To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

Money is the go to wedding present now anyway, isn't it?

You don't need to bother with a poem OP, when people ask, just tell them that if they want to give you a gift money would be most appreciated.

Congratulations!

We were invited to a family wedding a few years ago and the couple said they'd got everything they needed but would we contribute to a massive trip they were saving for in a couple of years.

We declined.

Just to add - we declined the money request but did attend.

It cost us about £500 to go to the wedding.

@FangsForTheMemory

Don't ask for money in the invitations. Wait until people ask you what you would like. Then say money towards new kitchen etc.

You see, I think that is really bad form, bordering on rude.

You shouldn’t expect guests to get in contact with you one by one to ask what you want.
Your parents might want to ask but for everyone else, it’s just another admin job you’re creating and it’s quite bad manners.

But if random present giving happens, the polite thing to do is to say thank you and accept. People can give what they want to.

One poster said that she’d bring something to annoy them- that’s not the norm and there will always be one.

The general consensus on here seems to be it’s not polite to request money in a wedding invitation. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but money as a wedding gift is quite alright. Normally though, the couple do not ask for money or gifts. You send an invitation to everyone and you just say “request only the great pleasure of your attendance at our wedding ceremony and banquet. Come and celebrate with us!

Then a note on the bottom in small print that says “No gifts needed. But if you do so wish to present us with a gift, then we would be grateful that any gifts or donations to our honeymoon/new home/favourite charity x be given in private.”

We don’t do the table with the pile of gifts like I saw at an American wedding. It’s all done in private so no one loses face by choosing to only attend but no gift of any sort due to being in hard financial straits.

@Jamboree01

But if random present giving happens, the polite thing to do is to say thank you and accept. People can give what they want to.

One poster said that she’d bring something to annoy them- that’s not the norm and there will always be one.

The general consensus on here seems to be it’s not polite to request money in a wedding invitation. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Of course people are polite and say thank you for pointless and unnecessary gifts. But that doesn't make them any less pointless. I was lucky not to have any of this silliness at my wedding but have seen it at the weddings of British friends/ those with British relatives. Such a waste of their money and awkward for everyone.

I think asking for money is eminently sensible.
(We’re 61/56, our daughter and SIL needed money towards their house deposit).

I didn’t have any of that ‘silliness’ (you know those irritants who dare turn up with a present) at my wedding either. I didn’t ask for anything. I don’t see how it’s awkward?

People don’t buy other people gifts to make them feel awkward usually. They do it because they like them and want to give them something that they think they’ll like. People actually giving physical gifts nowadays is very rare unless a gift registry (also tacky) is included.

Of course, when that happens, it’s probably very awkward for the person who was expecting a guest to arrive with an envelope full of cold, hard cash.

Again, 99% of my guests gave money without being asked. My friends all give money as a gift, they all received mostly money (none of them asked for it).

People usually want to give money- it’s awkward when people ask for money in their wedding invitations. It’s impolite, has all the wrong connotations.. and for all of the other reasons that many people have stated on this thread.

I’m done with this debate now:
*I want to give money as a wedding gift
*I always give money as a wedding gift
*I don’t need to be invited to a wedding and, at the same time, be given an invoice for attending when I would give money anyway.

Think I’ve stated my point 👍🏻 Good night.

We asked for money or charitable donations, largely as we live abroad, had travelled home for the wedding and given all the stuff we were already transporting, taking physical gifts would be very difficult.

Of course about 10 people got us fairly bulky gifts, including far too much alcohol to take through duty free. Ended up having to regift.

I wouldn’t do it

So it makes you feel uncomfortable but you are thinking of doing it yourself?

I wouldnt personally ask for money, I think its rude!!!

In certain cultures giving money is expected but they would never ask for it as its seen as begging.

However you go about it, it won't be worse than my (estranged) sister's approach. She told everyone she wanted money, then in the reception (in a rough pub) she stood at the door, opened all the cards as they were put on the present table, took the money out, put it in her purse and spent it in the bar. Cue absolute mortification from us and total oblivion (in more than one way) from her. Whatever you do, it won't be worse than that.

Not a poem, but maybe put what Bob Geldof said on TV for Live Aid on the invitation?

Family member did it for their honeymoon funds

They had an amazing honeymoon, no random tat or gravey boats and everyone seemed to appreciate not having to go to the shops or order something.