To feel off about boyfriend's idea of "success"

[Starbumb]

I am currently a nursery nurse and love my job, however I am a qualified teacher and although the nursery nurse pay isn't amazing, I adore my job.

Boyfriend and I had a debate in the car before about the idea of "success".

I said I'm very happy being a nursery nurse and I believe success is measured on happiness. He disagreed and said he'd be disappointed in me if I was still a nursery nurse in 10 years time when i'm 35 as I am a qualified teacher.

He believes money and ambition is the key to success.
I believe happiness is key to success.

I now feel off that if I did decide to stay as a nursery nurse that he'd be disappointed in me despite the job making me so happy.
Apparantly I am just a "glorifed babysitter".

Fuck him, how bloody rude! Totally agree with you, happiness is way more important than money or a posh job title 😡

I'm with you, but unfortunately the modern world seems to disagree. I am genuinely baffled why care-giving roles are paid so little but money managing roles are paid so much...it's such a shame that money is more important than people.

(I'm a nursery teacher too!)

No wonder you feel off. Trust that.

You are right.

@Iamclearlyamug I thought that too! Apparently being stressed but being on 100k a year is more successful than being happy and living a comfortable life but on 19k.

Also annoyed at the disregard to my job. Apparently "all" I do is wipe bums and tell children to "play nicely"

@tiredybear i said the same thing!! I said to him it's disgusting how little government pay to the care sector.
For example, TA's make pittance for what they do.
My aunty is on 14k a year and works in an SEN school as a TA and gets bit, hit and kicked. She should be on more.

Caring for the elderly is no piece of cake either but the pay is atrocious.

His response?
"Well they made the choice to not be ambitious"

I don't think it matters whether we agree with your measure of success, what matters is that you and your boyfriend have such different values and also he is making unpleasant remarks about a career he knows you enjoy. I think maybe this relationship might not work in the long term?

His attitude does not bode well for the future. Different outlooks can sometimes be worked on and it does tale effort on both part. However , calling you a "glorified babysitter" shows a complete lack of respect and disdain for what you do. He's already pegged you as lower than him, and that attitude will seep in other areas of your life/relationship.

Out of curiosity, is he a high earner or on the path of becoming one?

That comment about all you do in your job would annoy me more. You could both agree to disagree about your definition of success and be happy if the other finds their own definition of it but to disrespect you and assume he knows what you do without bothering to ask if unacceptable.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose his wage is just normal but yes he's on more than me.
I know my wage isn't amazing but I know i'm such a caring, nurturing person who gives my all to those children and I deem that a success.

Hmm, I think it depends (a bit) on whether you're happy with the lifestyle a nursery nurse's salary brings or whether you're expecting him to make up the difference.

What happens if you're both happy with that level of success? Could you, for example, have a family?

If you do decide to finish with him, make sure you say you are too ambitious relationship-wise to be stuck in such a dead-end one.

What is his job?

@Sorefret what do you mean could I have a family? Plenty of nursery nurses and teaching assistants have families?

There's nothing wrong with with your job. It's fab that you enjoy it! That's a lot more than many people can say. I'm guessing there's a good reason you left teaching ...

Your boyfriend however sounds like a graceless boor who needs to be heading off to Dumpsville.

Disappointed in you, is he? If he were my boyfriend he'd be disappointed about his imminent single status!

It doesn't sound like you're compatible (with a dickhead).

[quote Starbumb]@AccidentallyOnPurpose his wage is just normal but yes he's on more than me.
I know my wage isn't amazing but I know i'm such a caring, nurturing person who gives my all to those children and I deem that a success.[/quote]
I'd be weary staying in a long term relationship with this man or having children with him.
If you ever complain, if anything goes wrong you can bet he'll blame it on you,your "lack of ambition " etc.

Oh good grief. Money can't buy happiness, inner peace or job satisfaction (with the disclaimer that people being underpaid and unable to afford basics does rather mess with this philosophy).

Funny how people who rely on essential workers are so quick to dismiss them as useless and lacking in ambition. How many corporate couples would be able to do their jobs if there wasn't someone looking after their child for them?

At the end of the day, your job is essential to the country continuing to run. Bet his isn't.

I once got dumped because I wasn't ambitious enough.
Years later he spent some time at her majesties pleasure for his over ambition 😂.
I think that's karma. I would definitely view happiness and job satisfaction as far more important than a fancy job title.

What does he do for a living, and is he a graduate?

I think it's disrespectful of him and I am a teacher but so many leave due to burn out.
How long are you together? Is there a future with someine who already sees you as disappointing

@AnnieLobeseder i said to him
"Who do you think will be looking after our children whilst we work?

Him: Nursery. But you're more ambitous than to just stay as a nursery nurse hence why i'd be disappointed

He's in the building industry but he makes good money and has good networks so he's doing well I admit

I’m not sure I’d want to be on £19k for the rest of my working life, but that’s just because it would limit the non-work aspects of my life so much if you see what I mean. Holidays, things for the children, always worrying about money. I fully agree that nursery teachers should be paid much better than minimum wage - the ones in DS’s nursery all seem to leave to become nannies, and I don’t really blame them TBH.

You have a much bigger problem though, that your DP doesn’t respect what you do for a living, and apparently has no qualms about telling you that. He doesn’t seem to respect you very much as a person.

Do you want to stay with someone so disrespectful of your job?

You have different ideas of what success is and that’s fine as long as neither is trying to force the other one.

I’m a qualified teacher too and I could never be a nursery nurse! I take my hat off to you because EYFS scares the shit out of me. Give me pre-pubescent 9-11 year olds any day!