add I am still bf my toddler so she is touching my boobs alot and I think that contributes to when my DP also wants to touch them all the time it's just too much, maybe I am being unreasonable?

[Cherrysoup]

He's grabbed my wrist and made me touch him if I won't do it myself many times.

Wtaf?! That’s horrific.

You say you don’t want your dd being in a similar situation yet you’re tolerating it?

Your ds is a teenager and you think he doesn’t see this? You’re kidding yourself! Does he not have eyes in his head? Either he’s very uncomfortable with it or he’s starting to think that this is how he should behave in a future relationship.

One imagines your DP is a sex pest too? Are you his first relationship?

[IamEarthymama]

Please contact Women’s Aid, you must be a bag of nerves, bless you.

What a bastard he is.

[Snowball70]

this sounds intolerable to live with OP

can I ask, why do you stay with him ? what does he bring to the relationship that makes you stay and endure this horrible paw'ing?

can you leave ? 🌺

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Would you want your daughter to put up with this from a boyfriend when she’s older?

[Chimeraforce]

Yanbu. My partner of 25 yrs does it. He pinches my nipples so I pinch his or rip his hairs out.
I've always said stop it, I don't like it. Changing to just fuck off will you you fucking moron that fucking hurts. Just go and toss yourself off.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Being single isn’t a bad thing Chimeraforce, it’s certainly better than the sort of dysfunction you describe.

[SoulofanAggron]

He pinches my nipples

@Chimeraforce That must be horrible. I mean, some people might like it if they're in the mood but not when they're just going about their day. It's kind of sadistic as he must know it's unpleasant if you're not in the zone.

Could you leave him?

[dreamingbohemian]

I think you're kidding yourself that your son doesn't see it, I'm so sorry

You have to leave for his sake too

Do you have a friend in real life you can confide in? Or call Women's Aid?

When you think about leaving, what is your biggest fear or obstacle? I bet if we talked through them one by one, we could make leaving seem more doable

[mybonnieliesovertheocean2]

sleepyhead1980 you stayed with a man who raped you in your sleep and fingered you when asleep too? I am shocked ... I am trying to understand why you would stay?

[grapewine]

Chimeraforce echo being single isn't bad. I hope you can find a way leave. It sounds awful for you.

[sleepyhead1980]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2

sleepyhead1980 you stayed with a man who raped you in your sleep and fingered you when asleep too? I am shocked ... I am trying to understand why you would stay?

I never had myself down as someone who would put up with that kind of thing but I guess you never know what you'll do until it's you. At the time I was certain I would divorce him but when it came down to it (the actual talk of divorce, selling the house etc) I just couldn't bear to do it to my kids. Also selfishly I didn't want to share my kids, they are everything to me and I need them 😢 I know he will probably do it again at some point (it's been almost 2 years since the last time). I save, I prepare mentally. Maybe next time I'll be stronger.

[skodadoda]

@FortunesFave

Can I just use this opportunity to say that posters who comment on threads with "What did he say when you told him" or versions of that are complete and utter arseholes.

It's SO passive aggressive and STUPID! Just ask the OP if you want to know if she's tackled him about it!

There’s always one 😞

[skodadoda]

@ChocolateSantaisthebestkind

Op YANBU! I would say to him very levelly next time he does it, 'I do not like when you do that, it makes me feel like an object rather than someone you love and respect.' That should start the conversation and may shock him into seeing it from your perspective.

And you really must have that conversation. You need to decide whether it’s a deal-breaker.

[SoulofanAggron]

you stayed with a man who raped you in your sleep and fingered you when asleep too? I am shocked I am trying to understand why you would stay?

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2 I did the same in the past to be fair, well, got back with someone who'd done it in the past. When I dumped him, it was a wake up call for him and he realized what he'd been doing. My ex did change but I think that must be really rare. We got back together for a couple of years eight years later, and finally split up for other reasons. He's still my best friend.

I think ones who change must be very rare, and would never encourage any woman to stay.

I would never put up with it from another man.

[JustDavesWife]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2 you are best friends with a rapist? He realised what he had been doing? It took you dumping him for him to realise he was a rapist? FFS.

I'm not sure how you can look at him knowing what he did to you.

[JustDavesWife]

Ahhhh crap I've tagged the wrong person, so so sorry @mybonnieliesovertheocean2.

Message above was for @SoulofanAggron

[TheFormidableMrsC]

@GNCQ

Would also have sex with me when asleep. That's basically illegal

Yes I know. I have had a conversation with the police but couldn't face pursuing it as I had no proof. I have always been worried that there are photographs out there too. We have a young DS, fortunately they no longer have contact. I know that I was repeatedly raped but I try not to dwell on it. I have had extensive counselling.

[Carbara]

Whose property do you live in? If it’s yours, the molester can easily be removed. Start putting your focus on removing the scum from your life, there’s loads of advice online about how to escape from this. Sexual predators need strung up.

[Carbara]

Oh god, you have a daughter with it? And it molests you in front of children? Time to prosecute it.

[TheSoapyFrog]

OP I really think you need to make plans to leave. If you can't do it for you because you think being a single parent again is worse than a lifetime of putting up with sexually abused, then do it for your kids. I don't believe for a second your DS hasn't at least picked up on this. And although your DD is a toddler and may not understand the context, she may copy the actions. They learn these interactions from us. Imagine she does this at nursery, what do you think will happen? This is a safeguarding issue You need to protect her from this. And you said you don't like the way he disciplines and talks to her. The formative years are so important. If you don't get her away from this, you don't know what damage it will do.

[sleepyhead1980]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2 how did you get over it to move forward with him? I honestly think about my husband doing that to me every single day. I can't quite comprehend the lack of respect he must have for me before he could have sex with my unconscious body. I was an exhausted new mum and he took advantage for sexual pleasure. He could go to jail for that. It's hard to move on.

[DrSbaitso]

This is truly appalling, OP. There is nothing you can do to make it better. This is who he is. All you can do is remove yourself and your child from the situation.

[Nancylovesthecock]

Why do so many men do this? My ex husband used to offer me a shoulder massage then slide his hands down into my bra from behind so that he kind of had me pinned in place and start tweeking my nipples. 🤮

I had to firmly tell my DH that I do not want to be grabbed at. He would do it whatever I was doing, hands down my trousers to squeeze my bum, up into my top to squeeze my boobs all whilst I was trying to get through folding laundry or washing a massive pile of pots and feeling the least receptive to his advances.

One I explained, he did stop and has not started again thankfully, otherwise that would be divorce no2 😂

[Mittens030869]

This is truly appalling, OP. There is nothing you can do to make it better. This is who he is. All you can do is remove yourself and your child from the situation.

^I agree with this, sorry. This is abuse pure and simple, and you and your DC will all be damaged if you stay in this relationship.