AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

I suspect the OP is giving him his usual bottles and then food on top with crisps/chocolate etc.

It's either one or the other. He's 2.5. He's eating now. Wean him off the milk!

Formula isn't the same as "milk' , there's isn't an age limit for milk. I wouldn't drink four bottles, bit I'll occasionally have a glass of milk. Lots of kids (not babies) have milk before bed as part of a healthy diet. And milkshake. And thousands of adults drink an equivalent volume of not more so in their hot drinks.

You might not have touched milk since you were two but I'd say that makes you the exception nott the rule

And there's nothing in ops posts to suggest she's feeding him formula, she mentions cows milk and semi skimmed and cutting it down significantly

On the basis that the basics of getting fed are more important than being at the table and eating at a certain time, I'd just go with it and give the bread and hummus later. Is it possible that the current meal time is too close to other eating? Or given your husband's attitude about it is he putting too much pressure on him to eat at the table?

My 14 year (yes year not month) old drinks loads of milk! He always has. Mind you he also eats like a horse so it obviously doesn't damage his appetite!

And to the PPs who have said not to "pander" to him because it makes children fussy. I respectfully say that is bollocks. I was far stricter with DS1 than DS2. (Young mum, worried about being judged)
One of my dc will eat anything, except dried fruit. The other is a fussy so and so who would rather go hungry than eat something he doesn't like.
I'll let you guess which is which.

Just to clarify he is classed a 'very overweight' according to the NHS BMI tool

He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. She doesn't mention whether that was formula or normal milk.

He doesn't need milk if he's overweight. Or 'very overweight'.

some ideas are cock-eyed.
imagine if an expert told you that you had to eat roasted insect legs, crickets, locusts etc.
they are very nutritious, and cheaply produced, will solve world hunger.
and after all, you eat meat, so what's the difference.
now imagine these legs were served up to you, with no alternative, and then you were sent to bed. how would you feel. not happy, i'm guessing.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

I'm shocked and saddened by the many recent posts about babies. Expecting far too much of them, whether just sleeping, eating, playing. Why are these parents so out of touch with their own children and what to expect of them?! Why is this becoming a constant thing? Poor children.

This. 100% this. Seems like babies and children should fit into the lives of adults. So sickening. Why have children if you can't be bothered to expend some personal effort to look after them.

To the poster making her DD eat leftovers in the dark, in silence in the bedroom. This is abuse. God help your DD. You need a reality check. I wonder what other abuse you subject your DD to and laugh it off as "sounding harsh".

OP your DS is likely just going through a phase. Bread and hummus isn't that unhealthy. Give him some of that with some of his dinner on the side. What's wrong with accommodating your toddler a bit, he is just still tiny.

And to whoever else who thinks it's OK to send a child to bed hungry - simply ask yourself if you would be happy to go to bed hungry.

My DS is hypoglycaemic. He could never be sent to bed without food or his blood sugar could plummet in the night leaving him dangerously sick.

And he was a fussy baby/toddler. Would gag and vomit if he didn’t like the taste or texture of something. So we always had something on the plate that we knew he would eat, alongside whatever we were having. And if he still didn’t eat enough then I’d make him toast or cheese and crackers or he could have yoghurt/custard.

He’s now 13 and eats pretty much everything. He particularly loves spicy food. He has a much broader palate than many kids his age.

So my experience is that harsh punishments around food are not necessary and often reflect the parent’s hang ups and need for control rather than concern over the child.

As for his weight I didn’t think BMI was a useful measure for children? I’d get some advice from your GP or a dietitian before making changes designed to reduce his BMI.

@Dtoilel

He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. She doesn't mention whether that was formula or normal milk.

DS will usually have weetabix with whole milk (switched to semi).... He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. It makes far more sense to assume her child is drinking the milk she talks about than the formula she doesn't mention, which isn't marketed at 2 year olds and which is expensive. If o said I had milk in my tea would you assume it was formula?

