AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Poster who makes children eat in silence in the dark needs a visit from Social Services. It's Child abuse

Indeed.

That post was very upsetting 😐 who would do that to a child

I would save some dinner and keep reoffering that

I'm really upset for the poster's little girl who has to eat a cold dinner alone, in silence in the dark. What in hell? Poster, if you're still reading, please stop doing this to her. It's cruel, it's abusive and it's going to fuck her up. I don't mean that in a bad way, I hope that you only have good intentions, but believe me when I tell you that it's wrong.

No child should ever go to bed hungry. Please don't send him to bed hungry. Bread and hummus is pretty healthy and it isn't like you're forcing Turkey Twizzlers and deep fried Mars Bars down him.

My DB was categorised as being obese when he was little. And to be fair he was pretty overweight as a kid. He says that he just always felt hungry. My DM had to take him to weight clinics at the hospital, which made no difference whatsoever. They forecast when he was 10 that he would weigh about 30 stone when he hit 21. But! Then puberty hit and he grew to over 6 and a half feet tall at aged 15 and all the excess weight dropped off. He's still tall and slim now aged 50.

And PotatoesPastaAndBread I sincerely hope someone on here recognises you and alerts Social Services. What you are doing is abusive and utterly disgusting. I'd like to think you were joking but I doubt it. What a miserable life your DD must have eating left overs that she hates silently in the dark. You don't deserve to call yourself a Mother if you treat her like that. Give yourself a shake and check out the Stately Homes thread. Carry on like this and you will find your DD going no contact with you as soon as she is old enough. And nobody on this thread, or the SH thread, would blame her.

Surely it's counterproductive sending a 2 year old to bed hungry? Because they won't sleep and will just call out for you anyway?

I remember when my DS had a really bad vomiting bug and he wouldn't eat anything but a little bit of toast or banana for around three days. On the day he started getting better, he woke up at 3am in the morning, absolutely ravenous, and ended up having a huge plate of cheese and oatcakes and some malt loaf in our bed while watching Peppa Pig. Then went back to sleep until 10am (hasn't done that since!). I think it's fair only to offer very plain food after dinner but, unless you're planning to scare your child so much that they'll lie awake in bed hungry and not call out for you, why bother? Why not just feed them?

@Cocopogo

I would save some dinner and keep reoffering that

Disagree. Variety is the spice of life. Variety should be offered throughout the day and during the week. Some days they'll eat loads, some days they'll eat f all. They seem to sort of self regulate.

@Dtoilel

I'm really upset for the poster's little girl who has to eat a cold dinner alone, in silence in the dark. What in hell? Poster, if you're still reading, please stop doing this to her. It's cruel, it's abusive and it's going to fuck her up. I don't mean that in a bad way, I hope that you only have good intentions, but believe me when I tell you that it's wrong.

What the hell??? This poster needs to be reported to SS.

There's a wonderful book with a rubbish title - Getting The Little Blighters to Eat. It really helped me with my little fussy eater when she was about the same age as yours.

The approach they suggest also totally took the stress away for me too - they suggest offering dinner, but with absolutely no pressure. If they don't eat it, there's nothing else, but it can stay on the table or be reheated another time. But you also just keep it light and offer it with no pressure - it lets the child be in control of the 'take it or leave it' question, while also taking the stress of the parent as you don't feel you have to make them eat it.

I also ended up changing some of our food choices and have a lot of 'hidden vegetable' dishes on our menu! For example I make little potato bites with spinach in them, add vast quantities of finely grated carrot to our tomato pasta sauce, and add eggs to rice to make it 'eggy rice' with a splash of soysauce - a great way to hide protein in the carbs!

@Dtoilel

I'm really upset for the poster's little girl who has to eat a cold dinner alone, in silence in the dark. What in hell? Poster, if you're still reading, please stop doing this to her. It's cruel, it's abusive and it's going to fuck her up. I don't mean that in a bad way, I hope that you only have good intentions, but believe me when I tell you that it's wrong.

I see how this sounds like a punishment for not eating her dinner, but I read it as a way to keep things calm at bed time but make sure she didn't go to bed hungry rather than allowing it to become a way to turn bedtime into a bit of a circus and prolong it every evening.

Also YY to the ground almonds in porridge and crumble! We also do a basil pesto which is made of basil and cashew nuts (softened in hot water for 15 minutes before) and blended to a paste. Really nice.

Eggs in an omelette also a great lunch idea. Typically I put 3 eggs, a dash of milk, chopped up ham, grated cheddar, spring onions and chopped up tomato. Really tasty and not terribly calorific. Don't give him big portions and 20 minutes over a meal is sufficient. Never desserts given in my household apart from when eating out. Parties/special occasions - know yourself out lol.

dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom

What ?.. is this serious, this is not right !!

We offer dinner and then if DD (2.5) says she's hungry before bed she gets wholemeal toast (with peanut butter unless she's already in her pyjamas) whole milk and a banana. Simple but filling and designed to aid sleep. A hungry toddler will not sleep well and you're just setting everyone up for a night of misery. Not worth it.

I’m no expert but I would forget the houmous and bread.. Completely take that out of the equation and start building on the other bits he is taking an interest in.. we always go for wheatabix and warm milk if my ds doesn’t eat very much.. he’s a fussy eater too..

*knock yourself out

@PotatoesPastaAndBread what the actual f is wrong with you??

@AuntVictoria I agree with the consensus. He's too little and frankly a child at 3 am is a shit place for everyone to be.

Am I wrong in my recollection that a 2.5 year old should be off milk at this stage? It's hard to remember that far back!

It’s the only control he has atm and he’ll wake up super hangry which is counterproductive for everyone. He doesn’t know that he needs to eat regularly and have a balanced diet, he’s too young.

Mine used to get whatever it was re heated after bath if they were hungry (sometimes in front of tv to distract them to eat some). If they’d tried it and really didn’t like it, weetabix or whatever so they’d had something.

@Dtoilel

Am I wrong in my recollection that a 2.5 year old should be off milk at this stage? It's hard to remember that far back!

People of all ages drink milk

but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom.

If you start wondering in a few years why your daughter hates you, this is why ^^

My 12 yr old has a hot milk before bed!

Agree with others from your update he is probably full at dinner.
Space out meals reduce portion sizes eating little and often will be better if he is 99% centile.
I'm not judging my DS is a compulsive eater 99% for weight and height he is nearly 6 wearing 8/9 y.o clothes
I reduce his portions he's always looking for more. 😊

Typically obviously, adults go to bed much later than babies. But we tend to expect them to be starving at 7pm just before bedtime really when as I mentioned, dd's dinner would be at about 3pm. Then she could have her crappy nutella/toast combo before bed. Also got the option to eat some of our dinner at 6/7pm. But their eating schedule should reflect their waking schedule. I found dd to be hungry in first half of day and really not hungry in the evening at all, so if you're expecting them to eat a nutritious meal at that time, it probably won't work.

@Viviennemary

Poster who makes children eat in silence in the dark needs a visit from Social Services. It's Child abuse.

I totally agree, it's disgusting.

You’re being unreasonable.

He’s only young, and many DC become fussy at this age. Don’t make mealtimes a battle or it may lead to food issues.

Our DS is 23 months; if he doesn’t like something we offer honey on toast or a banana or yoghurt. I’d never let a small child go to be hungry; best just to smooth it over and not make a big thing of it- we always try and distract at meals with a toy or funny story etc if he’s playing up a bit.

He’s 2.5, not 10. Don’t overdo things now.