AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

WTF is the intention behind that? poor child

Presumably to teach her a lesson.
Her parents are abusive fuckers.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Cold dinner, in the dark, in silence. Sounds harsh because it is harsh. How can she even see to eat?

@offyougo

shop bought hummus is not always healthy, noone needs pudding after every dinner, and pp poster getting a lot of stick... come on, a slightly cold dinner is not going to scar her DD! it is about teaching that there is not a fully equipped kitchen fridge and cook ready to satisfy every whim

Talking about missing the point

With my kids if they don't eat there dinner then they don't get a ice cream or yogurt no way would i make them eat it in the dark or in silence that is just so wrong on so many levels. Yes we all parent differently but that is so cruel. I have a 2 year old just now and its just a stage she is going through its a battle but it won't always be like that...

@FoxyTheFox that’s some of the most sensible food related advice I’ve ever seen on mumsnet

I would never send my children to bed hungry. It's setting them up for a lifetime of food issues.

Don't worry too much. Just give him small portions of stuff he likes, if he still doesn't eat then he is not hungry and will be fine. All of mine had a phase like that, the jet is not to make a big deal of it.

Key, even.

In response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around, if they're genuinely hungry and need to eat. So that they don't
go to bed hungry, but it's basically such a boring procedure they give up on it eventually. Sounds fine to me!

DS2 was a terrible eater at tea time when he was little. It was because he was too tired. He always ate a really good breakfast and lunch, and had warm milk and a banana before bed so I wasn’t too bothered about it tbh. Life is far too short to be arguing over food.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread you should be ashamed. Your dd is a toddler (yes I did AS because I couldn’t believe anyone would be so cruel) yet you’re making her eat a meal in the dark, alone. She’s not in prison, she’s at her home where she’s supposed to feel loved and secure. Please stop doing this to her. It’s beyond awful.

I’ve worked with many children, had my own and now have grandchildren and believe me when I say this is a fase. He is still really small and will grow out of it. The more you make of it the worse it will get. Keep introducing new foods now and again but don’t make a big deal around food. About his weight... I would look at how much milk he is drinking, you would be surprised at how many people forget to reduce the milk when weaning. Don’t over think it 😊

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Jesus, how old is your child?

[quote AuntVictoria]@foxythefox that is so helpful, thank you.

DS will usually have weetabix with whole milk (switched to semi) and a banana for breakfast, marmite on toast or a cheese sandwich for lunch with a pear / orange / similar, strawberries grapes and raspberries when he wakes from his nap. He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. He doesn't have snacks or treats at home but I have to admit they have been on the increase when out, not every day but too often - usually rice cakes or dried fruit, but sometimes an ice cream or toddler crisps. Overall the snacks definitely tip us into too much food.[/quote]
Weetabix, a sandwich and some fruit sounds fine. What does he have as an evening meal? Could you research portion sizes of a child his age and height?

Food should not be used as a weapon/bargaining tool.
You may be setting yourself and your child up for an unhealthy future relationship with food.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

I really, really hope this isn't true. Beyond awful if it is.

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down.

Fuck sake. The fact you actually joke about it too. That is disgusting. I feel so sorry for your child

@JovialNickname

In response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around, if they're genuinely hungry and need to eat. So that they don't go to bed hungry, but it's basically such a boring procedure they give up on it eventually. Sounds fine to me!

Of course food is cold after an hour. And she didn’t say ‘dim bedroom light’, she said ‘in the dark’. So you can put your own spin on it, but she explicitly said ‘in the dark’.

@Thedogscollar

Food should not be used as a weapon/bargaining tool. You may be setting yourself and your child up for an unhealthy future relationship with food.

Absolutely agree Don’t weaponise food or make it a thing to be used as a punishment

@PotatoesPastaAndBread I hope your DC doesn’t develop an eating disorder and negative feelings towards food. Having to eat her dinner in her dark bedroom??

I'm shocked and saddened by the many recent posts about babies. Expecting far too much of them, whether just sleeping, eating, playing. Why are these parents so out of touch with their own children and what to expect of them?! Why is this becoming a constant thing? Poor children.

response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around
Your summary is not what was wrote. You've rewrite the scenario with no facts.
Food is cold an hour after it is served.
That poster didn't say dim room she said the dark.
Where are you getting this information from?

Might it be that he's just not hungry because he's eaten so much through the day? Either that or he's just too tired to want to eat much in the evening?
I'd try making lunch his main meal and see if that makes a difference, then it doesn't matter if he just wants a snacky dinner.

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down

That is disgusting and also it's abuse! She'll grow up to resent you. If she speaks to you still. Poor girl.

@JovialNickname

In response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around, if they're genuinely hungry and need to eat. So that they don't go to bed hungry, but it's basically such a boring procedure they give up on it eventually. Sounds fine to me!

It's not "fine" to force a child to eat "In in the dark in silence in her bedroom" It's cruel.

I would personally not make a big deal of it.
Putting child to bed who says they are hungry return child to table in silence, serve food, while reading or otherwise not really engaging with child - straight to bed afterwards with no real engagement. They'd soon get bored if it was delay tactics.

I used to be an awful eater when I was little apparently. One of the few memories of my late father is him telling me that he would tie me up in a chair and force feed me if I didn’t eat.
I am now almost 57 years old and my father has been dead for 29 years but part of me hates him for terrifying me and I have never forgiven him.
Please offer your children a variety of foods and let them choose for themselves, it’s such a dangerous road to travel when we make it a big issue.