Am I too controlling with DCs free time?

[IheartSundays]

Am I being unrealistic (or too controlling) about what DC do in their free time? Eg on school days we have one video game day where we set the console up, have snacks, and they play until dinner time - whereas the 11 year old friends are allowed to play every day. I have verified this with the friends parents - who accept that whilst not ideal it's just modern life.

Likewise with TV it's not on all the time/whenever they like. DC were telling me at their dads it's great they get the remote control when they want and don't need permission which made me to wince to be honest and question just how controlling I am being.

I think some of the parents on here don't have kids who are truly addicted to their phones. I have to restrict DD's (11) time, because she has no control. She would literally not do anything else. It also effects her behaviour as well. A weekend with less time on the phone where she actually participates in family life is much better than the surly, argumentative behaviour at weekends where I've let her have unrestricted access.

Before I put the parenting app on to limit her usage, she was lying about doing her homework, failing exams because she wasn't studying. She was just constantly on her phone.
She likes drawing and games, but if it's a choice between that and the phone, she'll choose the phone. It's an addiction. Not all children can self regulate and it's not controlling, it's parenting to help them do so.

You were right. There's no way an unlimited smart phone (I'm assuming?) should be in the hands of an 11yo. How has this become the norm rather than absolute madness?! (Not aimed at you expat, I understand it is normal)

goodbyelenin I had an avid reader. She loved books. She used to ask to go to bed early so she could read a couple of years ago. Now she's not interested at all. It's all phone, phone, phone.

@marktayloruk

Homework should be voluntary. Would mothers tell their husbands they couldn't go out on a work night?

I don't tell DH when to go to bed, I tell DS. Should I stop telling DS when to go to bed? I don't make sure DH is up for work. Should I stop making sure DS is up?my husband isn't a child reliant on a parent for guidance, he IS a parent relied upon by a child for guidance

But reading is good for children, screens are not so it's not the same thing at all really.

You state that as though it's a simple fact, but it really isn't. Do you honestly believe that nothing on a screen can be educational or culturally enriching. And do you also believe that there is nothing positive or beneficial in just genuine enjoyment and entertainment? I find that really sad and also quite bizarre.

This has been really interesting reading. I have ds, 9,and dd, 7. Ds is neurodiverse and would literally spend every waking hour on Minecraft/watching it on YouTube if I let him. Including not eating or toileting because he gets so removed from his body. So I have to control his time on these things. But it's the bane of my life so now I've said one weekend day is unlimited - but I make him come for walks - and one day is no screens. If there is any screen time limit on the weekend then I just spend the whole time enforcing it. And I had enough of it affecting family life. Dd is just as into Minecraft but much more able to self regulate and will come help me cook, take herself off to do other things (then insist on her time just before bed to match her brother!) so it's not such a worry with her.

During the week it's an hour of free time but I've said no Minecraft because ds can't stop after this amount of time. And we have one weekday evening with no screens.

I do think we're a product of our upbringing and generation though - I question why I think TV is more acceptable than say YouTube, when the latter is basically TV for a lot of young people now. But people are paid millions to make computer games addictive, so I will continue to control access as I see necessary. I'm not looking forward to the age of mobile phones for my two...

@eteri please explain how 😆