AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

@AuntVictoria a child's stomach is in or around the size of their closed fist. Just so you know for portions

Oh, and - I cross posted with @BigGreen but totally agree with the point that an awful lot of fussy eating is pure luck, not good parenting. It really is. So don't beat yourself up!

He will often then sheepishly request to eat it after bath when he's got over being 4.

But presumably not in the dark in silence?! That's what's tipping it over for me, it's just not right.

@WaggishDancer we're out for hours every day at playgrounds or on walks, and we do a lot of activites at home (I'm on mat leave), so DS does get plenty of exercise. I think this is definitely a diet issue (as it is for me).

My dd was under 7lbs at birth and quickly zoomed up to the 99th centipede, she has never been overweight and is now a very tall slim teen.
He is too young for you to have this much e negative emphasis on when he is or isn’t hungry.
Wait until he is at school and comes home ravenous wanting a huge snack at 4pm when he is having dinner not long after!
My mum was similar and I grew up with an awful relationship with food.
And as for the ‘parents’ making their child eat cold left overs in silence in the dark..I have no words, if a child repeated that to me at work it would definitely be reported as a concern.

The only I can think is if the child is wanting the dinner as a classic bedtime delay tactic, in which case not turning on the light is more about maintaining the consistent message that its bedtime. Bright lights wake kids up a lot.

It is a bit weird though.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Yes the being in the dark is weird I grant you.

Not weird, fucking cruel and messed up.

I have memories of being fed my cold leftovers (cooked spinach in my case) and I threw up all down myself.

I'm 32 now and I still can't touch it.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The only I can think is if the child is wanting the dinner as a classic bedtime delay tactic, in which case not turning on the light is more about maintaining the consistent message that its bedtime. Bright lights wake kids up a lot.

It is a bit weird though.

It's a bit more than "a bit weird"

He's still so little. You've got years to worry about fussy eating habits.
Don't forget as adults we don't always fancy certain foods, so why do we expect little humans to be any different.

we have the same rule, what' s on the table is what is available. you are not hungry its fone not to eat, or eat a little, but there s nothing else, no milk, cereal, whatever.
leftovers are tomorrow' s lunch.
that being said, if he s overweight I dont see how making him eat is going to help, and going to bed hungry wont kill him.
I d change the things you offer for meals to healthier ones, very limited amounts of fruit, bread to be wholemeal, and the approach that if you r hungry you eat what is in front of you, if you do not then you r not hungry enough. obviously no biscuits etc

@PotatoesPastaAndBread are you going to come back and tell us you are taking the piss!! I hope so!! And if you are not then...Shame on you. What a strange and fucking horrendous parenting method you have yes she eats her dinner now...out of bloody fear I presume. And you'll be wondering why she has depression/anxiety/eating disorders when she's a teenager!

I agree with the majority of pps not to send him to bed hungry. Also I think bread and hummus is a pretty good thing to eat - I’m always glad that my fussy Ds will at least eat hummus (breadsticks preferred in his case).

I tend to give mine milk and an oaty bar at bedtime (with a good gap before teeth of course), and yoghurt is always a good option, although not in his room!

Centipede obv centile 😀

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

If that is true I seriously hope your DC tells someone and you are rightly reported to ss .That is horrible and abusive and poor child will highly develop an issue round food .

shop bought hummus is not always healthy, noone needs pudding after every dinner, and pp poster getting a lot of stick... come on, a slightly cold dinner is not going to scar her DD! it is about teaching that there is not a fully equipped kitchen fridge and cook ready to satisfy every whim

My OH a used to stay with an aunt sometimes when he was young . They had weetabix always for breakfast . If they did not eat it , it was bought out for every meal until they did it eat and nothing else offered . Even if they carried over to the next day

He has never forgotten the smell of soggy weetabix and warm milk .

He won’t even entertain eating it ever again .

But he does not have any other food hang ups or problems 😀

I think they had been through the war and just hated waste . I don’t think they thought they were being cruel .

At that age DS only ate toast and yoghurt for dinner, so I used to do his main meal at lunch- either fresh, or I'd just save some of whatever we had the night before. After a few weeks he wanted what we were having, and started eating a 'normal' meal in the evening. No idea why he would only eat that for a bit but we rolled with it, he was too young to get the concept of witholding food, and felt mean as he couldn't go and get something for himself.

OP I wouldn't worry too much about your 2yo's BMI tbh; but there's nothing wrong with making sure portions are appropriate. Many of us are guilty of eating portions that are too large.

I wouldn't personally send any child to bed hungry; but is he actually hungry? If he eats well during the day then maybe in the evening he is just tired and grumpy and doesn't want anything different, just what he loves. Surely we all know the comfort of an evening slice of buttered toast or bowl of familiar cereal?

In my house fruit, cereal, toast, salad are always there to be eaten. My dc have gone through phases of fussiness but there is usually a reason and it passes. Some good ideas here about offering hummus and other things to dip into it (maybe things you know he will eat like any salad bits, raw carrots or cheese?) as dinner. Alongside what you are having if possible.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread that is really really horrible. Do you really do that? Eating in silence and in the dark some food from earlier? How awful, really feel for your poor DD. How old is she? Please rethink that.

OP I wouldn't worry too much about your 2yo's BMI tbh; but there's nothing wrong with making sure portions are appropriate. Many of us are guilty of eating portions that are too large.

I wouldn't personally send any child to bed hungry; but is he actually hungry? If he eats well during the day then maybe in the evening he is just tired and grumpy and doesn't want anything different, just what he loves. Surely we all know the comfort of an evening slice of buttered toast or bowl of familiar cereal?

In my house fruit, cereal, toast, salad are always there to be eaten. My dc have gone through phases of fussiness but there is usually a reason and it passes. Some good ideas here about offering hummus and other things to dip into it (maybe things you know he will eat like any salad bits, raw carrots or cheese?) as dinner. Alongside what you are having if possible.

@PotatoesPastaandBread that is really really horrible. Do you really do that? Eating in silence and in the dark some food from earlier? How awful, really feel for your poor DD. How old is she? Please rethink that.

I have a very stubborn fussy eater (and one who shovels in pretty much anything put in front of him and declares it his favourite).

He just doesn't eat if it's a dinner he doesn't like. Butting heads with him over it doesn't help at all, I just have to wait for him to come round to things. I understand this - as a child I couldn't stand mixed together flavours like pizza or lasagna or whatever either, so I do have something else he can eat (DS1 and I had duck pancakes, DS2 had some spicy chicken from the fridge tonight for example). He slowly adds and removes things from the entirely self-imposed list in his head, and there's just no point trying to force it.

and at 2, I absolutely wouldn't. I'd just make sure there's something he likes at every dinner, a couple more things, and either ignore or if he's in a good mood gently encourage, no point battling it. I wouldn't send a 2 year old to bed hungry (not least because mine would have woken up in the night and come to find me with massively rumbling tummies if I did)

@offyougo
Did you read the post properly?
Her daughter is given her left over dinner and eats in the dark, in silence, in her bedroom.
Can you defend that ?

He’s way too young to be punished using hunger. I don’t actually think that’s ever appropriate for a child.

Dinner or nothing is cruel and unnecessary. And it’ll cause anguish. Dh is a bully and it’s not a good trait that he’s so inflexible to a child
Don’t make food a battle ground or weaponise what he eats

Why in the dark in silence? WTF is the intention behind that? poor child

OP your chld is really a baby still , so withholding food is cruel and potentially damaging