AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

Also I do compromise so if he eats half that's fine and you can have a banana or some toast for supper. Also I don't make him eat things I know he really dislikes like spicy food or mushrooms. But it's a bit of give and take imo

I have discovered that when mine won't eat dinner they go to bed fine, sleep the same and don't even get up early or eat a massive breakfast, sometimes they just don't want dinner! Just offer something and if he won't eat then do bedtime as usual and see what happens. If either of mine had woken complaining of hunger of course I would have fed them...but it's never happened!

It’s just a phase all kids go through, pick your battles, food in my opinion should never be forced up on kids. After a week of bread and hummus he’ll soon get bored.

@Viviennemary

Poster who makes children eat in silence in the dark needs a visit from Social Services. It's Child abuse.

Yes it is child abuse Cruel and unnecessary.

Mine are older now so I can’t remember the details of how I managed their food fussiness. But one thing I do remember is that the end of the day is never a good time for any battles. You’re tired, they’re tired, everyone gets emotional if there’s friction.
So I would always give them stuff I knew they’d happily eat for tea, and try to be more adventurous at lunchtime or snacks.

And I never ever sent them to bed hungry. Apart from being cruel, all that happens is they wake you early, so it achieves nothing.

I remember my mother force feeding my stuff I don't want. I would be told to get over it as I retched cried and vomited. It upset me and I got no comfort but told I was being spoilt and manipulative
I have a hideous relationship with food and now am obese so yeah well done mum

'No they are brats because they scream and scream and tantrum until they get want they want , these tantrum last until parents give in. The kids have learnt if I scream for longer enough I get what I want.'

Do they aye

@AuntVictoria

Thanks all! Just to clarify he is classed a 'very overweight' according to the NHS BMI tool, he is average height. He has always been 91st + for weight and 50th for height, since he was a baby and ebf. I thought it would level out once he started walking at 18 months, and he looks slimmer to me, but obviously we need to take steps to address this now.

I didn't think that using a BMI calculation was suitable for children, let alone a toddler.

As long as the food they eat is healthy (low sugar and saturated fats) then let him eat whenever he likes.

As he grows taller and is more active, he'll slim down. Unless you're feeding him fast food and sugary treats all the time then I wouldn't worry about it so young.

The routine will come as he gets older.

My 2.5yr old also can be quite fussy but not to this extent. Some days she eats loads and others less, so I don’t tend to worry too much if she’s had very little at dinner. Usually offer fruit or yoghurt so know she’s had something. Not sure I could be too hardline like your DH as I don’t think she grasps the concepts enough about what’s expected of her.

What’s the matter with good quality bread and hummus?
Chick peas have lots of protein.
Much better than half the alternatives that have been suggestec

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The only I can think is if the child is wanting the dinner as a classic bedtime delay tactic, in which case not turning on the light is more about maintaining the consistent message that its bedtime. Bright lights wake kids up a lot.

It is a bit weird though.

Agree it sounds a bit odd - but I must admit that I read it more as the poster saying “we won’t send her to bed hungry, but she’ll get the dinner warmed up and it’s not as a treat to avoid going to bed at bedtime”. I didn’t infer any force feeding of cold leftovers from what she said - more a “if you don’t eat your dinner and you’re hungry, you can have what you didn’t eat”.

DS eats hardly any breakfast, he just isn’t a breakfast person. Maybe yours isn’t a dinner person.
Could you make your own houmous, try beetroot houmous. Put it on bread that has veg hidden in it, will he dip veg in houmous. Just gradually push the boundaries. DS likes it if I do a sharing board Pinterest style
Don’t send him to bed hungry, that will build a lifetime of eating too much.

I’m really lax almost anything goes, I think it’s really bad children are still sent to bed hungry

Yabvu

Wow, this has opened my eyes to some of the abuse some children have to endure. What fucked up adults you're going to rear. Why would you do that?
OP - when is he most hungry? That is when you should be giving him nutritious foods.

Dd always ate the bulk of her food in the first half of the day.

What is his breakfast typically? Lunch? When is he getting all the carbs? Hummus and bread at night is fine. Dd always persuaded her Dad to give her toast with chocolate spread at night. We knew it was a delaying tactic, but, it's the equivalent I suppose of the American cookies and hot chocolate.
Lidl's own brand 'Nutella' has a higher content of nuts than actual Nutella.
How about fish (grilled salmon?) or baked fresh cod/similar or something? Excellent source of nutrition.

At two, dd's diet would have been something like this.
Breakfast - porridge - those little individual sugary sachets from Lidl - do in microwave.

11am - a cheese string/yoghurt/banana - one of those.
12pm - lunch. Sandwich with tuna/ham/roast chicken/roast beef or a wrap with chicken and you can stick fresh spinach leaves/rocket/plain lettuce in for greens.

