To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

Mentioning gifts in the invitation is horrifying. I'm cringing reading the comments saying its okay!

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

Nooooo! Most people will give mobey. Don't ask! So so rude and naff.

We asked for money for our wedding gift - we certainly aren't "naff" and didn't have a "naff" wedding.

@Jamboree01 our wedding guests were not offended by us asking for money. We are not a pretentious couple in the slightest - we were just being honest about what we wanted.

Our friends had their wedding registry at our giant hardware chain here in Australia. They were both over 40, had everything but were renovating. We bought them a saw, other people bought paint, door handles, garden tools, plants and so on. They loved everyone contributing. I think some bought vouchers for them too.

Completely normal in most cultures. No idea why people in the UK are so weird about it
Completely normal ask or recieve. Yes normal to receive not to ask.

I didn’t say anybody would be offended.

I wouldn’t be offended. I would just think it was tacky. But I wouldn’t say it.

Completely normal ask or recieve. Yes normal to receive not to ask.

I agree. I used to live in a country where giving money was the norm at weddings. I was invited to, and attended, quite a few weddings when I lived there, and we were never once asked to give money.It was just the custom.

My dh is also from a culture where it's the done thing to give money, rather than presents. Again, we've been invited to loads of weddings over the years, and nobody ever asks for it.

Receiving money is fine. Asking for it is grabby.

Ireland is not in the UK. In general, Irish people would not put a request for any type of gift in their wedding invitations. Not a good look and it would be the one thing that was remembered about the wedding.

@Jamboree01 What's being Irish got to do with wedding etiquette in 2021? I'm Scottish and was a young bridesmaid several times in the late 80's-early 90s. The 'tradition' was we 'cast silver for luck', basically we sat with a bag of 50p' on our lap and hurled them at any kids we saw on route to the church. But it's not a done thing these days as far as am aware? Customs move on, and bestowing a teasmade or quality towel bale isn't a customary gift at a wedding now. It's only on MN where you're informed it's terrible to ask you don't get 15 matching kettles with no reciept.

[quote Wandavision]@Jamboree01 What's being Irish got to do with wedding etiquette in 2021? I'm Scottish and was a young bridesmaid several times in the late 80's-early 90s. The 'tradition' was we 'cast silver for luck', basically we sat with a bag of 50p' on our lap and hurled them at any kids we saw on route to the church. But it's not a done thing these days as far as am aware? Customs move on, and bestowing a teasmade or quality towel bale isn't a customary gift at a wedding now. It's only on MN where you're informed it's terrible to ask you don't get 15 matching kettles with no reciept. [/quote]
Irish don’t give 50 pence pieces or kettles as a wedding gift.

You clearly haven’t read all of the posts. As I said, most Irish people give money and have done for a very long time. Couples don’t have to ask as they get. People were talking about what they give in their own traditions and cultures. See above.

It is rude to put a request for money on your wedding invitation. As I said, read all before you comment.

People caring about you enough to attend your wedding is a good outcome.

Any many people wish to give the B&G something to celebrate the day. Believe it or not, many people would like that token to be something the B&G actually want. Not junk that gathers dust in the attic.

It’s common in Indian weddings. Just say ‘cash gifts only’ in the invitation and don’t stress. The friends who absolutely object will find a way to pass on their boxed gift lol.

And, believe it or not, many guests give money to the B&G as a gift without having to be asked.

If people care enough for a couple to take a day out of their own lives (and pay their own expenses to attend) and make the effort to celebrate a couple’s wedding day and marriage, maybe the couple should just be thankful instead of grabby.

maybe the couple should just be thankful instead of grabby.

I don’t think it’s the slightest bit ‘grabby’ to discourage practices of buying people things they neither want nor need and will end up as wasteful dust catchers and ultimately landfill. 🤷‍♀️

@Jamboree01

Ireland is not in the UK. In general, Irish people would not put a request for any type of gift in their wedding invitations. Not a good look and it would be the one thing that was remembered about the wedding.

I’ve been to many Irish weddings and all of them had ‘cash gifts only’ in the invitation, so I guess this is a really local thing that only applies to parts of Ireland.

Maybe you need to look at your guest list if you think so little of them.

Strange. As I’ve been to hundreds- Ireland )in several counties), America, Australia, Scotland, England, New Zealand and not one invitation asked for money.

I would not mention gifts at all. Chances are you will receive more cash gifts then objects anyways, I know I always give cash for wedding presents.

PS I have never received one of those cringey poems if I did I would probably have died of embarrassment. I can say definitely that I am not a fan.

💯

You don’t want presents, so just say that. Anyone who wants to give you something all the same will give you money or vouchers instead. But asking for it is absolutely awful imo.

@TheKeatingFive

maybe the couple should just be thankful instead of grabby.

I don’t think it’s the slightest bit ‘grabby’ to discourage practices of buying people things they neither want nor need and will end up as wasteful dust catchers and ultimately landfill. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, exactly!

I would rather have received something we needed instead of loads of household items we already had.

I've never known anyone think it is rude to ask for money as a wedding gift. Surely it takes pressure off the guests too? It can be stressful figuring out what to buy for the couple!

@Aquamarine1029

Asking for money in lieu of other gifts is in extremely poor taste.

I agree it’s awkward all round. It’s the expectation too it’s too much.

Every wedding invite I've ever received has requested money as a present. I think it is so completely normal now that I don't think anyhting about it.

People will most likely to give money when not mentioning presents but cash is impractical. Here people add their account details for bank transfer so that nobody brings actual cash to the wedding and therefore the money is mentioned in the invites. Just don't make it into a cute poem.

I'd be so embarrassed if my guests thought I 'expected' anything - gifts or money! I'd be mortified to actually ask, in print, in the invite....or point them to a list of stuff I'm expecting to be bought 😱

I'm perhaps influenced by the weddings I have been to recently but those brides did not mention gifts at all, and when asked, they indicated a charity they would like to support instead and said if you are comfortable then they would be grateful.

At the dinners, those table favour things were cards saying a donation had been made to that charity.

This seems the done thing now (and isn't it just lovely) 🤗