To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

Lol rawal.

We had this dilemma and it’s really tough.

We were planning to move from a city terraced to a family home within a year or two but had no space to store stuff (regardless of how thoughtful or nice) until then. We actively did not want ‘stuff’, we cringed at the thought of all the boxes/packaging/plastic waste and knew If we didn’t direct our guests with some sort of list/gift requests that’s exactly what we would get.

Asking for cash didn’t sit right with us so we said ‘your presence to celebrate with us is the only gift we want. However, if you feel strongly that you’d like to gift us something here are two options. Either make a donation to one of our charities or select a small gift experience (ranging from £5-£50) for our honeymoon.’

I hate MN for it’s attitude toward gift giving which basically makes the recipient totally powerless and voiceless, anyone can gift you literally anything and you’re deemed ‘ungrateful’ if you don’t jump for joy. Makes me wonder why I bother driving all my junk to the charity shop instead of dumping it on the neighbours lawn with a card for their next birthday

You don’t really have the right to give any gift you like to whoever you like regardless of whether they want/have room for/will like it.

I love giving cash - I’d rather get the couple something they want than something I think they should have.

Or worse, the inevitable Clinton’s tat like a pair of cheap, tacky champagne glasses that just go straight to the bin.

Hate the poems though. We just said no gifts were necessary, but if they wanted we’d appreciate virgin vouchers or cash for the honeymoon. Didn’t stop the massive amounts of tat though...

I agree with this. People aren’t stupid and will know that you have been living together so will probably mostly give money anyway. I always give money as a wedding present but I cannot stand it when people ask for it. It’s tacky.

I’m not a fan of the gift registry either.

I wouldn't ask for money but I also wouldn't have a wedding gift list. I personally feel it's grabby.

Money is absolutely the done thing nowadays, if anything a gift registry gets more of a raised eyebrow.

You don't need to say anything - people will put money in a card. Some people will probably want to bring a physical gift so expect a few and maybe have a mini list of a few things you would like if someone asks. Anyone else, just explain that you don't expect gifts but if they would like to give one, a contribution to your house fund would be very much appreciated.

Don't mention gifts. People who know you will know you don't need toasters and sheets anyway.
Just say, we have everything for the house, but if you really want to give something, vouchers would be appreciated.

‘I hate MN for it’s attitude toward gift giving which basically makes the recipient totally powerless and voiceless’ is this not a tad dramatic?

Mumsnet is the only place where I ever seen people who venomously disagree with both asking for money, or giving money at a wedding.

In the real world, I asked for money, I gave all my friends money and it's just the done thing now.

Ostryga, I attended a very lovely beautiful wedding in Santorini where the money pinning was a very symbolic and enjoyable cultural performance.

Nothing to do with what we're talking about.

Now where are my vapours?

I always give money but I wouldn't if someone asked. At my wedding 2 years ago. Everyone knew we was set up/have kids/own house etc. So the majority of them gave us money. We didn't send out a tacky poem with the invitations.

As others have said, don't say anything on the invitation about gifts. Most people will assume cash or vouchers - or ask you directly.
If you end up with champagne flutes or whatever, those will be from people who would override a specific cash request anyway.

The done thing is to give money as a wedding present. It’s not the done thing to ask for it.

@StCharlotte

Twenty odd years ago, we asked for Debenhams vouchers or contributions towards driving lessons. We jokingly asked for a house and a car too. We got a Dinky car and a lovely ceramic house.

I have no issue giving money but a couple of times I've also given something personalised to couples I know very well (and I also know their taste).

I work with lots of Greeks - you know where you are with them

Got to love the money dance. We did it and it was lots of fun. By the way I am Greek and not just grabby. We also had a small gift list and got some bits from there too.

On these threads all the English ppl will tell you that you are incredibly rude and vulgar to ask for money at your wedding. A lot of other countries its v normal to stick some money in a card - in my cultures expected! I don't know how you word an ask for money instead of gifts though

All countries/cultures are different though. Historically money is not given in england assuming that is where your wedding is taking place. According to etiquette you ask for nothing in the invite. Should people wish to give you something they enquire about a wedding list. It is then up to you to decide what to ask for.

Personally I think it's tacky to ask for money as you are basically asking people to pay to come to your wedding. However, you know your friends best. If everyone else is doing it then assume people don't find it tacky and go ahead.

I automatically gift money as a wedding present. However if I was asked by the bride and groom to gift them money I’d buy them a pair of those crappy glitter wine glasses you see on Facebook.

I wouldn't ask for money - if you've been already living together for years, the majority of people attending your wedding would generally give you money or gift vouchers anyway so there is no need to specifically ask for money and dressing it up in a poem is just embarrassing.

It’s generally normal to stick money in cards in a England as well (I’m not English). It’s just not generally normal to actually request it in your invites. There is no need to ask for it and it’s rude. The purpose of the invitation is to ask people to share your special day with you- not to invite them to bring money.

Pinning the money is great fun at those weddings where is has been a long standing tradition in their cultures.

I can't believe so many people begrudge giving a couple the gift they want for their wedding. It's not like they've set a minimum amount and I don't see how asking for money is any grabbier than a traditional list of presents.

I'd be delighted the couple had made it so easy for me and would look forward to celebrating with them.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 💯🤣

No one thinks it’s in bad taste or vulgar anymore

Plenty of people on this very thread do.

Personally I think it's a bit tacky to solicit gifts of any sort, but if people ask what you would like, then it's perfectly acceptable to say cash.

We said gifts not necessary but if you would like to then a garden centre voucher was gratefully recieved. We were able to get a table and chairs and I thinknof our guests every time we use it. We are very thankful.

Some guest didn't, which was OK by us. Some did something else (e.g. an M&S voucher) we got one pair of flutes which were lovely.

People like to give something, so please do clarify. (Otherwise you will end up telling everyone individually).

We are getting married this year and won't be requesting anything in the invitations, if our guests ask I will say money or vouchers as we've been together a long time and don't need anything. If they don't ask that's fine.

@HotChoc10

I can't believe so many people begrudge giving a couple the gift they want for their wedding. It's not like they've set a minimum amount and I don't see how asking for money is any grabbier than a traditional list of presents.

I'd be delighted the couple had made it so easy for me and would look forward to celebrating with them.

People are not begrudging giving a couple a gift. They don’t agree with the couple asking for a specified gift (money) in their wedding invitations as it’s tacky.

I always give money as a wedding gift but I would hate to be asking for it in a cringeworthy poem that makes a couple sound as if they are grasping.