Friend offended I returned her gift?

[Laura187]

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

@babbaloushka

You sound a piece of work, to be honest. Why goad her by sending a photo of the clothes you swapped out? Exchange them if you have to but don't rub it her face about what a mistake she made. Poor friend, I wouldn't be getting you any more gifts if I were her.

Yes, the friend must be feeling horrible and it's so unnecessary when a simple 'Thank you very much for the gift' was all that was needed.

@Justanotherdragact

OP: AIBU

Majority of replies: Yes

OP: * argues about how she’s not being unreasonable *

With the token update that the friend was actually fine about it.

My arse.

I can't see the problem myself. I wouldn't be offended if someone did that to me and usually include the receipt so they can take it back if they want. Having said that, I prefer to give money. Easier all round.

@Laura187 I know you won’t be replying but I think you’re getting a very hard time here.

From what you have said you and your friend are close, close enough to know each other’s tastes, like, dislikes. You bought her something you know she would like. She bought you something she knows you would dislike.

If you were so determined to send a photo you should have told her before sending the picture so she wasn’t surprised you exchanged the items.

@ViciousJackdaw

I can't see the problem myself. I wouldn't be offended if someone did that to me and usually include the receipt so they can take it back if they want. Having said that, I prefer to give money. Easier all round.

who's "offended"?

It's merely acknowledging the rudeness of the OP.

I buy things that I think are cute and in a style that fits the taste of the receiver, hopefully, but some people spend a lot of time and thoughts to select a gift.

Why the need to be nasty about it?

I have ignored many of the gifts for my kids, I hate brash and garish colours on babies, but no one would know I got rid of them! I managed to put one item or 2 on if we saw whoever gave them.

Even today, if my kids receive things which I hate, they wear them in the garden and everybody is happy. No offence, no drama, but no nastiness.

Quite bitchy of you tbh, if I was your friend, that would be the last gift you'd be getting

It’s not quite as bad as my friend - on receiving a birthday necklace from me- said ‘sorry, I don’t like it and I don’t want it’!!

If that’s what your friend intended you do surely she would have bought vouchers. To actually send the pictures is incredibly rude.

Its a tricky one. You didn't mean to offend her, but i can understand where shes coming from. Perhaps just send follow up text thanking her again and saying you didnt mean to upset her. It'll be fine.

I’ve given gift receipts and I don’t mind if people change thingsif they don’t like them but it’s rude to send a picture which is basically saying you didn’t like them.

I would have either thanked her but not mentioned the change or lied and said they didn't fit.

Ok guys. I think that’s enough of a pile on. The OP didn't realise. I’m sure she’ll square things with here friend and all will be ok.
I think many of you are being overly harsh here.

Also you could have kept a couple of bits , only monochrome is rather boring op, sometimes it's better to compromise

YANBU to change the items. I wouldn't have been offended and if we were close friends I would still buy clothes for your daughter. Although next time I'd give you a voucher instead
Give her a call and explain. If you're friends she'll understand and won't hold it against you. Surely she'd prefer if your dd actually wore the clothes instead of them sitting in a wardrobe unworn. It's hardly the height of rudeness to swap. Your gift receipt, your choice. Not sure why there's been a pile on

I have a friend (also from a different culture - although not sure if it her culture or just her personality at play here) who is very forthright about gifts. One birthday she changed basically every gift she got. She says stuff like 'Gloves? - why have you got me gloves, I already have gloves'
I don't mind - it is just the way she is and I like her as a person, she's just different in what her perception of rudeness is. Her view is if you don;t let someone know you didn't like a present they will keep getting you similar, they waste their money and you will always be disappointed.

I'm more of the 'say thank you and let the present grow on you' type of receiver, and I was never very bothered about baby clothes - just grateful for everything I was given.
But if I buy something that is to my taste, or clothing or whatever - I always include receipt and say 'enclosed receipt if you want to swap - I won't be offended' and ultimately I'd rather someone had something they wanted.

I can see where you are coming from OP - you wanted to show her you appreciated the gift (effectively you used her gift as a Next voucher and got what you wanted) and you weren't being deliberately hurtful or rude. You didn't say anything nasty to her and you thanked her. I'm sure she'll get over any hurt feelings, and you'll know to avoid photos next time.

As an aside - it won;t be long before your DD has very definite opinions on her own clothes and she might well go for very bright and colourful - you may just have to suck it up and wear sun glasses

Could you have put your DD in one of the items but left the tag on, taken a pic with the other clothes in the background and just said thanks? Next time you see her the clothes are ‘in the wash’ or ‘too small’ It would have saved offence.

For future reference OP id have gone with ‘It was such a shame, I needed to change sizes in a few bits and the store didn’t have them all in correct sizes so I had to pick a few different bits just didn’t want you thinking she wasn’t wearing the stuff you got.’

I think the problem is you thought the receipt was given so you could change the items if you didn't like them, where as she gave it in case they didn't fit.
I would just apologise and say that you misunderstood and thought she'd given the receipt because she knew you had different tastes.

I once bought a very expensive hand painted bowl for a work colleague at the end of a school year, where we had worked very closely with each other.
She opened it and said, ‘I don’t like it’. I was very pissed off and quite hurt and my face must have showed it. She must have realised as she said, ‘I’m just being honest with you. In my culture that’s what we do.’
I took it back and I still use it ten years later for salads etc.
I didn’t buy her anything to replace it and never bought her anything again. She made reference to me not having bought her a present a few years later and I’m afraid I did not hold back on what I thought of her rudeness!

Cant say I would care tbh. People have different taste. I think it’s a bit mental to be upset about that.

@MajorBumsore that just sounds like a cultural difference. You come from a culture where you accept and say nothing, she doesn’t. She wasn’t meaning to be rude.

Yanbu to exchange, I have done the same in the past, when I REALLY didn't like something. I kept most things as spares even if not quite to my taste.

I wouldn't have sent a photo of them to the giver though as that seems rude. Just sent a thank you for the gift note.

How did you change them if t try if shops are shut??🤔

But you weren't sending a pic of you using what SHE got, were you.

Yanbu to change it (although I wouldn't, who cares what a baby is dressed in as long as its warm & comfortable). But you ywbvu to send a photo of your baby in the clothes you swapped them for.

If giving a baby present I always include the gift receipt so if the item is the wrong size or not suitable it can be changed. I have absolutely no problem with this. The last couple of presents I just gave money and I have given vouchers in the past.