AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

[Hfjshdhs]

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

[doublehalo]

@ChloeCrocodile

That is an unbelievably controlling thing to do. You and your children are very low risk. If your parents have been vaccinated they are low risk. If you don’t want to see them then don’t see them. But trying to bully people into medical treatment that they don’t want makes you a dick.

This.

You sound unhinged OP.

[Bellringer]

You are the parent, you decide. Keep to the rules. Vavvine is not 100per cent, esp against idiots. Stay safe.

[Viviennemary]

They are being foolish not having the vaccine. But looks like you are looking for an excuse th go no contact.

[ChasingRainbows19]

I’m not an anti vaxxer I’ve happily had mine as nhs staff (as had a very large uptake of my trust). However your inlaws are just as at risk from your kids giving covid to them tbh especially attending childcare settings where staff and kids won’t be vaccinated. Often asymptomatically.

However if you don’t like them or their theories don’t see them.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@Bellringer is her DH not a parent too? Doesn't he get a say in seeing his own mum and dad?

As an aside OP the kids won't thank you for keeping you away from the people they love because you decided to they don't deserve the choice of a vaccine

[MarieFromStTropez]

I would turn it round. Say you are concerned that one of your DC could catch Covid at school and pass it onto the PIL.

You don’t want your DC to be responsible for the death of their grandparents.

[peak2021]

YANBU and please stick to your guns. Incidentally, do their respective employers know about this- I hope they do so that their co-workers can keep as far apart from them as possible (and if there are post April 12 any social events, not invite them).

You might not be too unwell if you had Covid 19, but you would hate to pass it on to others.

[Robintakeover]

Can you hold off till you yourselves have been vaccinated ?

[WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]

@Soontobe60

The only people not having the vaccine will impact is the people not having the vaccine! There is not yet any evidence that people with the vaccine cannot transmit the disease. Your child is already in a nursery, so is the one most likely to bring Covid into the home. Your excuse of not wanting them to come in to your home because they won’t have the vaccine is just that, an excuse. At least be honest with yourself. What a shitty thing to do to your child who you say loves seeing them.

There is plenty of evidence to say the vaccine is massively reducing transmission.

[PinkiOcelot]

@TrickorTreacle just because someone is refusing this vaccine, does not make them anti vaxxers!! I’m not keen on this vaccine at all. I’m still very undecided. However, I have had all of my vaccines I have been required to have and my children are fully up to date with theirs. I’m not an anti vaxxer at all

OP has your DH had his childhood vaccinations?

[YoniAndGuy]

But remember that you don't like them for a good reason - they're unpleasantly controlling. Beware of letting your children grow too close to people like this and letting them in too much.

As your children grow older, your inlaws will either try and control them too, or try and manipulate their relationship with them to further control you and your family. Your daughter loves them? Hmm, not actually a great thing when it comes to controlling people who don't recognise or respect other's autonomy...

Keep some distance.

[Druidlookingidiot]

@Hfjshdhs

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

Your ILs are nuts. 100% you should stop them seeing your children. I wouldn't see them myself either.

[ktp100]

People who refuse the vaccine for reasons non-medical have made their beds, as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't tolerate a childhood vaccine anti vaxxer in my life and I certainly won't be mixing with those who refuse the Covid vaccine either.

It's their choice to not have it but it's YOUR choice whether to accept that being around your family.

It would be a firm no from me.

[DarthWeeder]

Have all the nursery workers had the vaccine?

Will you be asking for the vaccine status of all
of your friends and family once we can mix again, and refusing to see anyone that hasn’t been vaccinated?

If the answer to both of those questions is Yes then I think YANBU, but extreme over cautious. If no, then you’re clearly using it as an excuse to not see your in-laws.

[WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]

They're not nice to you, your DH has a crap relationship with them, your 3yo, is just that THREE. She's not a goid judge of character, why would you let her get close to people that treat you and DH badly??

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

I wonder, if a man came on to say he wanted his kids to stop seeing his wife's parents, would you all be saying "100% walk away" etc. Maybe the OP's DH is mute?

[NotFabulousDarling]

YANBU. You are not being controlling. You are not making them have a vaccine or telling them what to do. All freedom comes with freedom to accept the consequences, and in this case, your PILs are free to refuse the vaccine, but the indirect consequences are that they don't get to see DGC. Really the bigger issue here is whether you want their toxic conspiracies being shared with your DCs as they get older. I wouldn't. Children are very impressionable.

Lot of nasty PPs out tonight, I guess the anti-lockdown marches were cancelled for rain or something. Or maybe there's a lot of DGPs on here who have just realised the possible consequences of their anti-vax sentiments.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Lot of nasty PPs out tonight, I guess the anti-lockdown marches were cancelled for rain or something. Or maybe there's a lot of DGPs on here who have just realised the possible consequences of their anti-vax sentiments.

Oh don't be so melodramatic. People no agreeing with YOU doesn't mean any of those things, get a bloody grip 😂😂😂

[NotFabulousDarling]

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I wonder, if a man came on to say he wanted his kids to stop seeing his wife's parents, would you all be saying "100% walk away" etc. Maybe the OP's DH is mute?

Not sure what post you're reading but the comments I've seen have called the OP controlling, a "dick", people saying "this" to the last two, asking what her DH thinks (because of course she needs to run this past a Grown Up before thinking for herself and her kids)...
What post are you reading?

[NotFabulousDarling]

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Lot of nasty PPs out tonight, I guess the anti-lockdown marches were cancelled for rain or something. Or maybe there's a lot of DGPs on here who have just realised the possible consequences of their anti-vax sentiments.

Oh don't be so melodramatic. People no agreeing with YOU doesn't mean any of those things, get a bloody grip 😂😂😂

Thanks, I've got a box of grips, none of them are covered in blood. Would you care to offer some?

[oblada]

This is just an excuse not to see your IL. Just own up to your own decisions, don't use a vaccine as an excuse.

Plenty of people will be refusing this particular vaccine, for their own reasons, some others may understand and some others may not understand. It is completely and utterly unhinged to state that you will only see people who have had this particular vaccine. Do you check other vaccine or medical procedures? Do you only socialise with people with the same beliefs as you in everything? That's bonkers really.

[NigellaSeed]

Ya definitely nbu!!


Anti vaxxers are idiots. And they are making their own bed, they can lie in it.

Congrats your parents are jabbed

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Thanks, I've got a box of grips, none of them are covered in blood. Would you care to offer some?

Say what now blood, WTF

[coldwarenigma]

The ILs may be nuts but they are entitled to an opinion -even if its batshit
But the ILs are the ones at risk, the risk to the children is miniscule. It is hypocritical to then send DC to nursery, they are more likely to catch it there.
Admit it, you want to punish your DC for liking their GP when you don't.
Your choice but the DC may later in life choose to not want you to see their DC, how would you feel about that?

[turquoisewaters]

The 3 year old goes to nursery

Then your whole household is exposed to Covid anyway - irrespective of what your in-laws do