AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

Very good post @OlympicProcrastinator- absolutely agree with all you have said. I was also surprised at the amount of food they serve at nursery, especially as they don't go for long walks, do loads of running around outside etc. I stopped doing breakfast before he went, as although it felt mean he was hungry first thing, he would always eat a second and his appetite on non nursery days was rising beyond just getting hungrier as he grows up naturally. When he comes home he just has yoghurt and fruit or some toast now, as he isn't really hungry.

@OlympicProcrastinator has it exactly right.

If he's not actually hungry then don't let dinner time become a battle ground... If you're hungry you eat if you're not you don't. If I can see that the child has had a good go but is really not enjoying it (usually sausage casserole that gets this treatment) then they can have a slice of peanut butter toast.

If kid is having breakfast, lunch, 2 snacks and 1 or 2 milks a day (what my 2.5 y o gets!) then I can see why dinner is a lighter meal.

Have a look at portion sizes too. I found mealtimes went a lot better when the kids were presented with a small plate of food they could manage rather than a too-large, intimidating dinner.

I second the treasure hunt plate, its amazing, but instead of a sweet treat I put a chewable vitamin at the end.

I agree @OlympicProcrastinator. My 3yo is perfectly capable of telling me if he's hungry and occasionally he'll get some toast and milk just before bedtime if he says he's still hungry. I really don't see why it's an issue or why he should have to eat his congealed dinner from earlier.

I think some parents need to relax more around food.

I have three kids and one is autistic and extremely particular. For example his chips have to be cooked to an exact shade/firmness. He used to eat pizza until I served a different brand and then refused to eat it again for two years.

I just stay relaxed about it and let him lead, just like I have my other two kids.

All three are lovely and slim, sit at the dinner table to eat, ask before they have a snack and get excited when I cook a special meal.

I wouldn’t worry about some bread and hummus after dinner, it sounds quite healthy. I would probably just serve it alongside the dinner or as a supper just before bed with some crudités. My little one gets a bowl of porridge after dinner.
His lunch is lacking in veg though. I would serve a smaller sandwich and two portions of veg with his lunch. I also wouldn’t serve fruit with lunch as he is already getting a portion at breakfast and snack time.

DD at same age ate very little, refused to eat if she saw us glance at her eating, and was worrying us so much. The health visitor weighed her, looked concerned, and said "I don't often suggest this, and it may sound odd, but try letting her eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants - even if it's cake for breakfast, or biscuits any time of day..." We did this, and for a few days she ate everything she wanted to eat, at all times of the day. By the end of the week she was getting bored with it, and within a few days, she was eating normal meals, and we never looked back. People were amazed when I told them, but it worked!

YABU. Toddlers go through a very fussy phase. It's biological. Some people believe it's linked to the fact that at that age they could - just - survive without a parent figure, so they become very wary of food as a limited diet is less likely to kill them than an adventurous palate.

So long as he eats from all three major food groups at each meal, he's fine. Wholewheat bread, humous, sliced fruit and a glass of milk is a very good balanced meal.

I agree with your husband. If DS is hungry, he'll eat dinner. I don't offer alternatives/late snacks to my DC.

"Wholewheat bread, humous, sliced fruit and a glass of milk is a very good balanced meal."

It may be a balanced meal, but it isn't a balanced diet if he is having this same thing every day.

Agree, I only push for veggies etc if I can see ds is hungry enough to eat the pasta and bread. My ds always comes home ravenous from nursery. If he doesn’t want much dinner though I’m happy for him to go to bed without much as I do think they get a lot at nursery. I always ask is he hungry before bed and then top up with cereal if answer is yes.

Ps That person who let their dd eat in the dark (now deleted) was a police office! Just had a nose this morning

My wee boys 18 months nearly and is 3 stone and very tall if he doesn't eat his dinner I make sure he has supper as could never send any my kids to bed hungry

I wouldn’t worry about some bread and hummus after dinner

The bread and hummus is his dinner.

@AuntVictoria

Thanks all! Just to clarify he is classed a 'very overweight' according to the NHS BMI tool, he is average height. He has always been 91st + for weight and 50th for height, since he was a baby and ebf. I thought it would level out once he started walking at 18 months, and he looks slimmer to me, but obviously we need to take steps to address this now.

Haven't had time to read the full thread, sorry. Toddlers are often a bit worn out and fussy at bedtime. They are far more receptive to a big meal at lunchtime and nurseries are set up like this. Do a main healthy meal at lunchtime if you can, preferably eating with him, and a toddler "tea". Picky bits.

@Dtoilel

Fun is for grandma. Dd never had shit. But when she went to grandma, she was fed pure shite such as icecream etc. I never got to be Grandma. I'm her Mum.

