To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

I don’t think asking for money is bad as long as you make it clear it’s not expected. Most people just say something like your presence is gift enough but if you would like to get us something a contribution to our honeymoon/future would be much appreciated (plenty of suggestions online). If the exact wording bothers you just leave it off. People who like to give gifts (both physical and monetary) will do it regardless of what you say.

The only time I’ve found it inappropriate was one couple I knew who provided a suggested gift amount to try a recoup the cost of each wedding guest 🤦‍♀️

We didn't ask and everyone gave us money anyway

But a wedding list isn't vulgar?

There’s no reason to reference gifts at all unless for are having a gift list and need to provide the details.

I'm always baffled by the people saying asking for money is vulgar.

What would you like people to do? Just ask for nothing and hope they don't get loads of stuff they don't want or need? Is it better tasted wise or environmentally to get given things you just throw away or give the charity?

I've given £100+ to the couple in each of the ~20 weddings I've been to over the last decade.

I'm getting married next year, I'd actually like my turn getting some cash please!

@MapGirlExtraordinaire

I'm always baffled by the people saying asking for money is vulgar.

What would you like people to do? Just ask for nothing and hope they don't get loads of stuff they don't want or need? Is it better tasted wise or environmentally to get given things you just throw away or give the charity?

I've given £100+ to the couple in each of the ~20 weddings I've been to over the last decade.

I'm getting married next year, I'd actually like my turn getting some cash please!

Couldn't agree more.

I'd rather give money than an unwanted gift. It's better for the environment and less wasteful.

We usually give a voucher/cash with a nice bottle of wine/spirits these days, unless there is a gift list.

Is it better tasted wise or environmentally to get given things you just throw away or give the charity?

Of course not, it’s absolutely ridiculous.

There’s no way that’s polite to ask people for money for coming to your wedding. No matter how you phrase it it always boils down to “we’d love you to come to our wedding, can you give us some cash in return please”.

Personally I couldn’t do it, I’d simoly tell people no gifts or a donation to my fave charity.

If you need to do it, why don’t you say “please no gifts, if you feel driven then either a donation to x charity or John Lewis vouchers.

It's fine imo. Friends did it last year - getting married after decades together. They worded it along the lines of - we don't want gifts, we don't expect anything but if you'd like to give us something we would be grateful for money to our towards our honeymoon. (More flowery wording which I can't remember)
I think it's good if you have a big project - like honeymoon or your renovations, rather than just randomly asking for dosh.

I think it's rude to ask for money or presents tbh. I hate gift registries, I think they're extremely grabby. You don't say come to our wedding but make sure you buy us a present out of the following or give us money.
Same as bring a bottle to a party. No if you're doing a party you provide the drinks and food, it's bad manners to expect or ask others to bring something

In a way isn't just asking people to pay for the wedding? That's hardly 'in the spirit' as mnhq would say. It's really quite grabby.

If you have to specify exactly what you want to be given, I've been to a few where you have the option to donate to their charity of choice (or not). I have no issue with that , it's lovely. Esp as so many are skint right now.

Or leaving it up to guests to decide, depends how well they know you I guess, but gone are the days of receiving multiple toasters and kettles.

Don't say anything about gifts at all in the invitation. When the guests RSVP they may ask about gifts, this gives you the chance to explain that you've already got all the 'stuff' you want. If your guest is anything like me, she/he will then say something like 'would you like something towards your honeymoon?' Last wedding I went to was pre Covid and second marriage for both of them, I knew they were going to France for their honeymoon, so I gave them some Euros in cash from the holiday purse that I keep with the passports. They sent me a lovely photo on Messenger of a gorgeous meal they'd bought with it. Everyone happy!

Very poor taste to expect anything when you've been set up together for years. If you asked for cash for renovations. my first thought would be that there's plenty needs doing in my own house.

