To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

I think it’s ok to ask for cash. I don’t think it rude and it’s a totally normal thing to do.

However, If it was me I wouldn’t mention gifts on the invite.

I personally feel that the concept of gift giving has naturally evolved. The whole point originally was to help set up newlyweds in their starter home after marriage. Times have now moved on to the point where its extremely rare to not live together pre-marriage. So its a bit daft to be gifting a toaster/kettle/silver picture frame to a couple who already live together? A card can be 50p, and if £5-150 is included, well then yes that's lovely. But surely the road to madness lies when you don't say anything at all... And end up with a £250 monstrosity piece of 'Art' from Aunt Ethel who didn't know wtf else to give you?

@Wandavision

I personally feel that the concept of gift giving has naturally evolved. The whole point originally was to help set up newlyweds in their starter home after marriage. Times have now moved on to the point where its extremely rare to not live together pre-marriage. So its a bit daft to be gifting a toaster/kettle/silver picture frame to a couple who already live together? A card can be 50p, and if £5-150 is included, well then yes that's lovely. But surely the road to madness lies when you don't say anything at all... And end up with a £250 monstrosity piece of 'Art' from Aunt Ethel who didn't know wtf else to give you?

I’m pretty sure Aunt Ethel would be wise enough to stick the £250 in a card instead.

I never turn up empty handed when I’m invited (pre covid) to a friend’s house for lunch (when I will bring flowers) much less a wedding or any other event.

Let your guests think about how lovely and thoughtful your invitation is and then let 99% of them give you money as a gift. Don’t leave them thinking, ‘How rude it is to ask for money. I was going to give it to them anyway.’

That’s my advice and it’s based on reactions that I’ve witnessed. My social circles are wide and varied... from all backgrounds. Only two people I know have ever asked for money on their invitations and both have regretted it.

Leave them in peace to decide what they think is a suitable present

Even if it’s something the couple neither want nor need that will end up gathering dust or get sent to a charity shop?

I don’t understand why that’s a good outcome.

@TheKeatingFive

Leave them in peace to decide what they think is a suitable present

Even if it’s something the couple neither want nor need that will end up gathering dust or get sent to a charity shop?

I don’t understand why that’s a good outcome.

People caring about you enough to attend your wedding is a good outcome.

Weddings aren’t really meant to be about outcomes other than being a very special, lovely celebration of two people by friends and family.

99% will give money.

If we need to talk about outcomes- your wedding being remembered because you asked for money on your wedding invitation probably isn’t a good one.

Having re-read this thread, I'm wondering whether the proper way forward is to ask for no gifts or money at all.
Cheesy poems suggesting that no gift is expected but can you bung a few quid sounds awful.
I think that gift giving at weddings ought to be redundant theses days. Just treat the wedding as a get-together to celebrate a couple's commitment.

No to the silly poem. Please, please no silly poem.

I’m absolutely in favour of giving money for weddings but requesting it can be difficult. My best friend did it for her honeymoon, she listed outings they wanted to book etc while in Italy and people could purchase them for them. When they came back, they sent pictures to the people who had contributed with individual thank yous and stories.

I think it can be done well and it’s much better than a house full of things you don’t need when you could really use the money for something else.

Is it just me.. or am I the only one who wouldn’t want honeymoon pictures and stories? I’ve always given money but have never have had to suffer that 🤣

I’m always delighted for a couple, celebrate their day with them and give them money without having to be asked as does the vast majority of people I know.

You can’t ever do asking for money in a wedding invitation well... not ever (in my opinion). People buy outfits, some have to travel to the venue, some have to pay for accommodation, pay for childcare (if no children invited- there’s another thread 😂).

Ask for them to join in on your celebration and don’t ask for anything more as people will give what they can and won’t think badly of you.

I don't understand why people would ask for money. It's really crass.

If it's the done thing to give money now, as some people are saying, then surely there is no need to actually state it, because most people will just give it anyway.

Asking seems incredibly rude to me.

They’re not crass enough to ask for it though. It’s tradition. I always give the couple a generous amount. I approximately cover what it costs to feed me, add a fair bit more as a gift and throw in extra for for luck and their future together. I, and many others, don’t need to be asked for money because we would just give money anyway. I’m Irish and that’s generally how we roll. Even second generation, third and beyond do it the same way really. Generosity and people giving what they can isn’t the issue here- the issue here is people being crass enough to ask people to come to their wedding and to declare on their invitation that they want money. Adding a poem on top of that is 😱

I approximately cover what it costs to feed me, add a fair bit more as a gift and throw in extra for for luck and their future together. I, and many others, don’t need to be asked for money because we would just give money anyway. I’m Irish and that’s generally how we roll
🤣 Yep everyone I know works it that way.
I never knew people done a cheesy poem until MN either.

@cakewench No to the silly poem. Please, please no silly poem.

You'd have hated my wedding invitations 😂

@Emeraldshamrock I wrote a poem in my wedding invitations. I don't think it was corny, it was quite nice (in my opinion anyway).

Before MN I never knew how strongly people felt towards poems.

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake What did you write.
I would be embarrassed to make a request for cash personally.

Wedding gifts are a long standing tradition from the days in which a couple had never lived together before marriage. So they needed to get together a house and the furnishings to make it a home. Friends showed their affection for the couple by buying them gifts (often household items) or by gifting them money. Giving cash in lieu of gifts is the tradition in some societies and is nothing to be shy about.

It’s the asking for money... and then the poem... that tries to make it seem like money isn’t being asked for.

Irish people tend to give money.y parents weren’t alive when I got married, but if I had put a request for money in with the invitations, they would have come back to haunt me.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Asking for money is definitely crass... even if you sing it.

Unreal 😂😭

[quote Emeraldshamrock]@FrostyChocolateMilkshake What did you write.
I would be embarrassed to make a request for cash personally.[/quote]
I cant remember off the top of my head, and all wedding stuff is stored up in the loft. But we didn't request cash necessarily...we didn't want to bombarded with frying pans and bedding sets haha so we politely asked for money towards our honeymoon. Which, due to covid, we are yet to have!

However I did run the poem idea past my bridesmaids and a few other guests, and they are all agreed it was OK. I was hesitant at the idea to be honest but it seemed to work out well!

It is popular in England afaik from mumsnet.
Like a pp it isn't traditional to request money in Ireland, most people give cash but it is genuinely presence over presents. even if you secretly want presents

@Emeraldshamrock I think in England if you don't specifically request money you'll get a physical gift. I am grateful for any gift I receive but imagine if 100 people all bought you a frying pan or photo frame...hence why we asked for money

Plus from childhood you're told "you get what you're given, now be grateful"

Once a couple is living together it is a cash gift and 50 photo frames as a little extra.

Completely normal in most cultures. No idea why people in the UK are so weird about it.

Nooooo! Most people will give mobey. Don't ask! So so rude and naff.

Nobody will ever say it to a bride’s face! Not a bride who runs a poem about asking for money past them!

Who even wants to shop for frying pans and bedding sets? I didn’t ask for anything- no mention of gifts on invitations. I didn’t care about gifts . Brilliant day because of the people who came to celebrate it.

People are not stupid and people don’t want to go searching for that stuff any more than you don’t want them.

People have practical gifts for the home when couples started out with nothing back in the day. Most guests nowadays will give money.

Asking for money will be the one thing that guests to the wedding will always remember about the couple and the wedding.

Whether we agree or disagree anyhow, goodnight all. And I wish the best to all brides and grooms to be 👍🏻