To be fed up of being touched?

[YeahYesYup]

My DP touches (or I suppose in most cases i should say gropes) me ALL THE TIME. I downplay it in my head by telling myself it's good he's attracted so much to me etc but it drives me insane.
It's gotten to the point where I realise I give him a wide berth if I walk past him as I know he'll touch/slap my bum if I'm close, if I bend down the same thing everytime, I brace myself for it to happen everytime as he does it without fail.
He will touch my boobs, either over or under my top whenever he fancies and everytime I undress he makes a point of watching and making sexual comments.
I want to add that I'm not a prude, I've had other relationships and have always had no issue with being touched/how much they touch me/ getting undressed infront of them etc but with my current DP it just feels the way he touches and looks at me is different and excessive. But then I just think maybe my previous relationships have been the odd one out and that this is normal in a relationship?

I should add I am still bf my toddler so she is touching my boobs alot and I think that contributes to when my DP also wants to touch them all the time it's just too much, maybe I am being unreasonable?

[MistyMother]

My partner is the same. It’s awful and it really gets to me. I’ve asked him to stop in as many ways as I can from seriously asking to hitting and swearing at him. Nothing works. Years ago he even grabbed my boobs from behind once I was facing toward his mum. I was so angry. I think he has major issues. It is gross and disrespectful. We have children together and it’s not like I can leave him because of that.

[Parker231]

For those with such dreadful partners, are you still sleeping in the same room as him and having sex?

[Shoxfordian]

Why can’t you leave him @MistyMother? He sounds like he’s continually sexually assaulting you

[Pansypotter123]

Unwanted sexual advances = sexual abuse, which is illegal. Set your bar higher and tell him you'll report him to the police.

[MistyMother]

@Shoxfordian people say ‘just leave’ like it’s so easy. I have three young children and it would tear their lives apart. I left a husband once before and although it was the right thing to do it was awful. I know it sounds bad but the groping is not the entire relationship. He’s not perfect but he’s a loving father and a hard worker. Basically it’s not bad enough for me to break up over.

[mybonnieliesovertheocean2]

Sadly womans bars are set so low that they almost look for the good points to justify staying as it would be too much to leave for them. Please dont hide behind your DC, they will see what he does and the blatant disrespect and will grow up thinking it is normal. So when your DS do the same to there partners and your DD put up with it from theres please dont sit back and wonder why

[AnneLovesGilbert]

[quote MistyMother]@Shoxfordian people say ‘just leave’ like it’s so easy. I have three young children and it would tear their lives apart. I left a husband once before and although it was the right thing to do it was awful. I know it sounds bad but the groping is not the entire relationship. He’s not perfect but he’s a loving father and a hard worker. Basically it’s not bad enough for me to break up over.[/quote]
Who ever said was easy?

But it is worth it so save yourself from being sexually abused, and to save your children from seeing their mum being sexually assaulted by their dad. Whatever hardship breaking up would bring it won’t be as dangerous to your children as growing up in such a dysfunctional household, learning such toxic messages about adult relationships.

It’s very sad you don’t think you’re worth more but it’s heartbreaking you don’t think your children are worth more.

You’re the one who says it’s gross and disrespectful but you’re the one putting up with it and exposing your kids to it.

Do you want them to end up in such a shit relationship? The longer you stay the more likely that is to happen because they’re watching you day in day out and seeing this as normal.

[MistyMother]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2

Sadly womans bars are set so low that they almost look for the good points to justify staying as it would be too much to leave for them. Please dont hide behind your DC, they will see what he does and the blatant disrespect and will grow up thinking it is normal. So when your DS do the same to there partners and your DD put up with it from theres please dont sit back and wonder why

How very patronising and judgemental of you.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It’s neither patronising nor judgemental. It’s absolutely accurate. It’s not your fault he’s behaving so revoltingly. But you are at fault for choosing, choosing to stay because you feel it’s worth it. That comes at a hell of a cost to your innocent dependent children who have no choice.

[Therealjudgejudy]

@MistyMother you think a man who constantly sexually assaults his kids mother is a loving husband? Your bar is set so low.

It may be hard to leave but you need to put your kids first.

[Cuppachino]

people say ‘just leave’ like it’s so easy. I have three young children and it would tear their lives apart

When people say this...I often wonder do they think people who DO leave marriages and relationships where kids are involved, don't think about the children? I was absolutely devastated for my DC when I split with their father(no sexual or physical abuse involved), absolutely on the floor with pain for them but it was for the best. DC are absolutely fine.

[Eckhart]

[quote MistyMother]@Shoxfordian people say ‘just leave’ like it’s so easy. I have three young children and it would tear their lives apart. I left a husband once before and although it was the right thing to do it was awful. I know it sounds bad but the groping is not the entire relationship. He’s not perfect but he’s a loving father and a hard worker. Basically it’s not bad enough for me to break up over.[/quote]
Nobody said it was easy.

My brother and I had our lives torn apart because our mother stayed.

It's guaranteed that growing up with parents who have this kind of relationship will damage the children.

The parent who chooses to take positive, if challenging, steps towards moving away from harmful situations provides a strong, healthy model for the child(ren), even if times are hard.

The parent who stays and makes the most of their crap relationship and its impact on their life will have children who grow up and make the most of their crap relationships.

'A loving father' does not disrespect any member of his family. Working hard does not excuse him disrespecting any member of his family.

Nobody ought to put up with this behaviour because they're scared of the alternative for their children. It is abuse. Abuse is the worst thing for children.

[Carbara]

What anneloves said. There’s no justification for sexual predators. I’m sadly burdened with a ‘mother’ who prioritised males over me, and I don’t have a relationship with her now that I’m free of her. If anyone wants to date a predator that’s their choice, but keep it entirely away from the kids. Can’t believe this even needs to be said, ffs.

[23PissOffAvenueWF]

We've only been together a few years so it's not like we've been together 10 years and the spark has gone. I'm the longest relationship he's had

There’s a reason you’re the longest relationship he’s had.

No-one else would be willing to put up with this.

[Shoxfordian]

I’m not saying leaving is easy but in this case, it is the only real option. A man who continually sexually assaults you is clearly not someone you should be around. Touching you sexually without your consent is sexual assault, it’s that simple. It’s not ok. Leaving may not be easy but it’s still the best choice to make

[chaosmaker]

Sending love and support to all the women on this thread that are in intolerable relationships. Please reach out to women's organisations and put steps in place to leave. Imagine not having to have all that anxiety in your life every day or the toxicity of your children's home lives. It may not be blatant at the time to the children but they'll definitely pick up on the atmosphere.

[georgarina]

@Eckhart seconding this. Kids are WAY better off in a single parent separated family than an abusive family - even if it's harder financially, messy breakup, etc.

When my parents divorced I remember the freedom I felt from all the fighting and dysfunction. Yes we had a lot less money but as child it made literally no difference whatsoever, I was much happier.

[Zakana]

@SixesAndEights

I have my own reasons why I put up with his behaviour and yes, funnily enough, he’s a fabulous dad.

I am just biding my time until time is right.

I can assure you, I am not just putting up with it at all.

Thanks for your well meaning concern.

[Ellie56]

Good/fantastic/fabulous dads don't abuse the mothers of their children, either sexually or otherwise.

[Spagoot224]

You have my sympathy OP. My ex was like this; absolutely disgusting and when I think of it now, it sets my teeth on edge. I can remember absolutely cringing and trying to get out of his octopus grasp. I flipped my shit one day and demanded that he stopped ‘pawing’ at me like an animal. He used to go on like an absolute creature 🤢