AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

That's cruel

People of all ages drink milk

I'm pretty sure that dd only drank water at 2.5. Her calories came from food. She got calcium in cheese/yoghurt. She never seemed to take to normal milk really. Breast, then formula then weaned off that and just water given. Might not be the correct advice, but as I said, I would have been following the letter of the law in terms of advice, as she was under a dietician.

Food is not worth making a battle over, it leaves terrible ghosts long into adulthood (speaking as someone with a lifelong eating disorder that directly stemmed from childhood).

I work with my kids by giving them 3-sectioned plates - 2 are things I know they will eat, and the 3rd is something I just want them to try. Picking it up and smelling counts. They get lots of praise for this and no more pressure.

Often seeing another child get praised is enough to tempt them into "trying" it.

I read somewhere once that a child needs to try an item several times to start to 'trust' it and perhaps start to like it - and I do rotate the things I've offered so that they come around repeatedly. Success so far this year with pears, peanuts, and mini sausages!

I give the older ones multivitamin gummies and/or drops mixed in with things, and the younger one gets a beaker of (fortified) formula as one of their drinks.

I would never force them to eat something they didn't like out of hunger. I would never let them go to bed hungry.
My parents used to do this to me and there were times I swallowed rolled up toilet paper followed by water from the sink to fill my stomach I was so hungry. Later, I gained macabre joy from realising I could "handle" hunger.

Once your child figures out how to master that 'power' game, the way back is long, torturous, and by no means guaranteed.

What's wong with hummous? Full of protein has vit B6, iron calcium and fibre. Saturated fat too but tinies need more fat than grown ups do.

Appetites are so variable at that age. I really wouldn’t stress it if not much dinner is eaten. They are often tired and overwhelmed by that point in the day too. Not worth the battle at that age. Mine will often eat a big breakfast and then either / or plenty of lunch or dinner. Rarely will she eat three decent sized meals everyday. Hummus and bread is fine! Use the earlier meals to be more adventurous with new tastes. Sometimes I offer supper of banana and a spoon of nut butter if she seems legit hungry in the evening but generally if she doesn’t eat much she’s just super tired and sleeps well. Then in the morning i’ll do her eggs or something substantial.

@rainbowlou

Centipede obv centile 😀

I like centipede 🐛

@Dtoilel

People of all ages drink milk

I'm pretty sure that dd only drank water at 2.5. Her calories came from food. She got calcium in cheese/yoghurt. She never seemed to take to normal milk really. Breast, then formula then weaned off that and just water given. Might not be the correct advice, but as I said, I would have been following the letter of the law in terms of advice, as she was under a dietician.

Two year olds don't have to drink milk, but there's nothing wrong with people drinking it at any age either. I just had a small glass and I'm in my thirties.

@wewereliars

What's wong with hummous? Full of protein has vit B6, iron calcium and fibre. Saturated fat too but tinies need more fat than grown ups do.

I think it's because it's all he'll eat in his current phase that she's concerned. He's also overweight which is concerning the OP. Again, I think people don't realise that toddlers need to eat earlier in the day as they're going to bed earlier than us. A treat before bedtime with his hummus and bread is fine. Earlier in the day, try to make things more nutritious OP.

I think though that given that little boy is overweight, switching to water, once he's getting adequate nutrition from other foods, might help to get him more reasonably positioned weight wise.

oh, thanks Dtoilel, looks like I missed the point then!

@rainbowlou

‘The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around’

That isn’t what was said though?

I’m guessing you actually are that pp and have name changed to come back and try to defend yourself?

I think they've done it quite a few times on the thread

HereIfYouNeedMe

rainbowlou
Centipede obv centile 😀

I like centipede 🐛

😀😀😀

When mine were 2, i sometimes gave them their dinner at breakfast time.

They didn’t know it was weird to be eating dinner type food in the morning - and they were more likely to eat their vegetables when they were hungry.

Then, i could give them breakfast during the day, which they were always happy to eat at whatever time.

@Dtoilel

I think though that given that little boy is overweight, switching to water, once he's getting adequate nutrition from other foods, might help to get him more reasonably positioned weight wise.

They do need calcium though, and if he's a picky eater that might otherwise be difficult to get into his diet. I think you can switch to semi skimmed at two, and skimmed at five, though a dietician may tell you that he can go straight to skimmed. All the calcium, very little fat.

It doesn't seem a huge deal to me for a toddler to skip a meal. My kids didn't really eat 3 proper big meals until after they were 3. Dinner seemed almost a ritual at that age rather than eating, It was a good day if they are properly at three meals. Just make sure he's not given sugary food/treats everyday and it will even out. I think I read a few times to think about what they eat over a whole week rather than each day and that only nutritious food is offered.

Hi OP.

