AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

[Hfjshdhs]

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

What post are you reading?

The ones that imply that the OP by her own right should have the entire power to shut out her husband's family out their families life.

I can reference them if you can't tell for yourself?

HTH.

[littlepattilou]

@Hfjshdhs I am actually wondering if you are someone I know!


I have a friend who has 2 kids aged 3, and almost 6 months, and SHE is refusing to let her gran see the kids, because her gran is refusing the vaccine, and won't wear a mask.

My friend is 30, and her uncle (aged 47,) still lives with his mum (my friend's gran,) and he has basically poisoned his mother's mind with all this conspiracy theory bullshit. She believes everything he says, and is also now a covid denier.

As her gran is 74, my friend refuses to take the kids round, and as they are the only grandchildren, her gran is very upset. It's caused a huge rift, but my friend hasn't let her see her 2 kids since mid January.

I, and almost everyone I know is on my friend's side... Uncle is fuming too, and said my friend is a fucking bitch. Horrible man.

I feel sorry for the gran, but if she believes the shit her son comes out with, then she is going to suffer not seeing her grandkids.

By the way, OP, YANBU for sure...

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Admit it, you want to punish your DC for liking their GP when you don't.
Your choice but the DC may later in life choose to not want you to see their DC, how would you feel about that?

This, in spates.

[tootiredtospeak]

It's a personal choice would you have ever done that is they didn't have a flu jab. I could understand if you yourself were ECV but you arent they are more at risk that anyone. My dad and my FIL haven't had it yet my elderly grandparents and my partner had. No one is threatening to disown anyone but then we do all get along.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Congrats your parents are jabbed

Why are you congratulating someone about another person's choice

[Livelovebehappy]

Well i guess you couldn’t contain the excitement once they told you. Great excuse for you not to see them if you don’t like them. Does DH have any say in this decision?

[Mermaid2007]

I 100% agree with you, I would be exactly the same.

[Kendodd]

Yanbu
It's not so much covid even, I wouldn't want them poisoning my children with their ridiculous views.

[Thehop]

I wouldn’t want conspiracy theorists influencing my children.

[willibald]

Why not just be honest with them that you don't like them or want them around?

[Druidlookingidiot]

@oblada

This is just an excuse not to see your IL. Just own up to your own decisions, don't use a vaccine as an excuse.

Plenty of people will be refusing this particular vaccine, for their own reasons, some others may understand and some others may not understand. It is completely and utterly unhinged to state that you will only see people who have had this particular vaccine. Do you check other vaccine or medical procedures? Do you only socialise with people with the same beliefs as you in everything? That's bonkers really.

This is just an excuse not to see your IL utter bollocks


Plenty of people will be refusing this particular vaccine, for their own reasons reasons? The only reason to refuse the Covid vaccine is because PEOPLE ARE UTTERLY STUPID.

[Fairyliz]

So keep your 3 year old at home if you are so petrified of Covid, they will be coming into contact with lots of unvaccinated children and adults there.
But presumably they go because that benefits you.
Just own it, you don’t like them and want to keep them at a distance.

[Beautiful3]

The vavvibe wont stop them catching it, nor spreading it. It simply means they suffer it mildly instead of severely. Sorry but it sounds like that you dont like them, and are using this as an excuse to not see them.

[Alsohuman]

@Kendodd

Yanbu
It's not so much covid even, I wouldn't want them poisoning my children with their ridiculous views.

Do grandparents often have discussions about the pros and cons of vaccination with three year olds?

[PopUpName]

Your dc, your rules. Not exposing your unvaccinated dc to unnecessary risk seems a good enough reason.

[labrengun]

We did exactly this with my PIL. Our DC are older than yours and I wasn't concerned about them catching Covid from PIL, I was more concerned about my DC giving it to them. Both are 70+ and CEV. I didn't want to put my DC in the position of harming their GPs.
In our case blackmail worked and PIL got the vaccine just over a week ago.

[littlepattilou]

Accusing the OP of 'using the vaccine as an excuse because she hates her in-laws,' is just such a dumb thing to say.

The in-laws refusing the vaccine is not an 'excuse,' it's a very good reason!

[Nancydrawn]

There's plenty of evidence, and it's growing all the time, that the vaccine helps to reduce transmission. An article that's about to be published, for instance, shows that inoculated people who get infected have a fourfold decrease in viral load than those without the vaccine--and we know that lower viral load means both that spread is reduced and that any infection spread is likely to be weaker.

As for your in-laws, I don't see how this is any different than insisting they get a flu shot before they hold your child, something that is perfectly common. They can play roulette with their own health as much as they want, but they're not allowed to play roulette with your family's health.

[Inkpaperstars]

I would be avoiding them on the grounds of no vaccine. But also I would not want children around the kind of idiots who think Covid doesn’t exist. That in itself would be good reason regardless of vaccine.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

Incidentally, do their respective employers know about this- I hope they do so that their co-workers can keep as far apart from them as possible (and if there are post April 12 any social events, not invite them).
Whether you agree or not with the vaccine employers or co-workers have absolutely no right to know who is and who isn't vaccinated.

[Nancydrawn]

(If anyone desperately wants to read that medical study, they can find it here: www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.02.06.21251283v1.full.pdf)

[OhWhyNot]

Your children are going to come into contact with a number of people who haven’t been vaccinated

It’s a ridiculous excuse

[Cherrysoup]

If your dh has a poor relationship with them and you do too, I don’t see why you want to persist in allowing your dd to see your pil? Brilliant opportunity, tell them!

[Useruseruserusee]

I would, however one of my DC is CEV so that would be a major part of my decision. Luckily my in-laws are not anti-vaxxers.

[lockeddownandcrazy]

Definitely not being unreasonable to expect them to want to do their best to protect your children's health. stick to your guns