To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

You don’t ask for anything when you send out invites, just ask guests to celebrate with you.
Then most of them will ask you if you have a gift list and you say no as you have everything you need for the house, but if they would like to give you a small gift money towards honeymoon would be lovely.
For the last few weddings I have been too I have given cash but don’t like to think it is expected.

It's awful, I would be embarrassed to do this, even if money was the one thing I would love. It is only acceptable to state your choice of gift if the giver asks you directly what you would like and even then, 'money' sounds very grabby.

Every wedding I've been to there's been some way of saying they'd prefer cash over presents. I prefer not to be asked with a twee poem

Mumsnet is fucking mad about this and I don’t know why. The vast majority of couples live together before they get married and have already set up house. My partner and I will 100% ask for money if people want to give us gifts when we get married because we live in a tiny flat with no space for ‘stuff’, already have everything we need and have well paid jobs - if we want something we just buy it ourselves (not very often though because we don’t really like stuff!). It’s highly unlikely many of our friends and family would even nail our tastes (not because they’re niche or anything, we just like particular things!) and it just seems like a whole load of waste of money and time for something wholly unsatisfying.

Also to add - as a wedding gift I will 100% be sticking cash in a card regardless of what you put on the gift list. If you want a new kettle you can fuck off to John Lewis and choose it yourself - I’m a busy woman and shopping for other people’s homeware is not how I’m spending my Saturdays!

In real life - absolutely fine

On mumsnet - reprehensible

I haven't been to a wedding where i didn't give money since the 90's

We did not include any mention of gifts in our invitations. Everyone seemed to know to ask a bridesmaid, best man, one of the parents so we left it to them to suggest money if someone asked.

You don’t ask for anything at all with an invitation. That is so embarrassingly crass. Awful to send a request for any sort of gift along with an invitation. If people respond with any suggestions for gifts then that would be the time to suggest money (if you are settled on that).

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

Mumsnet is fucking mad about this and I don’t know why. The vast majority of couples live together before they get married and have already set up house. My partner and I will 100% ask for money if people want to give us gifts when we get married because we live in a tiny flat with no space for ‘stuff’, already have everything we need and have well paid jobs - if we want something we just buy it ourselves (not very often though because we don’t really like stuff!). It’s highly unlikely many of our friends and family would even nail our tastes (not because they’re niche or anything, we just like particular things!) and it just seems like a whole load of waste of money and time for something wholly unsatisfying.

The vast majority of the people who you invite will know that you live together and will understand that you most likely have everything that you need and opt to give you money anyway. You’re inviting them to share your special day- you may feel entitled to request a cash gift but, most will feel that that is grabby and tacky.

Depends I'm half English/Middle Eastern. The middle eastern side always give money. My husband is English.

When we got married we knew it would be awkward on the English sides of hen families (not a criticism). As we already lived together and didn't want lots of duplication, we opted for a wedding list at John Lewis. That left people with the option of cash, something from the list, that was wanted, or vouchers.

I always give money. In my home country you get given money. With money, you can pay for your wedding or your honeymoon or anything you want to buy for your home or life together. I personally think it's acceptable. I think asking for certain gifts is poor taste. I will put money in a congratulating card and that's that. Also for those that don't have money, really? Not even £20? I have put £500 for my brother, £200 for my fave cousins and £100 for friends.

In my own wedding (cultural) I was given money. 200 people attended my wedding and tbh, I only knew that the closer families gave huge sums of money to me and hubby. Friends, relatives etc I still don't know who gave what. Normally if you don't have much money, 10€ or 20€ in an empty envelope is fine. The theme is that you give money to cover your food and drinks cost how you would pay for it an restaurant. You are not obliged to go to an wedding. You can always say you have something come up and let them know in advance.

Don't do a cheesy poem but put clearly that you really don't expect gifts but as you are currently renovating b&q vouchers would be appreciated if you wish

@Jamboree01 perhaps you missed the bit where I wrote ‘if people want to give us gifts’. A shame, coz I even type it in bold and everything.

It’s perfectly ok to accept money as a wedding gift it’s not ok to actually ask for it directly .

Ps if I remarry we will collect for charity instead, I have enough stuff!

@Ellmau

No one thinks it’s in bad taste or vulgar anymore

Plenty of people on this very thread do.

Personally I think it's a bit tacky to solicit gifts of any sort, but if people ask what you would like, then it's perfectly acceptable to say cash.

Same. I don’t get the belligerence of deliberately getting the couple the opposite of what they want. What does that prove other than you’re an arsehole??

@mikejardine

In real life - absolutely fine

On mumsnet - reprehensible

I haven't been to a wedding where i didn't give money since the 90's

I always give money as a wedding gift.

In real life it is tacky to request money in your wedding invitations.

In real life it is perfectly acceptable to give money as a wedding gift.

On MN it is tacky to request money in your wedding invitations.

On MN it is perfectly acceptable to give money as a wedding gift.

I’m chinese so money is the cultural norm given in little red envelopes, you also have to put in money that is in even numbers and not odd lucky numbers as well so ones ending in 8 are the best. At the tea ceremony the Aunts and Uncles on each side are served tea by the bride and groom. You pass the bridal couple the envelope with a few words of wisdom.

When I married my English DH we did have a wedding list. His family would have been offended if we asked for money. My family mainly gave money and ignored the list.

I always give money plus I’m bad at wrapping gifts :)

Originally we didn't want a gift register but some relatives (average age of these was 60+) weren't too keen on our idea of no gifts or money so we put items on it we really liked but wouldn't treat ourselves to it. And that despite living together only for 4 years.

But we also said that we are buying a house and if someone wanted to help us out they could buy a brick or two.

But just in clear words, no poems, they are awful. In the end we had a mix of both.

Keep in mind that some people will still give you gifts because they think having a nice personalised photo frame or similar things is the only thing you can give at weddings.

You can word it a way to say you don't need gifts or vouchers and that leaves only one option which is to give cash.

@mikejardine

In real life - absolutely fine

On mumsnet - reprehensible

I haven't been to a wedding where i didn't give money since the 90's

I've never been to a wedding where they've asked for money.

Different circles I guess.

Absolutely fine- we said something like
“We want you to know your presence on the day will be more than gift enough for us, it wouldn’t be the same without you there! For those of you who may like to give us any additional gift, contributions to our house fund would be very gratefully received.”

[quote Shopliftersoftheworldunite]**@Jamboree01* perhaps you missed the bit where I wrote ‘if people want to give us gifts’. A shame, coz I even type it in bold* and everything.[/quote]
Shame that your guests will most definitely feel they have to give you a gift once you’ve included a request for money in your invitations.

Shame that your guests will most definitely feel they have to give you a gift once you’ve included a request for money in your invitations.

People you have a good relationship with will not feel that, no.

And the others Keating?