To be fed up of being touched?

[YeahYesYup]

My DP touches (or I suppose in most cases i should say gropes) me ALL THE TIME. I downplay it in my head by telling myself it's good he's attracted so much to me etc but it drives me insane.
It's gotten to the point where I realise I give him a wide berth if I walk past him as I know he'll touch/slap my bum if I'm close, if I bend down the same thing everytime, I brace myself for it to happen everytime as he does it without fail.
He will touch my boobs, either over or under my top whenever he fancies and everytime I undress he makes a point of watching and making sexual comments.
I want to add that I'm not a prude, I've had other relationships and have always had no issue with being touched/how much they touch me/ getting undressed infront of them etc but with my current DP it just feels the way he touches and looks at me is different and excessive. But then I just think maybe my previous relationships have been the odd one out and that this is normal in a relationship?

I should add I am still bf my toddler so she is touching my boobs alot and I think that contributes to when my DP also wants to touch them all the time it's just too much, maybe I am being unreasonable?

[Dentistlakes]

Yuck, he sounds awful.

You have a right to say you don’t want to be touched OP.

[Unsure33]

I would hate this . I told my OH it’s disrespectful and like living with Benny Hill . He did tone it down after that . I also grabbed his privates randomly and said corrrrrr what lovely plums . He did not like that either .

[ScopeToCreate]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2

This is taken from a domestic abuse website

Sexual abuse is when you’re forced or pressured to have sex without your consent (rape), unwanted sexual activity, touching, groping or being made to watch pornography

I think you need to stop minimising this,

^^ This. It is abuse, it is unwanted.

[sunnyzweibrucken]

Sounds like my ex. turned me right off of him cause he never touched me affectionally. all touch was grope-y and sexual. yuck.

[MeridianB]

Agree with others that you should feel able to assert your boundaries. It sounds horrible.

I would not want this happening in front of my child, either.

[dreamingbohemian]

I understand why you want to minimise this because it's very upsetting to realise that your partner is a sexual abuser. But he is. He needs to stop or you need to leave.

Does he do it in front of your child?

[Crankley]

I can't think of anything that would turn me off of sex more than a revolting sex pest groping me every five minutes. He would be out the front door faster than I could throw him. Why are you putting up with it?

Would also have sex with me when asleep.

Otherwise known as rape.

[ThePricklySheep]

“I'm the longest relationship he's had”

I wonder why.

[StopSearching]

I've mentioned it several times and he says it's a good thing

Wow. You tell him you don't like it and he immediately dismisses you.

Are you sure you want to stay with a person like that. He sounds horrible.

[B3ttyBoop]

Oh no, that's not affectionate or comforting. He's a pest. If he doesn't listen to you, it maybe time to leave? Also in the interim, you need some physical blocking techniques.

My ex used to do something similar. I made all sorts of excuses, i spoke to him often about it, i tried to laugh it off. He ignored me/ persuaded me he was passion driven and pleased to see me and didn't realise he was oppressing or physically hurting me. Cue guilt at speaking to him about sexually aggressive behaviour.I've no doubt now that it was absolutely deliberate.

[chocoholic2021]

@peak2021

Disappointed to see one person thinks it acceptable, or hopefully they pressed the wrong choice. Groping is an assault.

Currently 5% or approx 13 people think it’s acceptable. There are no words.

[Zakana]

Sex pest alert! I’ve been with mine 30 years and the dirty old git still thinks he can do that to me on occasion, until I make gagging sounds and stick my fingers down my throat, that stops it! Just revolting, and a complete turn off, he is slowly learning if he does that, there will be no action full stop! Plus, it does really make me want to vomit 🤢

[Cosmos45]

You really need to change the title of the thread to fed up of being groped. I had an ex that did this, one of the many reasons he is an ex. I would hate that.. My husband might touch me as I walk past but its an affectionate pat or stroke rather than a "waahay" grope. Grim as and no wonder he has not held down a relationship for any great length of time in the past.

[BrilliantBetty]

This is horrible. It's not acceptable and you don't have to put up with it. But would you consider leaving over this?
I don't know how you get him to stop other than to separate. He isn't listening to you, and it's serious.

[SixesAndEights]

@Zakana

Sex pest alert! I’ve been with mine 30 years and the dirty old git still thinks he can do that to me on occasion, until I make gagging sounds and stick my fingers down my throat, that stops it! Just revolting, and a complete turn off, he is slowly learning if he does that, there will be no action full stop! Plus, it does really make me want to vomit 🤢

30 years and he's "slowly" learning.

It never ceases to amaze me what some women will put up with.

(Is he a "great dad"?)

[Parker231]

He sounds disgusting. He wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed until he learns to behave like an adult

[Righteouswarrior]

Yanbu. His behaviour is gross and shows a lack of respect for your privacy and feelings. It does suggest he objectifies you rather than seeing you as person to treat appropriately.
It's also not just how it makes you feel, that needs to be considered. Would you want your DD to grow up seeing/hearing wholly inappropriate behaviour? Would you want her to think it's acceptable and therefore risk her allowing that in her future relationships when she is grown up?

[Merename]

Agree with everyone that this is not touching, it’s groping and a form of sexual assault. It sounds like he sees your body as his possession that he is allowed to do what he likes with. This is not your fault and I am not at all surprised that you are questioning this - it seems he’s almost groomed you to think that this is ok. It’s one thing if it’s a behaviour that he thinks is sexy, but he responds to you telling him how you feel. It sounds like you have done this and he continues to disregard that you are a person with your own wishes. I think he needs an extremely explicit message and if there are any more breaches then you decide what the consequences are.

[mylovelydd]

Cannot believe 5% have voted YABU

I would hate it if my DH did this. It's intrusive and aggressive too. He must surely see you cringe away from him. He's reducing you to a piece of meat. Would give me the galloping ick.

[YeahYesYup]

@tiktaktoe to answer that question no I'm not, the more he touches and gropes me the more I dont want anything to do with him sexually. Which he becomes aware of and then touches me more to initiate sex.
Never ending circle.

[MrsMackesy]

Not nice. It sounds like OP lives with Cosmo Smallpiece.

[Lady08]

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. Also just because he’s your partner, it doesn’t give him the right to sexually harass you. You need to have another chat and put some boundaries in place.

[speakout]

Don;t put up with this OP.
He sounds disgusting.
He may try to minimise things- but equally you can escalate them.

[Kgrzghtechh]

@GNCQ

Would also have sex with me when asleep. That's basically illegal

It's not 'basically illegal', it is illegal. Because it's rape.

Unconscious people cannot consent. There is no ambiguity.

[Thatnameistaken]

Ugh, the thought of him is making my skin crawl, you'll be heading towards the 'ick' having to put up with his creepy, entitled behaviour.