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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

569 replies

Hfjshdhs · 07/03/2021 17:47

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

OP posts:
HotChoc10 · 10/03/2021 14:04

@riae the local authority pension website has a modeller which will give you an estimate of what you'll get if you pay in. Google 'lgps modeller' its the first result.

UsedUpUsername · 10/03/2021 14:08

@Handsoffstrikesagain

usedupusername, they are not lovely people. Oh the irony of being religious and having such hateful views! What happens if one of your DC is gay? Do the ‘lovely’ grandparents suddenly decide they’re going to hell?
I guess they’d ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’ and that would be that. You know religious people are great at mental gymnastics 😂
RandomUser18282 · 10/03/2021 14:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

RantyAnty · 10/03/2021 14:12

They are being silly. Depending on their age and health, they're the ones more likely to suffer by not getting the vaccine.

My DSis family all had covid. 2 of them were somewhat ill with it(ages 50s and 17). Not enough to be in hospital. The other 2 also tested pos and had no symptoms at all. (ages 50s and 20)

Cuppachino · 10/03/2021 14:20

The Vaccine Adverse Effects Reporting System is also only just emerging now. Reporting systems only capture the tip of the iceberg and it takes time to establish the causality or just coincidence

VAERS are not the most reliable source...

www.reuters.com/article/uk-factcheck-vaers-idUSKBN2AE0QQ

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/03/2021 14:26

"VAERS are not the most reliable source..."

Well, not if they are including the deaths of people who had not had a covid vaccination as having been caused by the covid vaccine, no, not really.

harknesswitch · 10/03/2021 14:33

The vaccine doesn't stop you getting the virus and it doesn't stop you passing it on, it simply means that if you contract Covid your symptoms will be less severe.

It's their call if they want to risk being more poorly if they contract the virus, your dc are less likely to be ill if they get it. However if you think they are at a higher risk of passing it into your dc, then yanbu if you say you don't want your dc to spend time with them. The vaccine actually has nothing to do with it - although it might be a good excuse

Cuppachino · 10/03/2021 14:56

It's their call if they want to risk being more poorly if they contract the virus, your dc are less likely to be ill if they get it. However if you think they are at a higher risk of passing it into your dc, then yanbu if you say you don't want your dc to spend time with them. The vaccine actually has nothing to do with it - although it might be a good excuse

But the OP doesn't want to risk getting it herself either. It's not only about the DC. It's an added risk.

TheChip · 10/03/2021 15:22

I wonder what the OP has decided to do

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2021 16:07

"The vaccine doesn't stop you getting the virus and it doesn't stop you passing it on, it simply means that if you contract Covid your symptoms will be less severe."

Do we know that 100%? It might help with reducing transmission if people aren't coughing it around. If they get a milder version, would they have a lower viral load and be less likely to pass it around?

Welikebeingcosy · 10/03/2021 16:09

Have you kept yourself away from unvaccinated people for the entirety of this past year then?

EmmaOvary · 10/03/2021 16:51

'Sounds like a really good excuse to get shot of them. It is though a very shitty thing to do and you would have to live with that.

Just a thought. Your children will learn from how you treat their grandparents, so do you really want the same thing to happen to you in twenty or thirty years time.'

What a load of emotionally blackmailing fucking nonsense.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/03/2021 16:57

@Gwenhwyfar

"The vaccine doesn't stop you getting the virus and it doesn't stop you passing it on, it simply means that if you contract Covid your symptoms will be less severe."

Do we know that 100%? It might help with reducing transmission if people aren't coughing it around. If they get a milder version, would they have a lower viral load and be less likely to pass it around?

It reduces transmission for both those reasons.
CrayonInThreeBits · 10/03/2021 17:10

@Welikebeingcosy

Have you kept yourself away from unvaccinated people for the entirety of this past year then?
Isn't that what we've all been doing?
bumbleymummy · 10/03/2021 17:23

@Welikebeingcosy

Have you kept yourself away from unvaccinated people for the entirety of this past year then?
It's amazing how quickly seem to have forgotten that pre-vaccine(just a few months ago), millions of people throughout the world contracted covid and recovered.Someone earlier (I can't remember if it was this thread or another) commented that all the unvaccinated people would die Hmm.
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/03/2021 17:46

Millions of people didn't die of it, but enough people did die for it to be worth taking precautions against.

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2021 18:01

Well, yes. That's why it's a good thing that we can vaccinate the more vulnerable groups so that we can reduce the risk of people being hospitalised and dying. It doesn't mean that less vulnerable people who aren't vaccinated are all of a sudden going to start being hospitalised/dying at huge rates as some people seem to think (and others think they deserve!).

MissConductUS · 10/03/2021 18:09

It's amazing how quickly seem to have forgotten that pre-vaccine(just a few months ago), millions of people throughout the world contracted covid and recovered.

The worldwide death toll is over 2.5 million at this point. I guess you forgot that.

Someone earlier (I can't remember if it was this thread or another) commented that all the unvaccinated people would die hmm.

I'll believe that when you can provide a link to it.

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2021 18:16

It was on the coronavirus board - 'What happens to the unvaccinated?' thread. A poster wrote that the unvaccinated would become seriously ill or die. Feel free to check if you like :)

I haven't forgotten that people died at all. People seem to have forgotten that the vast majority lived though - even without a vaccine.

nanbread · 10/03/2021 18:19

Personally I think YANBU just because they sound like awful people and if they are toxic towards you at some point they'll probably do the same to your DC.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/03/2021 18:22

At which point it becomes "Do you feel lucky? Well, do you?"

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2021 18:25

I don't really believe in 'luck'. Statistically, given my age, health and BMI, I am extremely unlikely to end up seriously ill or dead. Covid is a much lower risk to me than many other things I have done during my life.

PrincessNutNuts · 10/03/2021 19:05

YANBU.

They are perfectly free to make their own decisions.

And so are you.

Mirrorsarentmyfriends · 10/03/2021 19:20

YABU I actually cannot believe some of the threads I read on here. If you don't want your dc to see their grandparents, then have the balls to just come out right and say so. Denying anyone access unless they have been vaccinated is disgusting! I am not an anti-vaxxer at all and have been offered the vaccine, however I have decided to decline it purely because I feel that there hasn't been enough research been done on it for me to have it right now.

CrayonInThreeBits · 10/03/2021 20:35

I have decided to decline it purely because I feel that there hasn't been enough research been done on it for me to have it right now.

www.bbc.com/news/health-54873105 — the Pfizer vaccine "has been tested on 43,500 people in six countries and no safety concerns have been raised."

www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-55040635 — the Oxford vaccine had "more than 20,000 volunteers in the UK and Brazil."

www.hpvvaccine.org.au/the-hpv-vaccine/how-was-it-tested.aspx — "Gardasil 9 was studied in more than 13,000 females and males before it was registered for use. The original HPV vaccine (Gardasil) was tested on more than 20,000 females in 33 countries and 4,000 males in 18 countries before it was approved for use."

These vaccines had the normal amount of testing. They were able to get it done quickly in part because they ran some stages of the process alongside other stages. Normally they don't do that, they do one bit at a time, because it's all very expensive, and if something fails when you're running several stages of the process side by side and you have to give up, you've wasted a lot of money on those concurrent processes. With Covid they took the risk of wasting a lot of money, in order to get it completed quicker.