AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

Thanks all! Just to clarify he is classed a 'very overweight' according to the NHS BMI tool, he is average height. He has always been 91st + for weight and 50th for height, since he was a baby and ebf. I thought it would level out once he started walking at 18 months, and he looks slimmer to me, but obviously we need to take steps to address this now.

YABVU

Please don't make an issue out of food. Some of my earliest memories are sitting in front of a plate of food I really didn't want and being told I had to eat it. And being told I couldn't eat between meals. I've never had a healthy relationship with food.

Imagine as an adult if someone told you what you had to eat and when.

Ffs he's 2 OP, 2! Yabu and the bigger deal that is made the fussier he will be. Ignore it and just put different things on his plate along with the things he likes and the let him eat what he wants.

To answer the question, I think a snack-type tea is fine at that age. If he likes bread and humous, could you try adding a few other things to dip (carrot batons, cucumber, peppers, cold meats) and some other dips? It might encourage him to eat a bit more variety.

I often had evening meals like that instead of a full dinner.

I think you are setting him up for a lifetime of food issues.

Are you/DH overweight? Nearly always an overweight child has overweight parents. You are clearly worried enough about this idea to ask for advice on here so I would suggest you chat to your HV and see if they feel it’s worth going further with a dietician.

Also just came to say f* me to this!

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

This has to be some kind of mad joke?! This is barbaric. Imagine if someone else did this to your child? Or to a vulnerable person? Would you think that was okay? Would it be okay if care staff did this to, for example, your parent, in a care home? Children are human beings. This is grim.

Oh sorry, above comment was @PotatoesPastaAndBread

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

How old is your DD?

It's really not an idea way to be treating a child, especially not a very small one. Consider asking her before bed time if she wants something to eat (depends what you've had for dinner, but lots of meals would be pretty horrible cold, how about toast or something instead? At the table, before she goes up to bed?

You really do risk giving her an eating disorder doing what you're doing.

I'd be concerned that a) he'll wake up in the night hungry which helps noone b)he starts using food as a control/power play more and you get more issues. My son is 2 and a half as well and has started being more fussy. We usually serve veggies we know he will eat like raw peppers, cucumber, carrots at dinner to get him interested in the meal and then serve up whatever we eat, tonight it was curry and he ate it but yesterday was pasta with roasted veg sauce and he wouldn't. We all eat together and encourage him by trying to make it fun i.e. daddy trying to steal your dinner or making funny faces when eating etc. If he doesn't eat it then we always offer plain Greek yoghurt with vitamins in after so at least he's had some protein and nutrients. It's probably a phase so I would try to ride it out. I also agree with the PP who said that at 2.5 they don't understand consequences in that way, he won't link not eating his dinner with why he is hungry later

I wouldn't send any of my children to bed hungry. I'm currently having this fun with my second fussy toddler so I know how frustrating it can be. My first I know I handled it all wrong looking back and made a huge drama out of it. I'm trying to be less stressed about it this time.

It is really quite common at this age, I see it a lot in my job (work with children). Lots of them go through it and the vast majority grow out of it. Making it a battle or a punishment isn't the recommended way. It sounds like there is a good range of food eaten over all which is fab. I'd just continue to introduce things here and there alongside acceptable foods and not make a big deal out of it if poss. We always offer toast/weetabix/banana etc for supper but try not to give alternatives at meal times. I don't want my children to think they can hold out for something better! It seems to be working, for now!

It might be better to try the new foods at his midday meal when he's got a bit more energy, and make the evening meal more of a lighter meal, the humous and bread is not so far off a sandwich.

You could save him a little portion of your evening meal to heat up for his lunch the next day.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

This type of abuse is partly why I developed an eating disorder.

Bloody hell I would expect ss involvement to the certain poster if the dc tell a teacher about this abuse..

Reduce one piece from every meal if it is a slice of bread or half the amount of humous he eats in a setting.
Don't give it obvious attention.

Haha sounds harsh written down
That's because it is harsh and a disgusting thing to do to your child.

No I would never send a child to bed hungry. Always include something they will eat even if you put some humous and bread on the side of every meal.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Holy shit I hope this is a joke !

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Jesus.

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time
It not only sounds harsh it is horrible cruel and unnecessary.
What are you thinking?

@AuntVictoria

Thanks all! Just to clarify he is classed a 'very overweight' according to the NHS BMI tool, he is average height. He has always been 91st + for weight and 50th for height, since he was a baby and ebf. I thought it would level out once he started walking at 18 months, and he looks slimmer to me, but obviously we need to take steps to address this now.

I still wouldn't be too rigorous about this. He's very, very young, seems to have a healthy diet and the dangers of making an issue out of food/its limitation are at this stage, I think, the greater concern.

Op your ds is tiny.
Just let him eat bread and humous.
Mine often ate a good breakfast and lunch and picked at or face planted their dinner when tired.
Dont start battles over food.

@AuntVictoria

Agree with PP. It’s highly unlikely your child will live his whole life eating bread and hummus for dinner. Just let him have that, given that it’s not unhealthy food. I’d add in some veg etc. If you don’t already, you could make the hummus. There are ways to keep the door open to more variety but if it were me I would focus on meals where he’s more open to experimentation like lunch or snacks. Then later down the line you might be eating something that he eats for lunch for your tea, and he might try some. I just wouldn’t make such a big deal of it, especially at this age and when he’s tired at the end of the day.

Also my dd is very motivated by sweet things! So this plate has worked really well to reintroduce some foods she'd started to turn down that we knew she'd previously enjoyed.

We just go by the 'if you don't eat a decent amount at dinner you don't get pudding' rule. They normally eat it eventually. They always have fruit at bedtime regardless. My kids are quite skinny though.

Could you not offer something else other than the bread and humus that might be a bit calorific?

(As an aside, I wish mine would eat hummus. It's really nutritious. Sadly, none of them will)