We had a problem eater due to a texture/gag issue. We were referred to the dieticians and they were amazing, tbh some of what the told us was probably a bit obvious but I was so consumed with the issue I couldn’t see clearly. Here is a little of what they suggested:

1. try the main/hot meal for lunch as they’re often less tired and more willing to try new foods
2. Get them involved in prep or choosing the meal - there are toddler knives for chopping that aren’t sharp on Amazon
3. Mix it up sometimes, when DC was sick or really fussy we’d have a picky tea (like a party tea with what we’d have in, cheese, veg, sarnies, crackers etc) or picnic on a blanket in the living room for a change of scene from the table
4. Some kids get overwhelmed (esp when tired) by a plate full of food so start with a few bits and you can always add more

I can now say at 3.5 she eats really well and has come on so much in the last year/18 months . Good luck x

I think at 2.5, yoghurts and cheese would be better sources of calcium. I was told real yoghurts not petit filous and I'd give her cheese strings (make me want to vomit, but she would eat them). You could have a little snack table of cubes of cheddar and tomatoes or cucumber for him to nibble on. I really would be cutting out milk (is it formula?) at 2.5. Switch to water only. I used to buy the little bottles of water from Lidl for when we were out and about. With plastic packaging now, maybe let him pick out a fancy water bottle. They will actually drink plain water if they're thirsty. Chilled seems to be easier on them. I suspect that he's getting surplus calories maybe from formula?

Advice I was given:

Offer three meals and three healthy snacks at roughly the same times every day. Don't make any comment or watch what he eats. Eat alongside him whenever possible and carry on as normal. When it's clear he isn't going to eat anymore clear up as normal, even if he's not touched anything. If he asks for a snack at another time tell him he must wait for the next meal/snack time and follow through on this. I find it easier to associate mealtimes with something specific. E.g. they have a snack after we've picked up the older child from school. I would include a snack for your DS shortly before bedtime as it seems he is often hungry then.

I definitely notice that when my children don't graze on snacks all day they eat more at mealtimes and in particular I find when they are younger they eat more at lunchtime.

The diet you've described sounds possibly a but carb heavy. Could you offer hummus with cucumber/carrot sticks etc as a snack instead sometimes? Maybe if he loves hummus and bread then don't give sandwiches or toast as well that day. My DD is 3 and she eats a lot but is not overweight so I do wonder of portion size is an issue here. Perhaps you are giving him far too much. How much Weetabix does he have for example?

Houmous has plenty of protein. He's 2.5

My eldest is now 19, and asd and when he was 2.5 would only eat cocktail sausages, garlic bread and cucumber. For years.

Little by little we worked up to other foods. He was always allowed a bedtime snack and had a much more varied diet now. Never ever use good as a bargaining tool.

Ever

Both mine at that age liked specific things for tea (one was chicken nuggets, one was dippy eggs) and it was hard to introduce new things. I put it down to being a toddler thing.

So I’d make them what they liked for their tea and offer things to try from our plates on the basis of if you like it you can have more, if you don’t like it that’s fine.

I would never make them eat things they didn’t like. I remember being made to eat things I found horrible and having to clear the plate and there’s no way I would do that to my own children.

Pretty much

Mine’s 2, some days she eats loads some days hardly anything. I try to offer her things she turned her nose up at in the weeks before with varying success but I try not to make it a big deal and always offer things I know she likes. She’s only 2, she likes what she likes and I don’t starve her to the point she’ll eat something she doesn’t like.

@Dtoilel

Am I wrong in my recollection that a 2.5 year old should be off milk at this stage? It's hard to remember that far back!

There isn't an age when milk isn't allowed

[quote AuntVictoria]@foxythefox that is so helpful, thank you.

DS will usually have weetabix with whole milk (switched to semi) and a banana for breakfast, marmite on toast or a cheese sandwich for lunch with a pear / orange / similar, strawberries grapes and raspberries when he wakes from his nap. He was drinking a lot of milk but we've cut this down now. He doesn't have snacks or treats at home but I have to admit they have been on the increase when out, not every day but too often - usually rice cakes or dried fruit, but sometimes an ice cream or toddler crisps. Overall the snacks definitely tip us into too much food.[/quote]
Ditch or reduce the snacks when out, he may have come to expect them but they sound unnecessary.
Personally I wouldn't offer a child that age semi skimmed milk, I'd rather cut out 'junk' than milk.
You say he doesn't have treats but eats strawberries, raspberries, grapes when he wakes up! What do you think they are if not treats? Have a look at how much sugar is in fruit.

It sounds like in general you don't have much understanding of what is actually a healthy diet, or a healthy relationship with food. If you can sort out your own diet, and by diet I mean 'what you eat' not that you should be on a diet, that will be one of the most relevant things you can do to not bring up a fat child. You don't often see fat children whose parents are a healthy weight. Certainly in my family the obese parents seem oblivious to how overweight their children are. The solution isn't depriving them of dinner, it is creating a balanced diet as the norm, not using food as reward or punishment.
Good luck with it all, DH will need to be on board too.

There isn't an age when milk isn't allowed

Well I don't drink 4 bottles a day personally, so yes there is. Milk is for infants as it's easy for them to digest but once they start eating food, they shouldn't be on milk (formula or breast?) also. I'm pretty sure that dietician recommended only water. Fruit juice (small glass) maybe in the morning with breakfast, but not formula all day. Formula is designed to provide your full calories (when you're a baby). It shouldn't really be used in addition to food.