Milk isn't shit though. Are you saying that up until the age when they could buy their own your child never had a dessert that wasn't plain yoghurt or fruit, never ate a single chip, never had a glass of got chocolate or milkshake or a cookie? I mean fair enough, but that isn't teaching them what a balanced diet is

@Dtoilel

There isn't an age when milk isn't allowed

Well I don't drink 4 bottles a day personally, so yes there is. Milk is for infants as it's easy for them to digest but once they start eating food, they shouldn't be on milk (formula or breast?) also. I'm pretty sure that dietician recommended only water. Fruit juice (small glass) maybe in the morning with breakfast, but not formula all day. Formula is designed to provide your full calories (when you're a baby). It shouldn't really be used in addition to food.

As PP have pointed out, milk doesn't mean formula is breast milk necessary. Cow's milk, soya milk, oat milk, goat milk... It also isn't necessarily in a bottle.

Children at schools are given free milk in KS1 (up to age 7) because it's considered a beneficial addition to their diet. And FYI, breast milk is also fine for toddlers and even young children.

*formula or breast milk, not is...

*Necessarily not necessary

🤦

I don't have much to add, although I agree with omitting snacks when out and about, as that is doubtlessly adding up to "unseen" calories and making it harder to work out how much they've eaten through the day.

I'd suggest encouraging your child to taste each foodstuff at every meal - one teaspoonful or, if they don't want to eat it, just licking the foodstuff. The weaning advice I followed was that each new foodstuff must be "tried" about 20 times before you can determine a child definitely doesn't like it. Also, keep an eye on hydration levels; thirst feels similar to hunger.

@IHateBuyingHouses. Yes v good point re breast milk, I'm assuming Dtoilel is not an advocate of extended breastfeeding then. I know a fair number of kids bf beyond this age

We’ve always done dinner as the last thing before bed, so no after dinner snacks but I’d also feel bad sending kids to bed hungry. My kids eat really well and widely and I think that’s partly just good luck, and maybe also because we never made a battle out of food. We sit and eat family meals and model eating them. If they don’t like it but tried it that’s fair enough. I do make accommodations like making curry or chilli less spicy.
How are meal times generally? They sound like maybe they have got a bit stressful. If you know he likes bread, then would he eat egg and soldiers (with bread and veg as dippers)? Maybe try to diversify slowly and make it fun.

[quote Meatshake]@OlympicProcrastinator has it exactly right.

If he's not actually hungry then don't let dinner time become a battle ground... If you're hungry you eat if you're not you don't. If I can see that the child has had a good go but is really not enjoying it (usually sausage casserole that gets this treatment) then they can have a slice of peanut butter toast.

If kid is having breakfast, lunch, 2 snacks and 1 or 2 milks a day (what my 2.5 y o gets!) then I can see why dinner is a lighter meal.

Have a look at portion sizes too. I found mealtimes went a lot better when the kids were presented with a small plate of food they could manage rather than a too-large, intimidating dinner.[/quote]
Would also agree with this

I had one very adventurous eater and one who is a little fussier (although he’s way better than I was as a child!) I wouldn’t send a child to bed hungry, but I have also always made sure that what they have at bedtime is not too much of a ‘reward’.

Don’t make food a battleground - most of my fussiness was (and still is) sensory, but as I grew older there was definitely some stubbornness too. We have always tried to have some food that they like, even if I know the rest is something I know they don’t really like. Now the fussier one is 7, that includes e.g. prawn crackers with stir fry, because then he can scoop up the veg with the crackers to make it more palatable and he never eats as much, but he’s being exposed to a range of textures and flavours.

My main suggestion generally is to cut back on the fruit. This article is a useful guide to how much fruit children should eat at different ages www.healthystartnutrition.com.au/blog/2016/11/7/how-much-fruit-should-my-child-be-eating and you can see that a 2 year old should have 1 banana or equivalent a day. This is a lot less than most people give, because we have this idea that fruit is healthy. Obviously, it’s healthier than crisps or sweets, but it’s still a lot of sugar and it adds up through the day. If your 2 year old is average height, then he shouldn’t be eating 3 (?) servings of fruit a day. You might find that if you reduce it he’ll be hungrier for dinner too. Half a banana at breakfast, plus half a portion of berries later, for example - and then swap in some veg. Mine really like carrots (still as much sugar as strawberries per 100g, but more nutritious in other ways, especially dietary fibre which fills their tummies up more so they eat less overall). More protein - which I know you mentioned - would also be good alongside fruit or veg as snacks e.g. cheese or I used to make little scotch pancakes (1 cup milk, 1 cup self-raising flour, 1 egg makes a good batch that you can store in the fridge or freeze). Add in a little fruit purée instead of refined sugar or sometimes I’d make them savoury and add a bit of grated cheese. They were an easy snack and provided some protein.

Good luck with it all, it’s so hard, but he’s a lucky boy because you obviously care about giving him the best start you can.

You say he doesn't have treats but eats strawberries, raspberries, grapes when he wakes up! What do you think they are if not treats? Have a look at how much sugar is in fruit.

Berries are very low in sugar compared to almost all other fruits. I really don’t think anyone became overweight from eating too many strawberries...

You're setting him up for a lifetime of a lot of issues around food tbh. He's so young he doesn't even understand yet, this is so unreasonable I can't even believe it's the done thing in some houses