@Dtoilel

He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. She doesn't mention whether that was formula or normal milk.

Why would it be formula? Milk implies milk, not formula.

@Dtoilel

He doesn't need milk if he's overweight. Or 'very overweight'.

Do you only eat the foods that you NEED? O wonder what your daily food list is like. Op is, sensibly, cutting down the milk. It doesn't need to be cut out completely if he likes it. Just like she doesn't need to refuse to ever feed him cake or chocolate, neither of which he needs. But life would be less fun without them

Fun is for grandma. Dd never had shit. But when she went to grandma, she was fed pure shite such as icecream etc. I never got to be Grandma. I'm her Mum.

Do you only eat the foods that you NEED? O wonder what your daily food list is like

Yes. apart from at night where I'll have some chocolate. Rest of the day is healthy.

@Dtoilel

Fun is for grandma. Dd never had shit. But when she went to grandma, she was fed pure shite such as icecream etc. I never got to be Grandma. I'm her Mum.

Sounds like a laugh a minute at your house

Well if grandma didn't feed her shite, I might have had the opportunity.

I love the fact he is two and lukes hummus! My son was similar at that age. I remember how I used to get locked into battles with my parents at his age to this day. I made a conscious decision that I wouldn't be the same. As long as he is eating properly most of the time and has a variety of other things sitting at tge table for tea with you is the most important thing watching you enjoy your food. Its not like he is eating crisps every meal.

yes you are

I suggest you do a food diary and then speak to the HV. There is nothing majorly wrong with you child being on the 99th centile, more so if the were born at that end of the scale. If they was grossly overweight it would be obvious and they would not be actively running around. All kids grow at different rates. Kids go through many many many phases with food. Do you realise a lot of kids don't like meat because they have to learn to chew? They suck milk, swallow mushed food but then have to learn to chew and many struggle. My meat loving son was not impressed when he was a toddler. You need to pick your battles around food to stop it becoming an issue. And you and husband need to be on the same page else kids pick up on it. And you also do need to realise that kids do grow outwards before upwards and usually are bottomless pits when they are, depriving food will not help your child grow to either be happy, healthy nor have a good relationship with food.

Our mother let my brother eat jam sandwiches for a week as he refused all else. He soon got tired of it and ate normally. I wouldn't worry too much about the bread etc. Let him have it till he tires of it. Better that he eats that than nothing at all

Does he sleep in the cupboard under the stairs?

The little tike. 😁

@PotatoesPastaAndBread that is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here.

I think adults need to be more in tune to their children’s needs. From the OP, the child didn’t say he’s hungry. Often parents just assume their child is hungry because they refused dinner and it’s coming up to bed time.

With the amount of snacking between meals, over portioning and milk being offered to children these days, it’s hardly surprising by dinner time their little bellies might not feel up to a hot meal. My youngest, (3) doesn’t eat dinner or just picks a tiny bit on the days she’s at nursery. But then I look at what they give her. Despite me providing breakfast before school they always offer her another as she arrives during their breakfast time. Then there is snack time, then lunch, then another snack time before I collect her. There is also a pudding after lunch. We have lost sight of portion control and how little it actually takes to feel the tummies of little ones.

I too would never send a child to bed hungry but I also believe if they are hungry they would tell me. Because there is no negative response to them telling me that. The only response to “I don’t want that” is “ok darling, no problem, let me know when you’re hungry” and the only response to “I’m hungry” is to give them food. (Warm dinner at table with their family, or me sitting with them I might add) whatever time. Often my youngest will go to bed without an evening meal through choice. There is always food offered but no pressure either way. I don’t worry at all. I don’t comment. She’s a healthy weight.

Children can regulate themselves. It’s adults fussing, worrying, commenting, cajoling, threatening, over portioning, controlling and pushing all their anxieties on to their kids that causes all the problems (in NT children).