To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

[quote FrostyChocolateMilkshake]**@Jamboree01* Nobody will ever say it to a bride’s face! Not a bride who runs a poem about asking for money past them!*

I completely disagree. My bridesmaids would have told me straight if they'd have thought a poem was a tacky idea. As would the particular guests that I mentioned it to too.

I was invited the a wedding pre-covid and they had set up a gift registry at the White Company (which is known for being expensive) - why is this any more acceptable than asking for money?[/quote]
It isn’t. If you read all the posts you’d see that I said asking for any gifts is tacky. Gift registry is just as bad as asking for money.

Please don’t. It’s so naff and grabby.

Have the wedding and honeymoon you can afford; don’t ask for money to claw some of it back.

Wedding gifts were traditional when people didn’t live together first and needed a home. If you’ve already got a house full of stuff I’d just not do a list, let people ask what you want or maybe ask for John Lewis etc vouchers. But please don’t ask for money.

It doesn’t take the pressure off as money is always an option as a gift and 99% will give money without a tacky request for it.

Requests for gifts of any kind are tacky and crass (including a gift registry).

The whole ‘I’d rather be asked for money...’ or the ‘I’d never turn up to the wedding empty handed..’ arguments are nonsensical because most have stated that they give money as a wedding gift anyway. None have said they would turn up with nothing.

As for putting you bank details in your request 😱😱😱

It’s not about class, it’s about manners. If you put a request for money in your wedding invitation, chances are a lot of your guests will make a judgement about you- you just won’t know about it.

If you want to invite people to your wedding and, at the same time, tell them that they should give you money... good luck to you. I’d rather people remembered how nice my invites and wedding were, not the fact that I was grasping for money on my own wedding day.

I wouldn't mind for a second if someone didn't bring a gift of some sort.
They're invited for the company not a gift.
I'd hate someone not to attend for if they couldn't afford one.
By gift, I mean cash or toaster

@AlexaShutUp

Completely normal ask or recieve. Yes normal to receive not to ask.

I agree. I used to live in a country where giving money was the norm at weddings. I was invited to, and attended, quite a few weddings when I lived there, and we were never once asked to give money.It was just the custom.

My dh is also from a culture where it's the done thing to give money, rather than presents. Again, we've been invited to loads of weddings over the years, and nobody ever asks for it.

Receiving money is fine. Asking for it is grabby.

Yeah that's all fine unless a lot of people you know are from a culture where there is this strange notion that people should bring physical gifts (UK). If you say nothing you start getting forced to say no, actually, just come along or if you must put money in the card. Whereas the guests from more normal cultures as you say just automatically would give money to the couple and all of that pointlessness is avoided without a word. Also very awkward at a wedding between someone from the UK and another culture where the non-UK people know the traditions and bring cash so that they can do the games etc but UK people don't. So you can't win, informing them beforehand is "grabby" and the alternative is making them look tight and out of place on the day.

‘The alternative is making them look tight and out of place on the day...’ does any couple actually open their presents and cards on front of their guests on their wedding day? Do guests scrutinise each other’s presents... on the wedding day?

Strange argument. It just sounds completely ungrateful to be honest.

As said before- in most posters’ opinions:

nobody begrudges giving a gift... asking for money is grabby.

The gift of money is always an option for the giver- it doesn’t have to be asked for.

A gift register is just as tacky as asking for money.

The purpose of an invitation is to ask problem to come and share your happy day because they are people who are special to you... the purpose of it is not to use it to dictate what present guests can give you.

It's tricky. For the last two weddings where the couples had lived together I gave money towards an event/meal they wanted to do on honeymoon.

30 years ago I got 15 vases.

I think a registry is fine as long as it's got a huge range and it's not £400 stuff. As it is next time round I'm buying trees not from an expensive garden centre but a proper tree nursery.

Couldn't agree more. I know it's the thought what counts, but I hate it when people buy me things I will never use/wear! I would prefer the voucher or the money.