We didn't ask for anything. Most guests gave us money, a few bought gifts (restaurant vouchers, overnight stay, photo frames etc, nothing we didn't appreciate). Some didn't get us gifts (totally fine, not everyone is in a position to do so). If people asked us prior if we had a gift list etc, we just explained there wasn't anything we needed as we'd lived together for so long already.

My advice would be to just not ask for anything. It's rude. We were given more gift money than my sister, who put one of those tacky poems in the invite.

No, you can't ask for money. If you don't need presents then you don't get to ask for money to fund your DIY.

It

Asking for cash is a little bit poor taste, I think personally.

Although it's your wedding, do what you like!

But then the guest is left with the decision over how much to give!
My mum always used to say, "cover the cost of your meal and drinks, plus £10 for a work colleague, £20 for a cousin, £30 quid for a good friend and £50 for a best friend/sibling or if you're in the wedding party! And if you're "Evening Do" only, immediately halve all those values. They don't like you THAT much, and wouldn't even notice whether you were there or not."

We did this. It's not rude if you're asking people who love you and want to see you happy. It's only rude if you ask Shirley from up the road who just wanted to regift that toaster she doesn't like.
What we did is put something like this in the invitation: "Gifts are not necessary, we would just love to celebrate with you, but if you intended to get us something, we would prefer money if possible, please, because we would like to journey around Europe in a campervan for our honeymoon and we have all the kitchenware we will ever need, thanks!"
We still ended up with some gifts and we were grateful for them and sent thank-you cards, and of course we were overjoyed to see everyone on the day, regardless of what they did or didn't get us.

I have never been invited to a wedding where money has been requested. If you have everything you need then say no presents, or just let people pick, nobody is going to get a toaster or kettle for a couple already living together.

It's not rude if you're asking people who love you and want to see you happy. It's only rude if you ask Shirley from up the road who just wanted to regift that toaster she doesn't like.

😂

Married a year and for our wedding the vast majority gave cash. We absolutely didn't ask for that, and have never received such a request either. I do think it's quite tacky to ask for cash, but that's probably because it is the done thing now for gifts to be cash so it would be irrelevant, but distasteful.
The minority that gave us gifts gave beautiful and/or personal gifts that we loved, or found a use for.
I found also that any gifts that we didn't really need (or want) came from people that weren't invited anyway - parents' friends, neighbours etc.

We never asked for anything at our wedding, got a few token gifts, but majority of people gave money. In this day and age, I don't think you need to specify it, people aren't going to be buying you toasters or knife blocks if they know you already live together. Poems are fucking cringe though.

It helped in our case that a few of my friends, including one who had the traditional £10,000 wedding (complete with etiquette and seat covers and stuff), had also asked for money so it didn't seem like such a taboo. I got married in my twenties though and had no parents contributing to the wedding etc as they had already died by that point.

We said something like: no gifts are expected, we just want to see you. However if you would like to, we’d love dollars towards our honeymoon and there will be a postbox on the day for cards. Some people didn’t bring anything (absolutely fine), some brought physical gifts (lovely), most gave us $30-50 per couple/family which was very very much appreciated. If people were secretly deeply offended they didn’t show it!

I would say that the poems are pretty cringe (they’re always really bad and don’t rhyme properly too) but the worst is not mentioning it. Then as a guest I have to go to the trouble of emailing or texting to find out if there’s a list or money or what. I would never turn up empty handed as to me that’s rude but it’s not something I mind others doing iyswim? (I feel the same way about thank you cards... horrified if I forget, but never notice if someone else forgets.)

I don’t know what’s so special about gift lists anyway. All the ones I’ve seen are really unimaginative John Lewis ones which have bathmats and toilet brushes on them. Or holiday ones which don’t actually buy the thing they say (buy a “sushi dinner” for £50 but it’s actually just a £50 contribution - well just ask for that then!).

The days when you turned up with a really thoughtful and imaginative house type gift like a posh cutlery set or beautiful vase are about 30 years ago in my experience.