To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

It's rude and tacky to ask for money instead of a gift. I think I'd tell you both to F off if I was a guest

I would never give anyone anything other than money. Would hate to buy something they don’t need/want that might just end up in landfill. Maybe it’s a generational thing, I’m 26.

@TheKeatingFive

Shame that your guests will most definitely feel they have to give you a gift once you’ve included a request for money in your invitations.

People you have a good relationship with will not feel that, no.

If the relationship is that good, a request for money isn’t warranted.

In fact, a request for money is never warranted in a wedding invitation anyway.

I always give cash. As a poster about each said- always what would cover the meal and then an ample amount on top as a gift.

Whether you like it or not, people who ask for cash in their invitations will be judged for it.

Invitations are a request for people to share your day and most will have enough common sense to gift cash.

I think it’s so vulgar and undignified asking for money. Or any type of gift. Poems even worse.

Thing is, in this day and age, 90%+ of guests will give you money as a gift so you don’t need to even ask. Everyone knows couples don’t need toasters or kettles anymore and that money is the most useful. Asking for it just seems in poor taste.

The thing about giving money is it can make a guest who can’t afford a lot feel pressured to put in more than they can afford whereas a wedding gift can substantially disguise the amount spent on it, sometimes by a lot. I know couples say “oh I don’t mind if they can only give me £5! Whatever they can afford!” but the guest is feeling something very different.

I also think couples should cut their cloth according to what they can afford. In this current climate where people are losing jobs, have no income, can’t even save up for their own house or wedding, it feels really poor taste to ask. Let them give you a gift of their choosing.

I don’t get the belligerence of deliberately getting the couple the opposite of what they want. What does that prove other than you’re an arsehole??

Exactly

These are supposed to be people you love.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just get them what they want.

I don't know what the problem is with giving money. Most people live together these days and have a house full of stuff.

Poems are twee however. Does anyone really do a poem these days?! Last few weddings that we have attended haven't had a list or poem, most people I know just give money as standard.

I much prefer giving money, it's easier for me and I'd rather they get something they want or spend it on a holiday. It's not grabby, why waste money on a vase or picture frame they don't want!

Im getting married soon and we've actually said no gifts or money as we're both in our 40's and have everything we need and want.

Some relatives will likely give us a cash gift anyway which is very kind, and will be spent on a nice meal or something on honeymoon.

@KarensChoppyBob

And the others Keating?

Exactly...

In my 30s every wedding I’ve been to and I go to about 6 a year has asked for money.

It’s not the giving money as a gift that’s the issue, it’s the being asked for it. As a previous poster said, the vast majority of people will give you cash as common sense. There’s no need to ask for it in this day and age so why do it? You might get the odd photo frame but normally people do give money.

@Jamboree01 where did I say it was going on the invitation? I literally said if people want to give us gifts we will tell them ‘money only please’. In your haste to get all frothy about nothing you’re literally inventing an entire conversation in your own head.

I've actually had the brides mother chasing me for the happy couples cash gift, "well it was made perfectly clear in the invitation that a cash gift of £100 was acceptable ". When I reminded her that I hadn't actually attend the wedding she just said, " I know, that's why I'm calling to sort it all. It wouldn't happen otherwise ".

Now I knew the bride well so I thought it was a wind-up and started to play along with it saying I couldn't hear her and could she please speak up. In the end the woman was literally screaming down the phone at me, demanding money.

At that point I was helpless, only I'd just got out the shower and my husband wanted to know why I was rolling around on the bed naked , kicking my legs in the air with the phone in my hand. I told him I was auditioning for a sex chat hotline and that he needed to give me a good spanking, immediately.

I sent her £50. It was worth it.

And the others Keating?

Why are you inviting them to your wedding?

Now in my thirties, I have been to countless weddings. Every single one I have given cash as a gift.
We asked for it at our own wedding to put towards spending money for our honeymoon.
We did a little crappy cliche poem. I think it’s completely expected now.
Better than receiving some awful vase or bowl you’ll never use!
In our thank you cards I wrote that we’d spent it making memories on our honeymoon.
Totally normal!

It’s not the giving money as a gift that’s the issue, it’s the being asked for it.

Plenty of people are happy to be guided believe it or not. With the obvious proviso that the request is politely worded and it’s made clear that there is no expectation.

You really don’t need to ask. We lived together already and didn’t mention gifts/money on our invite. Pretty much everybody gave us money and we got a couple of nice sentimental gifts that money can’t buy and I will cherish forever! If you live together people know you don’t need a toaster/pots and pans and most people wouldn’t want to buy that stuff anyway!

I wouldn't actually ask but most people will give you money anyway

😂😂😂 i love money gift mn threads😂😂😂

Just say nicely that people don't need to give anything, but if they want to they can give money towards some bigger purchases in a future.
I've been to number of wedddings in last 10 years and none of them were mumsnetters, I guess, because all said this. People live together now before the wedding. Not everyone has or needs a registry. I would rather gove 50 towards new bed than a vase which will never get used (but I would have a good feeling I gave physical gift, not a pretty envelope just out of spite, became gifts are about meeeee and not the people getting it, innit) so don't worry.
Just don't do any rhyming🙈

MN is out weird. Every wedding I've been to for the past ten years has asked for 'a contribution' to their honeymoon. It's the norm. I'd find it strange to be presented with a wedding list in 2021

[quote Shopliftersoftheworldunite]@Jamboree01 where did I say it was going on the invitation? I literally said if people want to give us gifts we will tell them ‘money only please’. In your haste to get all frothy about nothing you’re literally inventing an entire conversation in your own head.[/quote]
That wasn’t how you phrased it ‘my partner and I will ask for money’ . Your writing isn’t very clear. I’m not frothy about it Just stating an opinion that most people agree with. Asking for any gifts- but especially money- is tacky. It is also completely unnecessary as most guests will gift cash anyway.

Never understood the issue with asking for money - people seem outraged by it - but probably wouldn;t think twice about spending the same on some old tat you'd never use as a gift.

I do dislike twee poems though!

We didn't ask for anything - if people did ask what to buy we said we didn;t need anything but if they wanted to we would like vouchers for a certain shop - most people did buy vouchers - people don;t tend turn up to weddings empty handed.

@Jamboree01 I mean, the bit where I said ‘if people want to give us gifts’ was in bold but if that wasn’t clear enough then I don’t know if it’s worth continuing this conversation.

To go back to the OP - asking for £ is fine but poems are not.

If you have to ask the question as to whether or not it's rude then you already know the answer.

If people want to give money as a gift then they will.

I asked for money for my wedding. I’d rather that than a present that would end up in a charity shop. Some gave £50 per couple others £200 per head. I didn’t care. It all went to the fund for our honeymoon

I’d be upset if I bought something for the couple and it’d end up in a cupboard because they don’t like it or don’t need it

@Wandavision

I would say thank you but due to renovations we are unable to accept and store any gifts. We will have a wedding post box available for any cards if you would like to use that. No mention of money and anyone but who wants to will pop a voucher or cash in a card.

This.

@legalseagull

MN is out weird. Every wedding I've been to for the past ten years has asked for 'a contribution' to their honeymoon. It's the norm. I'd find it strange to be presented with a wedding list in 2021

I don’t think most expect to greeted with a wedding list either.

Personally, I give cash to the couple but I don’t expect to be asked for anything.

Most people would not attend a wedding without a cash gift nowadays.

However, most guests would feel that being asked for money is tacky... and, in my opinion, it is.