AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

My DS is a little older (3) and always been amazing with food, but has started doing this recently. We tried the “no dinner then go to bed hungry approach” but he’d wake in the night starving and crying. Which was not acceptable because 1), he was so hungry he was upset, and 2) he’s only just started sleeping well so are we shit rocking that boat

I brought dinner time forward for him to 4/half 4 so he’s not super hungry for it and we’ve found he’ll eat a bit more than if it’s later. He also has a small cup of milk and can have a piece of whole meal toast/porridge just before bed if he hasn’t eaten anything.

He’s still rubbish at trying his dinner atm but I’m putting it down to it being a phase and continuing to offer a range of food. The kid used to refuse mash or cauliflower like we were trying to poison him, then one day he just started eating it - so he will get there

DS is quite a similar eater... And only likes to eat what he has decided he likes...
Example is he loves grapes, strawberries and raisins... Will not touch other fruit so we have gradually added others alongside... Its only been a few weeks but he will now at least pick up, look at and have a taste of other things.

Agree with posters who said try new foods at meals where he is better trying things and less chance of being tired.

At the moment mine eat around 5pm. If he hasn't ate a lot for tea, I offer supper as he enjoys wholemeal toast, cheese muffin or teacake.

Going to bed hungry just means a sleepless night for me to be honest

Another point on the humous - has he tried different flavours of it? If he likes the texture of it, it might be a good way of introducing some new flavours - you can get garlic, red onion, sundried tomato, sweet chilli etc.

But if dinner is refused then at bedtime "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom

How can you actually think this is OK?

I would never send a child of mine to bed hungry, under any circumstances. Many kids are fussy with food, I was, and one of my children was, I fed my child what he would eat. He’s nearly 20 now and eats most things. You need to pick your battles and food shouldn’t be one IMHO.

Op I doubt that your child is overweight from eating bread and hummus.

It is really hard when you have a fussy child and it is a worry, but please don't make this into a huge battle, he's only a baby really. Just offer balanced meals alongside a little something you know he will eat.

Honestly, as someone who had one very fussy child and one who will eat anything, I wish I hadn't worried so much. All these mealtime battles just make everyone miserable.

As for the poster who gives their dc their cold dinner to eat, it never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be to their own children in order to 'teach' them.

Ime you get a lot further teaching them kindness and compassion and treating them like human beings not like a fucking stray dog.

I don't think I've ever 'sent a child to bed hungry', especially at the age of 2. I think that's cruel to be honest.
Mine have always had a bit of supper if they wanted, usually toast.

The less of an issue you make of it the better. Act like you don't mind how much of their dinner they eat, what they try etc, it takes all the anxiety out if it I found, and then they usually came round and tried it.

I remember my son getting anxious that if he tried something and didn't like it, 'it would be wasted'. I used to tell him not to worry, if he didn't like it me or his dad would eat it, no problem. Seemed to take the anxiety out of it all for him, and he gave it a go.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Fucking hell. You're a horrible parent (and human being in general).

I think try to find and develop a middle ground. It’s important he develops a taste for vegetables which are far and away the healthiest food type. He’s young but he’s not a baby and it sounds like his weight could develop into a problem. Present him a choice of two/three vegetables, maybe let him help wash them and even cut them with your help. Get him involved.

I wouldn't have an issue not offering an alternative to dinner if my children don't want the dinner offered. It's a household not a restaurant.
What we try to do at every meal though is mix up things we know they like and things we want them to try/eat. If they choose to eat very little that's fine, they're not going to be starving - there are a few meals in the day and various opportunities to eat during the day. I certainly wouldn't be offering another dinner after dinner has been refused or give my children exactly what they want day after day.
So if your child has eaten well during the day overall but then refuses the dinner I wouldn't be that bothered tbh. Some days I would offer bread and humus and some days I'd offer something else.

Even at 10 and 12 I wouldn’t send a child to bed hungry - pre bed peanut butter sandwich or weetabix in this house

Does he eat a lot of sweets, crisps and stuff? They can creep in without you realising. If you cut out unhealthy snacks he might be a bit more inclined to eat more at dinner. But yes I'd give him what he eats and if he's hungry before bed then a banana or slice of toast.

I think it is awful to send a little child to bed hungry.
Nearly welling up with tears.

What does your DS eat the rest of the day OP?

Is he actually hungry at dinner time or just choosing to eat bread and houmous as he enjoys the taste?

@PotatoesPastaAndBread
Hopefully the replies to your post will make you think.

I’d offer a bit of bread with the rest of the dinner so he knows there’s something he likes. My 2yo often eats very little for dinner. Both of mine have generally eaten well for 2 meals of the day and picked the third. He might not actually be that hungry if he’s not eating anything so I wouldn’t necessarily offer a separate supper later.

Don’t ever start battles over food. And definitely don’t send a toddler to bed hungry.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Please don’t do this to your child

OP - wouldn’t send my 2.5 year old to bed without dinner. Mine eats everything at dinner at 4:50pm, then has a snack again at 5:50pm (after bath and just before brushing his teeth). They’re growing. You could always make the snack something like yoghurt, nuts or cheese if you want to vary the hummus and bread.

Horrified by the PP saying her DD eats leftovers in the dark and silence. How very sad and shockingly cruel!!! 😠

Given he’s overweight, I think it’s reasonable. I wouldn’t phrase it as some sort of punishment for not eating his dinner, though. Just tell him the doctor/hv has says it’s not healthy to have a snack before bed, so you aren’t going to that any more and stick to it. The remind him at dinner that he there’s no before bed snack anymore.

I might also try moving dinner later if he’s not eating much when you currently serve it.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Are you serious?!

Mother of 5 here, - all grown up. Went through phases like this with DS1 when he was 2.
I had to buy nothing but sausage rolls for months,then it was turkey dinosaurs
Couldn't understand it as he was weaned on home cooked food. He grew out of it , Time passes and nothing lasts forever is my philosophy.
But I never left him hungry and he still was offered what we were having first.
He's now 28 and ever since that phase at 2 yrs old has tried most foods and isn't picky at all .

Like others suggested, I’d probably try serving the hummus and bread on the plate with the rest of the dinner for a bit. My daughter is 2 and generally a good eater, but I find she’s often more willing to try other food/eat more when her favourites are on the plate too.

Thanks for everyone's comments. Personally I also also balk at sending a small child to bed hungry - but we have clearly gone wrong somewhere as DS is overweight, so wanted others opinions.

To PP, yes, DH and I have a BMI of 28 so are overweight plus I still have ten pounds of baby weight to lose even though DD is 7 months. We are taking this opportunity to overhaul all of our diets - personally portion control is my main issue and I think I have been giving DS too big portions too. I am conscious that I really want to create healthy habits for DS and DD now.