@Jamboree01

‘The alternative is making them look tight and out of place on the day...’ does any couple actually open their presents and cards on front of their guests on their wedding day? Do guests scrutinise each other’s presents... on the wedding day?

Strange argument. It just sounds completely ungrateful to be honest.

No. Lots of cultures involve traditions like guests pinning money to the bride's dress, or throwing it on the dancefloor, or into a pot before they individually dance with the new bride. As your post highlights, had a UK guest not known about this they might be rather embarrassed not to be prepared to participate in what are standard traditions in many, many cultures. One can also see why they'd be miffed if they bought an unnecessary physical gift then felt they should participate also in such traditional ways to give wedding gifts of cash to the bride and groom. So should they be warned not to bring physical gifts too, or left to be embarrassed, or should other cultures just stop their traditions because it makes British people uncomfortable? Or should British people never marry anyone who isn't British and might not have such a closed mind about traditions and customs?

@Ginger1982

"Just say ‘cash gifts only’ in the invitation and don’t stress."

Oh God, don't do this.

LOL

@Jamboree01

‘The alternative is making them look tight and out of place on the day...’ does any couple actually open their presents and cards on front of their guests on their wedding day? Do guests scrutinise each other’s presents... on the wedding day?

Strange argument. It just sounds completely ungrateful to be honest.

It's actually happened where the couple has indeed called a giver out for not giving enough in their opinion.

@jamboree01 your posts come across as very hostile. You scare me a bit...

I’m not British for a start but I do know that requesting money in an invitation is not ‘culture’.

No matter where the bride and groom originate from, I have always given them money. Whether it has involved pinning it to them, or putting it in a card- none of them have ever had to ask me.

As you’d have seen if you had bothered to read previous posts- i stated that traditions such as the pinning of money are great fun... and it is a lovely, long standing tradition in some cultures... and I am well aware of them.

Again, asking for money in an invitation is crass. You trying to steer this into a different type of debate isn’t going to change that. It’s grabby.

I’d imagine that people would have known what that couple were like before attending their wedding? That’s disgraceful. I don’t think that’s the kind of couple whose wedding I would accept an invitation to.

😂😂😂 when you have nothing new to add, get personal 😂😂

I lm extremely hostile- my own guests were sent invitations without a request for money or any type of gift at all in it. They were fed plenty and were provided with a free bar. We invited them as they were people who We wanted to share our special day with us and we wanted them to have a lovely day. Want they were going to give us as gifts didn’t even enter my head as I don’ invite people to any occasions in the expectation that they should give me my present of choice, or any present at all, in return. If that’s hostile, I can live with it.

We didn’t mention anything in our invitations, if people asked we said nothing, really, we just want you there. And meant it. I’d say at least 80% of our guests still gave us money.

@Jamboree01

I’m not British for a start but I do know that requesting money in an invitation is not ‘culture’.

No matter where the bride and groom originate from, I have always given them money. Whether it has involved pinning it to them, or putting it in a card- none of them have ever had to ask me.

As you’d have seen if you had bothered to read previous posts- i stated that traditions such as the pinning of money are great fun... and it is a lovely, long standing tradition in some cultures... and I am well aware of them.

Again, asking for money in an invitation is crass. You trying to steer this into a different type of debate isn’t going to change that. It’s grabby.

Not suggesting that asking for money in an invitation is culture: that is NOT what i said. This thing about money as a gift IS a British hang up evidence in very few other cultures. At weddings, cash gifts are totally normal nearly everywhere.

I was pointing out the difference in cultures and how British people might (based on this thread!) often be oblivious to the cultural norms in a wedding abroad or with a dual nationality couple etc, and that those traditions (which are a lot more fun generally for the bride and groom and guests than stuffy British weddings) shouldn't have to be sidelined to make British guests who have brought unwanted and unasked for physical gifts along, so feel that taking part in those normal parts of the day would be "taking liberties". And when the time comes for those festivities, the people who've brought along an unwanted and unneeded toaster but have no money in their pockets to play the traditional wedding games eould be embarrassed I suspect. I would be in their shoes. And needlessly so, if people could get their head around the fact that weddings take place all over the place between different people and what is "normal" changes based on WHO is getting married and WHERE, not your own narrow-minded island view of it.