3pm - Dinner! So something like beef stew, chilli con carne, chicken casserole, fish, sometimes pizza, sausages, anything really
6pm - Our dinner and she'd eat a bit of that if she fancied it
Just before bedtime the toast with chocolate spread if she asked.
Smoothies often done with any combination of fruit/cranberry juice/yoghurt.

The bulk of dd's diet would really have been proteins. We would often have a salmon fillet each with side salad, sometimes noodles as she developed a taste for those at her childminders.

In terms of sugars, the chocolate spread and the sugar in the porridge in the am would have been the highest.

Was told to give proper yoghurt not petit filous as pure sugar more of less. Fruit was always offered but had to be given either via smoothies or half a banana, chopped up apple and sometimes things like tinned mandarins/pears/fruit cocktail or something.

With the fish, if he will eat (dd adored fish), if you dress the salad with just olive oil/cyder or white wine vinegar and a bit of salt, it compliments the fish well.
Casseroles/stews great at hiding carrots etc. Chilli could have tinned toms and peppers chopped up very finely.

You'll get there. He's not going to starve as he's overweight, but try to be more adventurous/nutritious when he's really hungry.

NO snacks such as icecream/chocolate/crisps. No need for them.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week
If he’s tried it then why can’t he have something else if he doesn’t like it? My DC sometimes won’t even try it. They are also a toddler and it’s too young to be firm over food.
I’m also in the camp of having issues with food as a result of decisions my parents made. I won’t ever force my child to eat anything or punish them if they don’t.

Been there, done that, doesn’t work.

While that looks like a lot of food, portions wouldn't be huge. Dd was always borderline underweight, so I had sort of the opposite problem to you.

@BoomBoomsCousin

Given he’s overweight, I think it’s reasonable. I wouldn’t phrase it as some sort of punishment for not eating his dinner, though. Just tell him the doctor/hv has says it’s not healthy to have a snack before bed, so you aren’t going to that any more and stick to it. The remind him at dinner that he there’s no before bed snack anymore.

I might also try moving dinner later if he’s not eating much when you currently serve it.

He's TWO. don't be daft.

@SweepTheHalls

He's only little. We have the rule that you must be at the table.... But if you really don't like it, you don't have to eat. I always try to make sure that something on the plate is in the range of foods that is definitely acceptable. I will do weetabix and warm milk before bed if they really didn't eat as I don't think any child should go to bed with an empty tummy.

I would agree with the above - don't let him go hungry. He's just a baby.

As Sweep suggests, try a few foods but make sure there at least one thing on his plate he really likes and will eat. Apart from anything else, if he's hungry he won't sleep well.

(And I can promise you that if you try to force him he will hold out a lot longer than you can)

I never can understand why some people find fairness soooo difficult with their own children ffs.

We've never offered anything after dinner except for milk. If she doesn't eat it I assume she is not hungry. She's a similar age to yours and has been to bed without any dinner many many many times. She tends to eat huge lunches and often bit breakfasts too so I think she often fills up earlier in the day. I'm assuming this is true for your DC too especially considering his centile.

You need to think about his wellbeing, the affect of being hungry on his hormones, sleep quality, mental health, all these things are more important than curing fussiness in my opinion!

Also, DC1 was very fussy and ate the same thing for years, I found enough things they would eat to make sure their diet was balanced, but DC1 is not fussy as an older child at all, and will even eat things they dislike once in a while if we are out and about and we can't find anything else.

I think cutting out sweets and sugar is good but otherwise I don't think you should apply portion control (or limiting milk consumption) without checking with his doctor and talking with HV too.

Being right isn't going to get you anywhere.

If you want to fight about eating - it's game on. You're old enough to know better.

The other thing I noticed with dd is once she was full, that was it. No amount of stress or cajoling helped. I had help from a dietician though - #stressful
At 2, I don't recall dd being on milk at all? But maybe I've forgotten. Full fat milk in porridge. Water was the main drink - cranberry juice or orange or apple juice occasionally. Mainly water though. Her childminder would have given her cordial in the water, but I didn't.

You can hide shit like mixed frozen veg in a casserole for e.g. Sometimes I'd just do carrot and onion, but sometimes the veg would be something like this in the casserole/shepherds pie/bolognese groceries.morrisons.com/products/morrisons-peas-sweetcorn-carrots-broccoli-red-pepper-120898011

Swede, cabbage when cooking gammon for e.g., carrots used a lot, loved green beans and loved long stem broccoli (fresh but expensive).

Poster who makes children eat in silence in the dark needs a visit from Social Services. It's Child abuse

Indeed.

If you need protein, adding a fair amount of ground almonds to porridge and to apple crumble tastes really good, and is "hidden"!