Why are people in the UK so uptight about money? Is it this ancient "class" hangover crap? I read stuff on this thread and that's the only thing I can think. I have honestly never come across these sort of attitudes anywhere else. Get over it and just wish the couple a happy day and life however you can make them happy at whatever weddings you go to: otherwise why go at all?? So many of the comments here seem so petty and spiteful and I'm amazed the people writing them ever receive any wedding invitations!

@Jamboree01 um, ok...

I have repeatedly said I give all couples money.

I do not know a single person who has ever given a toaster as a wedding gift. Maybe that is a British thing... I don’t know. I know lots of people from lots of different countries/ cultures but I genuinely don’t think any of them would offer up a toaster as a present.

People used to give physical gifts years ago to help a couple starting out (God forgive them). That really isn’t the case anymore judging from the countless weddings I have attended (most give money without being asked).

There were some British people at my wedding but none of them gave me a toaster. The majority of guests gave money (without being asked to).

If I’d received a toaster as a present to celebrate my wedding day and marriage, I would have received it gratefully.

Most in here don’t have hang ups about giving money as a wedding gift. Most posters on here have said they give money by default.

Most of the people who have already asked for money/ want to ask for money in their wedding invitations seem to have the money hang up. But then, maybe that’s because they are grabby.

Ps- are you okay? Your post is wild.

No matter where the bride and groom originate from, I have always given them money. Whether it has involved pinning it to them, or putting it in a card - none of them have ever had to ask me.

This is it in a nutshell. It's not the end of the world to ask but to combine it with your invitation is in bad taste.

@Jamboree01

I have repeatedly said I give all couples money.

I do not know a single person who has ever given a toaster as a wedding gift. Maybe that is a British thing... I don’t know. I know lots of people from lots of different countries/ cultures but I genuinely don’t think any of them would offer up a toaster as a present.

People used to give physical gifts years ago to help a couple starting out (God forgive them). That really isn’t the case anymore judging from the countless weddings I have attended (most give money without being asked).

There were some British people at my wedding but none of them gave me a toaster. The majority of guests gave money (without being asked to).

If I’d received a toaster as a present to celebrate my wedding day and marriage, I would have received it gratefully.

Most in here don’t have hang ups about giving money as a wedding gift. Most posters on here have said they give money by default.

Most of the people who have already asked for money/ want to ask for money in their wedding invitations seem to have the money hang up. But then, maybe that’s because they are grabby.

Ps- are you okay? Your post is wild.

Wild? Oh please. Come on now. 😂

Of course most people normally give money as a wedding present as that's the most sensible thing to do. The issue is about people who buy random crap instead. I haven't encountered that insistence on random present giving by a proportion of guests except at weddings involving British people/ guests. But it does happen, and while most people are sensible enough to pop money in the card or participate in whatever the local gift-giving traditions involve (I actually love this about having been to weddings in many different countries, the games and traditions are so much fun!), sadly as this thread shows there are some odd posters who insist on bringing random presents even to weddings abroad where they have to transport them on flights. Mad.

And there was at least one poster who said if she knew the couple would prefer cash she'd bring a present instead to annoy them. Bizarre behaviour. 🤣 I just find those extreme and fringe attitudes to something as simple as giving a wedding gift extremely odd and this hang up about giving people money as a gift seems to be specifically a British thing, some odd resentment or hang up about money clearly. Why else do some people get so weird about such a silly thing?

To note as I did that some British people seem to have an issue that personally I've not encountered anywhere else is not the same as to imply that all British people have this weird issue: clearly some British people are normal. You seem to have misunderstood what I said unfortunately and confused "some" with "all".

Don't ask for money in the invitations. Wait until people ask you what you would like. Then say money towards new kitchen etc.

Oh and a British friend of mine did receive 3 toasters as wedding gifts. Some people really are that crazy!